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Old 06-27-2011, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
16,518 posts, read 8,960,495 times
Reputation: 16540

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I'm pretty sure this is going to go in one ear and out the other but...
My husband moved to New York to be with me while we were dating. He had been touring with musicals (that's how we met - I'm a performer, he's a stage hand) and didn't really have a permanant address at this point in time. I had been living in the south before he started touring but decided that it was more important to be with me during his time off. Anyway - after being in NYC for a summer - he liked it a lot more than he thought he would and made some great connections in his business. Cut to the present - he has been working on Broadway steadily for the past few years. His career has skyrocketed - and it probably wouldn't have, or wouldn't have as quickly, if he hadn't moved to NYC to be with me. I'm so grateful and thrilled that this is the case because I would have felt awful if he had moved here to be with me and had hated it or had his career suffered.

On to the present with me... I'm a performer - which is no easy profession! He believes in me and supports me completely. I can't tell you what a difference this has made in my life. The constant auditioning and rejection can burn people out so quickly in my business - but I have someone that helps keep me going. We both understand that we both have to accept jobs that will take us away from each other sometimes - and we have never stood in each other's way. Now I'm pregnant so I obviously can't perform. Well, we moved into this new neighborhood a little over a year ago that has welcomed us with open arms. We have a clubhouse here and have been having music nights once a month or so where they bring in folk singers and such. They have been really successful and some of the neighbors were trying to get me to do a music night myself. I had shied away from it before I got pregnant since I never knew if I was going to have to leave to do a show. Anyway - once I was pregnant - I was really bored and decided - I'm going to do a show with some of my friends at the clubhouse! My husband asked the sound shop that he works at if we could borrow some sound equipment for the night - and they said sure (they also know me and are great to me!) and they wouldn't charge us. However, my husband wasn't going to be there for my show since he had to work at his show that night (it was a Saturday). Anyway, less than a week before my show, I asked him if he would watch the video of my show and he said no - he's going to be there at my show to see me live. He had taken that day off work so that he could mix sound for my little show at our neighborhood clubhouse! I burst into tears! I couldn't believe that he had done that! It ended up being a wonderful, wonderful night - and I was so thrilled that my husband was there for me.

In our relationship - we support each other, we challenge each other, we encourage each other, we love each other. Giving up our hopes, dreams and goals? Hardly. If anything - we've helped each other acheive more than we would have on our own.
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Old 06-27-2011, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,136 posts, read 57,055,127 times
Reputation: 38374
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
I'm pretty sure this is going to go in one ear and out the other but...
My husband moved to New York to be with me while we were dating. He had been touring with musicals (that's how we met - I'm a performer, he's a stage hand) and didn't really have a permanant address at this point in time. I had been living in the south before he started touring but decided that it was more important to be with me during his time off. Anyway - after being in NYC for a summer - he liked it a lot more than he thought he would and made some great connections in his business. Cut to the present - he has been working on Broadway steadily for the past few years. His career has skyrocketed - and it probably wouldn't have, or wouldn't have as quickly, if he hadn't moved to NYC to be with me. I'm so grateful and thrilled that this is the case because I would have felt awful if he had moved here to be with me and had hated it or had his career suffered.

On to the present with me... I'm a performer - which is no easy profession! He believes in me and supports me completely. I can't tell you what a difference this has made in my life. The constant auditioning and rejection can burn people out so quickly in my business - but I have someone that helps keep me going. We both understand that we both have to accept jobs that will take us away from each other sometimes - and we have never stood in each other's way. Now I'm pregnant so I obviously can't perform. Well, we moved into this new neighborhood a little over a year ago that has welcomed us with open arms. We have a clubhouse here and have been having music nights once a month or so where they bring in folk singers and such. They have been really successful and some of the neighbors were trying to get me to do a music night myself. I had shied away from it before I got pregnant since I never knew if I was going to have to leave to do a show. Anyway - once I was pregnant - I was really bored and decided - I'm going to do a show with some of my friends at the clubhouse! My husband asked the sound shop that he works at if we could borrow some sound equipment for the night - and they said sure (they also know me and are great to me!) and they wouldn't charge us. However, my husband wasn't going to be there for my show since he had to work at his show that night (it was a Saturday). Anyway, less than a week before my show, I asked him if he would watch the video of my show and he said no - he's going to be there at my show to see me live. He had taken that day off work so that he could mix sound for my little show at our neighborhood clubhouse! I burst into tears! I couldn't believe that he had done that! It ended up being a wonderful, wonderful night - and I was so thrilled that my husband was there for me.

