Being married sucks! (wives, husbands, live together, mature)

[Yzette]

Originally Posted by Capt. Dan

You sound like a bitter person who never learned how to accept rejection. So you project your bitterness onto those who have successful relationships. "If I cant play I'm taking my ball and going home." Of course anyone who looks at every situation from a financial viewpoint never stands a chance of finding true love anyway. Good luck in your loneliness though.

He can weave a quilt of dollar bills and light the rest on fire to keep him warm in his old age--when his wallet will not be able to make up for his wrinkles and impotent dinky.

[West of Encino]

There's more to a marriage than child! Children add a strain to modern marriages.

Originally Posted by hindsight2020

Marriage without children? That's even more pointless. Loose cohabitation would fulfill that role without the legal and financial gun pointed to the back of your head.

To reiterate. there is simply no financial security in a marriage where one spouse makes more than the other. The lesser earning party will always benefit from marital dissolution at the expense of the higher earning party. As long as the higher earning party doesn't mind, be it via an implicit understanding that companionship is being remunerated (you know, like a prostitute... ), then all is well in marriedland. But if you DO mind (like I do), then one has no business getting married under that construct.

Modern society is too dynamic for the construct of marriage, and the default contract too punitive. that combination largely feeds the 50% divorce rate we have. We're all one job relocation, job loss, change of mind away from taking it between the uprights. None of these reasons are evil or ill-intending mind you. Which is to say most people have good intentions when pursuing marriage, and it still fails due to said dynamics. Pay-to-play sounds bitter and punitive. It shouldn't be that way. Which is why marriage is losing popularity among the educated and progressive-thinking.

Lastly, I'll touch on the mother of all double standards. Women are never called out when they demand that their mate must be "financially stable". Which is a euphemism for "my husband needs to make more than me". The peanut gallery nods. But I stand in the food court and demand a woman make more than me before I would consider marrying her and it's holy blasphemy. That about sums up my feelings on women's true intentions in marriage, and as it has been summed up in this thread already, however damaging it is to society as a whole for me to actually opt out of marriage, I am free to do so.

In talking to women, the concept of life companionship is really fundamentally tied up to that dumb marriage certificate because their peer groups are socially conditioned to expect it as normalcy. I do think outside of that women are actually liberated enough in this day and age to recognize they don't actually need a piece of paper in order to insulate themselves from loneliness. I'm not betting the farm on being able to sway the tide on that one though. If I win the lottery and find a woman cool with a more progressive view of life companionship, that also happens to be a woman I find my sexual, emotional and intellectual fit, great! If not, I ain't going back to the poor house just because I'm lonely. Good luck to all.

[Ro2113]

Originally Posted by West of Encino

There's more to a marriage than child! Children add a strain to modern marriages.

Dude be reasonable. With that type of attitude the human race would stop procreating and we'd end up extinct. Why would taking care of a child be easier if your not married?

[luckynumber4]

Originally Posted by Ro2113

Dude be reasonable. With that type of attitude the human race would stop procreating and we'd end up extinct. Why would taking care of a child be easier if your not married?

No one said it would be. Hindsight said marriage w/o kids is pointless, which is untrue...children don't make a marriage.

[Braunwyn]

Originally Posted by hindsight2020

In talking to women, the concept of life companionship is really fundamentally tied up to that dumb marriage certificate because their peer groups are socially conditioned to expect it as normalcy. I do think outside of that women are actually liberated enough in this day and age to recognize they don't actually need a piece of paper in order to insulate themselves from loneliness. I'm not betting the farm on being able to sway the tide on that one though. If I win the lottery and find a woman cool with a more progressive view of life companionship, that also happens to be a woman I find my sexual, emotional and intellectual fit, great! If not, I ain't going back to the poor house just because I'm lonely. Good luck to all.

You speak like it's only women that want to get married. You're wrong. The certificate was/is important to my husband. And no, loosely living together is not like being married. I've done both, so I'm speaking from experience. Legally binding yourself to another is up there with the responsibility of kids, who parents are legally bound to. That level of commitment is light years beyond simple cohabitation. And it's not about the fear of being lonely. Well, it's not for me at least.

[TabulaRasa]

Originally Posted by JustJulia

I just want to say that my paternal grandparents' 60th anniversary was this past May, and my parents' 40th is in August. My maternal grandparents were married for more than 60 years before my grandfather died of cancer. I think being surrounded by a strongly pro-marriage family helps.

Ditto. Very little divorce in my family. My grandmother's first husband, and my mom's biological father, beat her, so she left...very uncommon in the 1950s rural south, but she did it. My uncle, God love him, went through three marriages as a career Naval officer...mostly bad judgment in choosing spouses, but also devoted to a lifestyle (high pressure, dangerous, lots of long deployments/underway time that can make it difficult to sustain a marriage. Other than that, my whole extended family is one of long and strong marriages.

