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Old 06-26-2011, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Iowa, Heartland of Murica
3,190 posts, read 3,248,762 times
Reputation: 3037

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This is my conclusion, I am 34, single, no kids, never been married, probably never will, I don't even understand why people in the USA are so obsessed with this very antiquated concept.

Some of the brightest people I know around my age are not married either and truly enjoying life, I have a friend who is extremely smart and educated and she has no desire to get married or have kids.

I am far from being wealthy but just because I am not married or have kids, I have enough money to do most of the things I love like traveling.

I don't even understand why most people get married anyways, it seems like most people do it because they have been pressured to do it by someone else or because society "expects" them do it, I could care less about what people or society "expect" from me.

Anyways, I would love to know some of the "rational" reasons why people get married.
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Old 06-26-2011, 09:37 AM
 
Location: Emerald Coast, FL
4,472 posts, read 3,869,259 times
Reputation: 6919
If you're happy living the single life, then good for you. On the other hand, when it works, marriage is a wonderful thing - but a long-term commited non-marital relationship is every bit as good, too!

I think people who want marriage want the commitment and companionship. To some extent this is an illusion, since there are no guarantees, but the symbolism does matter to many. The tax breaks, however, are real! And so are spousal health insurance and pension benefits. Not that these things are reasons to marry, but they come with the package.

Anyway, these things do not seem to matter to you, so if you're happy with life, continue on. There is not need to knock other people's choices - they have the right and ability to do so, even knowing that the odds are against them. The quest sometimes matters more than the outcome.
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Old 06-26-2011, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Middle America
17,706 posts, read 15,126,271 times
Reputation: 20655
Quote:
Originally Posted by Repubocrat View Post
This is my conclusion, I am 34, single, no kids, never been married, probably never will...
You do realize that this, right here, jettisons your credibility, I assume.

I'm your same age, and also have no kids and have never been married, no rush to (I am, however, in a successful, happy, long-term cohabiting relationship). I am realistic enough to know, though, that there is no one-size-fits-all label for people's relationships. Some people are happiest never marrying. Some are happiest not even being in committed relationships. Some people have wonderful marriages and other partnerships that enhance their lives tremendously. Some (most) people have relationships and marriages that go through though times, but are ultimately worthwhile to them to maintain. And often, what makes people happiest changes and evolves as they age and grow and mature and gain life experience. Being married or not being married is not what truly enjoying life hinges upon. There are people in either camp who find they enjoy life. Your attitude, mindset, and knowing what's best for you and making your decisions accordingly are all things that contribute to your enjoyment of life. But what's best for one person assuredly doesn't represent a universal.

Will we get married? Probably, someday. When we feel like it. Is there societal pressure? Probably...it's not something we're especially tuned into. We've lived together for four years, and we never get the "when are you getting married?" talk from friends and immediate family. They accept, as do we, that the more important thing is that we've found somebody we're happy with. His grandparents have brought up the "What should we call [TabulaRasa]? Your fiancee?" (his answer: "You could just call her [TabulaRasa]...that would make the most sense")...but given that we see them once every couple of years, it's not a pervasive societal pressure. For the most part, in our day-to-day life, nobody seems to give a flying fig whether or not we're married, and it mostly never comes up.

Why do people get married? Largely because they want to, because it's important to them for a variety of reasons. But it's not crucial to everybody.
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Old 06-26-2011, 09:40 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
16,186 posts, read 8,631,436 times
Reputation: 16148
Being a man sucks! I'm not a man but I know so many unhappy men that it must absolutely suck!

Being single sucks! I'm not single but I see so many bitter, unhappy, whiney single people that it must absolutely suck!

Get my point?
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Old 06-26-2011, 09:43 AM
Status: "Pretty much LOVING being a Mommy" (set 6 days ago)
 
Location: J-ville, FL
215 posts, read 215,316 times
Reputation: 304
Quote:
Originally Posted by Repubocrat View Post
This is my conclusion, I am 34, single, no kids, never been married, probably never will, I don't even understand why people in the USA are so obsessed with this very antiquated concept.

Some of the brightest people I know around my age are not married either and truly enjoying life, I have a friend who is extremely smart and educated and she has no desire to get married or have kids.

I am far from being wealthy but just because I am not married or have kids, I have enough money to do most of the things I love like traveling.

I don't even understand why most people get married anyways, it seems like most people do it because they have been pressured to do it by someone else or because society "expects" them do it, I could care less about what people or society "expect" from me.

Anyways, I would love to know some of the "rational" reasons why people get married.
Good for you Repbocrat! You are living your life and loving it, not many people can say that. You keep doing what works for you!

I married my highschool sweatheart. I married him because I wanted to call him "husband" (LOL, so corny) I wanted that guarantee, if you will, that he will be there. I want that commitment. As did he (or so he says, LOL!). We both share similar values and goals. We are both family oriented. We got married because we enjoy eachother.

But no one should get married because they feel they "have to". That's sad.
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Old 06-26-2011, 09:44 AM
 
1,253 posts, read 960,478 times
Reputation: 2472
You get married because you care enough about someone, and someone cares enough about you, to say publicly and for the record that you hope and expect to bond and remain with this person for life. (the fact that it fails a large percentage of the time says more about human frailty than the hope that inspires it). But the fact that people keep trying it is a huge testament to the human need to celebrate love and togetherness.

The fact that you haven't experienced it, nor wish to, says more about you than it says about the concept of marriage as a whole. You may feel this way for a while, and then one day you will meet someone and do a complete reversal! Or you may not, it's a crap-shoot. Personally, I hope you will, and you will look back on your post and laugh.

*** A big SHOUT-OUT to gay folks here in NEW YORK!! ROCK ON!! Mazel Tov and I hope to hear wedding bells pealing madly for you!! ***
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Old 06-26-2011, 09:45 AM
 
Location: So Cal
24,847 posts, read 18,595,331 times
Reputation: 23362
Don't get married.

Problem solved.
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Old 06-26-2011, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Middle America
17,706 posts, read 15,126,271 times
Reputation: 20655
Seriously, do you get that it would make more sense to say, "I don't think marriage is for me," than "Marriage as an institution obviously sucks for all people, because I don't want it for myself?"

Be secure in your choices. There's no need to justify them by trying to make a case that your choices are the best choices for all, if only others had the sense you have. If you're confident in what's right for you, you have no need to make blanket statements about what's right for others. You obviously don't appreciate it when you feel that "society" is doing that same thing to you. But with blanket "Marriage sucks" statements, you're doing the same thing. Marriage isn't for everyone. But there are those who choose it as being right for them.
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Old 06-26-2011, 09:53 AM
 
9,717 posts, read 6,797,327 times
Reputation: 9780
Repubocrat...I stayed single too....and loved it!....then I got married...and love it more...To each his own...if being single agrees with you ,great...but it sounds kinda foolish when you say marriage sucks, and you've never been married.
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Old 06-26-2011, 09:56 AM
 
14,924 posts, read 8,221,909 times
Reputation: 11775
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
Don't get married.

Problem solved.
Taaa Daaa!!! This is BRILLIANT!
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