In our relationship - we support each other, we challenge each other, we encourage each other, we love each other. Giving up our hopes, dreams and goals? Hardly. If anything - we've helped each other acheive more than we would have on our own.

Nice

As I was laying nestled in my husband's loving, protective arms last night, I drifted off to sleep thinking how much I love him and how much I love being married to him

To me, marriage is sublime.

I guess one little man's trash really IS some other real man's treasure
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Old 06-27-2011, 01:50 PM
 
Location: 'Shangri-La 'mountains west of Wolf Creek, Oregon
12,836 posts, read 9,132,693 times
Reputation: 8035
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
I'm pretty sure this is going to go in one ear and out the other but...
My husband moved to New York to be with me while we were dating. He had been touring with musicals (that's how we met - I'm a performer, he's a stage hand) and didn't really have a permanant address at this point in time. I had been living in the south before he started touring but decided that it was more important to be with me during his time off. Anyway - after being in NYC for a summer - he liked it a lot more than he thought he would and made some great connections in his business. Cut to the present - he has been working on Broadway steadily for the past few years. His career has skyrocketed - and it probably wouldn't have, or wouldn't have as quickly, if he hadn't moved to NYC to be with me. I'm so grateful and thrilled that this is the case because I would have felt awful if he had moved here to be with me and had hated it or had his career suffered.

On to the present with me... I'm a performer - which is no easy profession! He believes in me and supports me completely. I can't tell you what a difference this has made in my life. The constant auditioning and rejection can burn people out so quickly in my business - but I have someone that helps keep me going. We both understand that we both have to accept jobs that will take us away from each other sometimes - and we have never stood in each other's way. Now I'm pregnant so I obviously can't perform. Well, we moved into this new neighborhood a little over a year ago that has welcomed us with open arms. We have a clubhouse here and have been having music nights once a month or so where they bring in folk singers and such. They have been really successful and some of the neighbors were trying to get me to do a music night myself. I had shied away from it before I got pregnant since I never knew if I was going to have to leave to do a show. Anyway - once I was pregnant - I was really bored and decided - I'm going to do a show with some of my friends at the clubhouse! My husband asked the sound shop that he works at if we could borrow some sound equipment for the night - and they said sure (they also know me and are great to me!) and they wouldn't charge us. However, my husband wasn't going to be there for my show since he had to work at his show that night (it was a Saturday). Anyway, less than a week before my show, I asked him if he would watch the video of my show and he said no - he's going to be there at my show to see me live. He had taken that day off work so that he could mix sound for my little show at our neighborhood clubhouse! I burst into tears! I couldn't believe that he had done that! It ended up being a wonderful, wonderful night - and I was so thrilled that my husband was there for me.

In our relationship - we support each other, we challenge each other, we encourage each other, we love each other. Giving up our hopes, dreams and goals? Hardly. If anything - we've helped each other acheive more than we would have on our own.

BRAVO Sweetie...
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Old 06-27-2011, 02:09 PM
 
Location: My Private Island
4,928 posts, read 4,626,506 times
Reputation: 12146
Quote:
Originally Posted by Repubocrat View Post
This is my conclusion, I am 34, single, no kids, never been married, probably never will
Let the world rejoice!!

Let the nations party!!



And all the single ladies......do your happy dance!!!

