What are your thoughts? (marriage, women, husband, engagement)

[saywha]

Another thread in this forum got me thinking......


A former co-worker of mine got engaged recently. She is really a nice person, and he's such a sweet guy. Her fiance has 4 children from a previous marriage and has to pay child support, which has him pretty strapped for cash. Well he gave her (IMO) a beautiful ring, but then again she's the one who has to wear it. It was definately 1 carat if not bigger.


She said she liked it, but she wanted to make a few changes to it. Well those changes turned into, a completely different ring, literally, she picked out a different ring. This new ring was much bigger and way more extravagant. Now I DO admire her "if ya want something-go get it!"- mentality. But I couldn't help but feel bad for her fiance. He is so sweet, and he is really romantic, and I just know he put in a lot of thought and $$$ into the original ring.



So women, would you or have you done this? And men, how does that make you feel?

[Thursday007]

No, I'd never do that.

[Knight2009]

Maybe have the planned-to-be-engaged guy & gal, both shop for the engagement ring together?

A tough one...I agree about what you said about the male fiance. At the same time, the female fiance deserves to have a ring she likes.

If I were hypothetically about to become engaged and my fiance asked to swap and/or get a brand-new engagement ring, sure I would do it, but I would prolly also be kinda hurt though, I guess...

[crisan]

I did not change anything but maybe she asked him before and he was okay with it. Maybe she paid for the changes.

[*Sixy*]

When I got engaged my husband and I went looking at rings. We actually picked a stone out together and a setting and then that was the last I saw until the ring was made.

Now that it is 15yrs later and I'm older and wiser (I would hope anyway)....I can honestly say the ring really wouldn't matter to me.

[Coolhand68]

It's nice to be romantic and try and wow her with what you think is a great ring, especially if it's a surprise proposal. But if the engagement was discussed and there's even a hint of a doubt, it's best to go looking at rings together. She'll have to wear it for life and it should be something she's really happy with. That said, she should be considerate of his budget and what he can afford. Find something that is within the ballpark. You can always upgrade later.

[KickAssArmyChick]

I did not like the engagement ring my ex husband got me but I never told him that.

[saywha]

Yeah my husband and I picked the ring out together (I had no idea he went back after he dropped me off and bought it,and held on to it for 3 months!) Mine is small and simple, just what I wanted, it's the only jewlery I wear. If he had picked a ring out on his own, and I didn't like it, I would NEVER tell him. Because it came from his heart, and that's what makes it precious to me.

[LexWest]

I wouldn't want to do that, especially with an already large ring. It would seem as if what he did wasn't good enough. I would just be happy with the ring. There are worse things in the world.

As a side note, the fiancé should evaluate who he's marrying. If her ring had to be that extravagant, there's no telling how high her expectations will be during a marriage, especially since she needs to consider his other obligations... .In this case, I don't think this fiancée's "mentality" will work if she wants a lasting, happy, marriage.

[findinghope]

i am glad i never saw my ring, we never went shopping together, i never told him what i liked. in fact i never knew i was getting one. i knew his situation as well as my own and getting a ring didnt matter. he did pick out something different than i would have, but it was beautiful and i know he put so much effort and thought and $$$ in it, i would never say anything or change it in any way. its sentimental value for me.