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Old 06-26-2011, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Texas
42,262 posts, read 49,821,133 times
Reputation: 67098

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ankhharu View Post
I'm 35 and divorced. I hope I hold true to my desire to never marry again. I too think marriage is antiquated. A perfect excuse for someone to get lazy and stop caring about their appearance, goals, neglect someone, etc.

.
Why does marriage give you the perfect excuse to stop caring about your appearance?
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Old 06-26-2011, 05:23 PM
 
Location: North of the border!
662 posts, read 1,043,081 times
Reputation: 1297
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzette View Post
I'm divorced and I call shenanigans on this thread. When people are that strident about things they've never experienced, it nearly always means they are coming from a place of sour grapes. In the OP's case, nearly every thread he makes in the Relationships forum is to complain about, denigrate, put down, castigate, or belittle women and relationships.

Why? Because he has no success with them.

As I said in the thread that has since been pulled, just because smart, beautiful, witty, well-educated, desirable women aren't interested in committing to you, that doesn't mean we don't exist.
That's as far as I've read so far, excellent!
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Old 06-26-2011, 05:23 PM
 
19,081 posts, read 21,210,586 times
Reputation: 13392
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ankhharu View Post
I'm 35 and divorced. I hope I hold true to my desire to never marry again. I too think marriage is antiquated. A perfect excuse for someone to get lazy and stop caring about their appearance, goals, neglect someone, etc. I understand the OP's reason for posting this and I doubt it's due to conflicting inner feelings and more to the fact that people all around are constantly treating marriage as some accomplishment as if it takes a special skill, years of hardwork and college to pull off. Government and religion seem to be the only real benefactors to marriage. I don't knock people for wanting to get married, but I hate the social stigma that it's some great accomplishment. Despite my realist state of mind on marriage, I'm still a bit of a hopeless romantic. However, the logical side of my brain cannot ignore all the negatives and pitfalls that inflict couples once they take those vows.
I think what the several happily married folk in this thread are saying is that it's good for you if you want to remain single, but you're not to speak for anyone but yourself. We all approach life differently. A successful marriage, imo, indeed requires special skills and years of hard work to pull off. You were divorced at 33 and probably 32, and yet you were married for 7 years? That would mean that you married at 25 and probably met your ex at 22-23. At 22, at 25 and on, I knew damn well I could not commit to a marriage. It was never a consideration despite two proposals. I knew that I had to figure myself out first; figure out what I wanted in a mate. I waited a long time. I was engaged for a long time. I approached it completely differently than you did and probably other folk in this thread. Our marriages are not to be compared. It depends on the individuals.

Still, it's excellent that you are happy and single. That's the way it should be for you.

Quote:
Tax breaks? Kids give you tax breaks, marriage brings you higher taxes.

<---- was married for 7 years and ALWAYS had to pay. As a single man making the same as he did the first 2-3 years of marriage, I get a pretty good sum of money back.
I get tax benefits from my dh. Especially, since he's been in college the last few years. I write the tuition off on my taxes as the primary earner. It's good.
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Old 06-26-2011, 05:24 PM
 
88 posts, read 233,375 times
Reputation: 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I just want to say that my paternal grandparents' 60th anniversary was this past May, and my parents' 40th is in August. My maternal grandparents were married for more than 60 years before my grandfather died of cancer. I think being surrounded by a strongly pro-marriage family helps.
Don't take this an insult but you've got to put that into perspective. Many people from your grandparents generation didn't marry because they really wanted to or really liked eachother, it was just supposed to get married at a certain age. The same goes for kids, even in my parents generation many children weren't truly desired, it was just supposed to have children. That was the way things worked. And divorce being such a taboo back then, no wonder these marriages last so long.

For example, if you ask my grandmother (she's 90) what she thinks about couples having just one child, she'll say it doesn't make sense, people should always have at least 2. And if you ask her to explain why she'll just say because that's the way it is. These older generations don't question these issues, they simply accept tradition as it has always been.

People are born, grow up, marry, have kids, never divorce and die. Why should it be like this? It doesn't matter (from their point of view).
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Old 06-26-2011, 05:24 PM
 
Location: bold new city of the south
5,200 posts, read 4,111,141 times
Reputation: 6156
Default Being married sucks!

Not any more.
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Old 06-26-2011, 05:27 PM
 
Location: Middletown, Ohio
1,727 posts, read 2,227,335 times
Reputation: 6382
Lightbulb A Big Amen...And Furthermore...

Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
I can see why having kids would be a pinch on your money, but why would being married cost you money?