Last edited by seeniorita; 06-27-2011 at 02:40 PM..
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Old 06-27-2011, 02:12 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL (Northside)
2,907 posts, read 3,722,744 times
Reputation: 2706
Quote:
Originally Posted by seeniorita View Post
Let the world rejoice!!

Let the nations party!!



Every female can be happy!!
:You got me dying over here at work.
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Old 06-27-2011, 02:15 PM
 
4,459 posts, read 2,284,296 times
Reputation: 5604
Quote:
Originally Posted by seeniorita View Post
Let the world rejoice!!

Let the nations party!!



Every female can be happy!!
Where the hell do you get all those smileys?

Last edited by Ro2113; 06-27-2011 at 02:57 PM..
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Old 06-27-2011, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Sherwood
5,184 posts, read 7,587,778 times
Reputation: 4656
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude View Post
If you're happy living the single life, then good for you. On the other hand, when it works, marriage is a wonderful thing - but a long-term commited non-marital relationship is every bit as good, too!

I think people who want marriage want the commitment and companionship. To some extent this is an illusion, since there are no guarantees, but the symbolism does matter to many. The tax breaks, however, are real! And so are spousal health insurance and pension benefits. Not that these things are reasons to marry, but they come with the package.

Anyway, these things do not seem to matter to you, so if you're happy with life, continue on. There is not need to knock other people's choices - they have the right and ability to do so, even knowing that the odds are against them. The quest sometimes matters more than the outcome.
Speaking of which, did anybody see the ugly dog contest? LOL the dog fell of the stage when it won. It wasn't hurt.

Um, yep if you have a spouse in good financial shape, then marriage is beneficial. But as a single guy who has a good job, the OP is kind of right. If it doesn't work out, he could end up without any of the financial benefits, and possibly be in serious trouble as the result of the divorce.

If both spouses both have some sort of wealth or benefits...Ok. Or if one spouse is REALLY well off and doesn't care, then it's good for the other spouse. I have to admit that I'm firmly on the side of singleness. It's less stressful at least for me.

Single women apparently live longer than married women according to at least one study (forgive the photo of that octogenarian pig Hefner): Single vs. Married: Who lives longer, healthier lives? | healthkicker But married men apparently live longer.

I think the OP would probably enjoy marriage. Studies also prove that a lot of men do. I think a good marriage wihtout children might approximate the things he likes about being single minus the expense, stress and risk of children.
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Old 06-27-2011, 03:35 PM
 
1,557 posts, read 2,625,038 times
Reputation: 3715
Quote:
Originally Posted by kinkytoes View Post
.

I think the OP would probably enjoy marriage. Studies also prove that a lot of men do. I think a good marriage wihtout children might approximate the things he likes about being single minus the expense, stress and risk of children.
Marriage without children? That's even more pointless. Loose cohabitation would fulfill that role without the legal and financial gun pointed to the back of your head.

To reiterate. there is simply no financial security in a marriage where one spouse makes more than the other. The lesser earning party will always benefit from marital dissolution at the expense of the higher earning party. As long as the higher earning party doesn't mind, be it via an implicit understanding that companionship is being remunerated (you know, like a prostitute... ), then all is well in marriedland. But if you DO mind (like I do), then one has no business getting married under that construct.

Modern society is too dynamic for the construct of marriage, and the default contract too punitive. that combination largely feeds the 50% divorce rate we have. We're all one job relocation, job loss, change of mind away from taking it between the uprights. None of these reasons are evil or ill-intending mind you. Which is to say most people have good intentions when pursuing marriage, and it still fails due to said dynamics. Pay-to-play sounds bitter and punitive. It shouldn't be that way. Which is why marriage is losing popularity among the educated and progressive-thinking.

Lastly, I'll touch on the mother of all double standards. Women are never called out when they demand that their mate must be "financially stable". Which is a euphemism for "my husband needs to make more than me". The peanut gallery nods. But I stand in the food court and demand a woman make more than me before I would consider marrying her and it's holy blasphemy. That about sums up my feelings on women's true intentions in marriage, and as it has been summed up in this thread already, however damaging it is to society as a whole for me to actually opt out of marriage, I am free to do so.