[schmidty223]

I don't think you should judge until you actually get married... but I'm the same, so far, you might change your view of marriage later on though; you never know. I'm 17, but currently I don't want a relationship or farther than that, yet I'm a introvert and that's just my personality at the moment. I, myself, might completely change but my view is the same as yours now.

[Djuna]

Originally Posted by hindsight2020

Marriage without children? That's even more pointless. Loose cohabitation would fulfill that role without the legal and financial gun pointed to the back of your head.

To reiterate. there is simply no financial security in a marriage where one spouse makes more than the other. The lesser earning party will always benefit from marital dissolution at the expense of the higher earning party. As long as the higher earning party doesn't mind, be it via an implicit understanding that companionship is being remunerated (you know, like a prostitute... ), then all is well in marriedland. But if you DO mind (like I do), then one has no business getting married under that construct.

Modern society is too dynamic for the construct of marriage, and the default contract too punitive. that combination largely feeds the 50% divorce rate we have. We're all one job relocation, job loss, change of mind away from taking it between the uprights. None of these reasons are evil or ill-intending mind you. Which is to say most people have good intentions when pursuing marriage, and it still fails due to said dynamics. Pay-to-play sounds bitter and punitive. It shouldn't be that way. Which is why marriage is losing popularity among the educated and progressive-thinking.

Lastly, I'll touch on the mother of all double standards. Women are never called out when they demand that their mate must be "financially stable". Which is a euphemism for "my husband needs to make more than me". The peanut gallery nods. But I stand in the food court and demand a woman make more than me before I would consider marrying her and it's holy blasphemy. That about sums up my feelings on women's true intentions in marriage, and as it has been summed up in this thread already, however damaging it is to society as a whole for me to actually opt out of marriage, I am free to do so.

In talking to women, the concept of life companionship is really fundamentally tied up to that dumb marriage certificate because their peer groups are socially conditioned to expect it as normalcy. I do think outside of that women are actually liberated enough in this day and age to recognize they don't actually need a piece of paper in order to insulate themselves from loneliness. I'm not betting the farm on being able to sway the tide on that one though. If I win the lottery and find a woman cool with a more progressive view of life companionship, that also happens to be a woman I find my sexual, emotional and intellectual fit, great! If not, I ain't going back to the poor house just because I'm lonely. Good luck to all.

You really could do with some intense counseling for that awful bitterness that's eating you from the inside out.

[birdinmigration]

Originally Posted by hindsight2020

Marriage without children? That's even more pointless. Loose cohabitation would fulfill that role without the legal and financial gun pointed to the back of your head.

To reiterate. there is simply no financial security in a marriage where one spouse makes more than the other. The lesser earning party will always benefit from marital dissolution at the expense of the higher earning party. As long as the higher earning party doesn't mind, be it via an implicit understanding that companionship is being remunerated (you know, like a prostitute... ), then all is well in marriedland. But if you DO mind (like I do), then one has no business getting married under that construct.

Modern society is too dynamic for the construct of marriage, and the default contract too punitive. that combination largely feeds the 50% divorce rate we have. We're all one job relocation, job loss, change of mind away from taking it between the uprights. None of these reasons are evil or ill-intending mind you. Which is to say most people have good intentions when pursuing marriage, and it still fails due to said dynamics. Pay-to-play sounds bitter and punitive. It shouldn't be that way. Which is why marriage is losing popularity among the educated and progressive-thinking.

Lastly, I'll touch on the mother of all double standards. Women are never called out when they demand that their mate must be "financially stable". Which is a euphemism for "my husband needs to make more than me". The peanut gallery nods. But I stand in the food court and demand a woman make more than me before I would consider marrying her and it's holy blasphemy. That about sums up my feelings on women's true intentions in marriage, and as it has been summed up in this thread already, however damaging it is to society as a whole for me to actually opt out of marriage, I am free to do so.

In talking to women, the concept of life companionship is really fundamentally tied up to that dumb marriage certificate because their peer groups are socially conditioned to expect it as normalcy. I do think outside of that women are actually liberated enough in this day and age to recognize they don't actually need a piece of paper in order to insulate themselves from loneliness. I'm not betting the farm on being able to sway the tide on that one though. If I win the lottery and find a woman cool with a more progressive view of life companionship, that also happens to be a woman I find my sexual, emotional and intellectual fit, great! If not, I ain't going back to the poor house just because I'm lonely. Good luck to all.

What, like at the mall?

Wait -- was that you in the food court stamping your foot and shouting "If you can't afford the Sbarro's honey, I'm outta here!"

[20yrsinBranson]

Originally Posted by hindsight2020

Marriage without children? That's even more pointless.

As a blissfully childfree person, I'm sure that my peers on this board will concur that having children is probably the *least* important reason to get married.

You are obviously clueless on several different levels.

20yrsinBranson