You don't get married for the sake of being married. You get married because you met the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

I think that's why marriage looks so crappy to y'all...you know too many people who got married just to get married.
For those that don't know my backstory, I had been married and divorced 3 (count 'em!) 3 times, before I met the current and LAST Mrs Catfish...she is the true love of my life, and I'm thankful every day that I didn't go to some nameless saloon and drink a bunch of bitter-beer, because the first 3 didn't work out...

I coulda walked away after #3...coulda walked around cursing both women and the institution of marriage in general...coulda sworn nothing was wrong with MY a**, and EVERYTHING was wrong with THEM...Coulda---but I didn't!

In the 3 yrs that passed between #3 and Mrs Catfish, I did a lot of soul searching...I went over everything I did wrong in my 3 previous marriages, and any other relationships I had had prior to THEM...and I swore that if the right one came along, she was going to get the best possible me she could get, and not have to fight any ghosts or bitterness or baggage from my past...

And y'know what? It worked...met her in 2004, married her in 2007, been in the best physical, mental, and romantic shape of my life ever since...but, I say this with a caveat---that just because MY situation is fine, that doesn't mean everyone else's is...for those who are single and enjoy it and don't wish or want to get married, either now, in the future, or maybe not at all, I ain't mad atcha...do you...enjoy your life and your status, because it's the choice you made...

For those who are divorced...been there done that...what you make of life post-divorce is totally on you, should it be another marriage, or choosing to stay single...you won't get any flack from me because of your choices...for those of you who are in 'bad' relationships and marriages, keep your heads up...hold out hope that communication, or finances, or whatever or WHO-ever is souring your situation will improve over time...and in the end, if counseling or whatever thing you've tried to mend the fences isn't working, then provide yourself with an exit strategy...

But above all, I beseech you this one thing---don't get all flummoxed and start railing on that something 'sucks', when you've never even triedit...that goes whether it's deciding not to date, or not to get married...I can see and totally understand if you've tried it, and it didn't work, and you wanted to vent, but not trying it and arbitrarily saying it sucks just to hear your own voice...well, that makes absolutely no earthly sense to me
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Old 06-26-2011, 05:32 PM
 
Location: Iowa, Heartland of Murica
3,437 posts, read 5,348,746 times
Reputation: 3400
Quote:
Originally Posted by JasonDavis View Post
Don't take this an insult but you've got to put that into perspective. Many people from your grandparents generation didn't marry because they really wanted to or really liked eachother, it was just supposed to get married at a certain age. The same goes for kids, even in my parents generation many children weren't truly desired, it was just supposed to have children. That was the way things worked. And divorce being such a taboo back then, no wonder these marriages last so long.
I agree 100%! Most of these "happily married" people who have been together for many years simply gave up on their goals, dreams, desires as individuals in order to make the marriage work. The whole idea of giving up on my dreams as an individual to make some relationship work makes absolutely no sense.

I wonder how many women in my grandparents generation had a healthy sexual life in their marriage, or even know what an orgasm feels like.

Also, the whole idea of having sex with the same person for 50 years is something my mind is not able or willing to process.
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Old 06-26-2011, 05:35 PM
 
Location: Texas
42,262 posts, read 49,821,133 times
Reputation: 67098
Quote:
Originally Posted by Repubocrat View Post
I agree 100%! Most of these "happily married" people who have been together for many years simply gave up on their goals, dreams, desires as individuals in order to make the marriage work. The whole idea of giving up on my dreams as an individual to make some relationship work makes absolutely no sense.

I wonder how many women in my grandparents generation had a healthy sexual life in their marriage, or even know what an orgasm feels like.

Also, the whole idea of having sex with the same person for 50 years is something my mind is not able or willing to process.
Uh, your partner is supposed to help you achieve your hopes and dreams, not drown them.

These are some sad examples you've run across in your life.

Ever since I've met my wife, all we've done is improve and achieve more.

The sex thing I can't help you with. There's little or no way around that unless you get all old world european with it and have 'an understanding' with your wife/husband.
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Old 06-26-2011, 05:36 PM
 
19,081 posts, read 21,210,586 times
Reputation: 13392
Quote:
Originally Posted by JasonDavis View Post
People are born, grow up, marry, have kids, never divorce and die. Why should it be like this? It doesn't matter (from their point of view).
Imo, it's that way due to family, specifically families that care about each other. Nothing is more important than family from my pov. It's the nectar of life.
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Old 06-26-2011, 05:37 PM
 
4,721 posts, read 4,290,457 times
Reputation: 8988
Stay single and earn the undying gratitude of all women everywhere.
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