In talking to women, the concept of life companionship is really fundamentally tied up to that dumb marriage certificate because their peer groups are socially conditioned to expect it as normalcy. I do think outside of that women are actually liberated enough in this day and age to recognize they don't actually need a piece of paper in order to insulate themselves from loneliness. I'm not betting the farm on being able to sway the tide on that one though. If I win the lottery and find a woman cool with a more progressive view of life companionship, that also happens to be a woman I find my sexual, emotional and intellectual fit, great! If not, I ain't going back to the poor house just because I'm lonely. Good luck to all.
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Old 06-27-2011, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
16,518 posts, read 8,960,495 times
Reputation: 16540
Quote:
Originally Posted by hindsight2020 View Post
Marriage without children? That's even more pointless. Loose cohabitation would fulfill that role without the legal and financial gun pointed to the back of your head.

To reiterate. there is simply no financial security in a marriage where one spouse makes more than the other. The lesser earning party will always benefit from marital dissolution at the expense of the higher earning party. As long as the higher earning party doesn't mind, be it via an implicit understanding that companionship is being remunerated (you know, like a prostitute... ), then all is well in marriedland. But if you DO mind (like I do), then one has no business getting married under that construct.

Modern society is too dynamic for the construct of marriage, and the default contract too punitive. that combination largely feeds the 50% divorce rate we have. We're all one job relocation, job loss, change of mind away from taking it between the uprights. None of these reasons are evil or ill-intending mind you. Which is to say most people have good intentions when pursuing marriage, and it still fails due to said dynamics. Pay-to-play sounds bitter and punitive. It shouldn't be that way. Which is why marriage is losing popularity among the educated and progressive-thinking.

Lastly, I'll touch on the mother of all double standards. Women are never called out when they demand that their mate must be "financially stable". Which is a euphemism for "my husband needs to make more than me". The peanut gallery nods. But I stand in the food court and demand a woman make more than me before I would consider marrying her and it's holy blasphemy. That about sums up my feelings on women's true intentions in marriage, and as it has been summed up in this thread already, however damaging it is to society as a whole for me to actually opt out of marriage, I am free to do so.

In talking to women, the concept of life companionship is really fundamentally tied up to that dumb marriage certificate because their peer groups are socially conditioned to expect it as normalcy. I do think outside of that women are actually liberated enough in this day and age to recognize they don't actually need a piece of paper in order to insulate themselves from loneliness. I'm not betting the farm on being able to sway the tide on that one though. If I win the lottery and find a woman cool with a more progressive view of life companionship, that also happens to be a woman I find my sexual, emotional and intellectual fit, great! If not, I ain't going back to the poor house just because I'm lonely. Good luck to all.
You lost me at prostitute. I really couldn't read another word after that.
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Old 06-27-2011, 03:45 PM
 
Location: Sherwood
5,184 posts, read 7,587,778 times
Reputation: 4656
Quote:
Originally Posted by seeniorita View Post
Let the world rejoice!!

Let the nations party!!



And all the single ladies......do your happy dance!!!
LOL OMG I just saw this. FUNeeee. Oh hindsight...pls chill out. Apparently divorce may shorten your life, too. Don't let that chick who took you to the cleaners make you forever bitter. At least you are now free... and hallelujah! Hey childless women live longer, too.

A funny quote:
"...Consider the late Madame Jeanne Calment of Arles, France. Despite eating two pounds of chocolate a week and smoking until the age of 117 (when she reportedly stopped because she could no longer light up unaided), she managed to make it to a record-breaking 122 years."
Breed old, die late and leave a beautiful brain - Pregnancy - Salon.com

Actually based on some of the women I know who are "up there" childless women may live longer simply because they're hanging on hoping to meet the "right guy" and have a family...and probably only give up when they're 95 or so.
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