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Old 06-29-2011, 02:11 PM
 
2,677 posts, read 3,650,714 times
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I have a friend who's gf just started to work a few nights a week, he works 9-5. So he told me that he's trolling craigslist at night just to "check it out." He communicates with the women as if he will get with them and then stops replying to emails after talk gets to meeting up. He says he would never meet up with any of them because he loves his girl, etc etc. Where's the line?
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:13 PM
 
538 posts, read 1,228,310 times
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Sounds like he is bored and needs a hobby.

I wouldn't consider it cheating, but it's only the first step in that direction.

Obviously something is up if he chooses to do that vs. something more productive, like going on a walk...
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:14 PM
 
Location: John & Ken-ville
13,689 posts, read 14,824,188 times
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If he's married it's a problem. Legal commitment to a family/wife, maybe they're flirting with the idea of cheating should the occasion arise.

If he's single, it's not a problem. No legal commitment, only has a girlfriend, not cheating.

Period.

There's also no "thought police" anything that doesn't involve an actual meeting isn't cheating if they're only thinking about it.
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:16 PM
 
Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 4,147,915 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katestar View Post
I have a friend who's gf just started to work a few nights a week, he works 9-5. So he told me that he's trolling craigslist at night just to "check it out." He communicates with the women as if he will get with them and then stops replying to emails after talk gets to meeting up. He says he would never meet up with any of them because he loves his girl, etc etc. Where's the line?

He's a cheater...
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Austin, Texas
2,756 posts, read 5,179,852 times
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Well, as my favorite shrink Buddy Rydell might say, while what your friend is doing may not technically be defined as cheating, it's certainly looks to be "cheating's ugly cousin."
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:17 PM
 
8,680 posts, read 12,598,759 times
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The line is how his girlfriend would feel about it. Not whether there is a legal commitment, not whether he would actually sleep with the women, but whether his girlfriend would be upset by his actions and see them as a betrayal.

The next time your friend talks to you about this, ask him whether his girlfriend knows about it and how she would feel. Then ask him how he would feel if she did the same.

Frankly, I think he's a scuzzbag for doing that.
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:19 PM
 
2,677 posts, read 3,650,714 times
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Not married, they live together and plan to get married evenutally. He does all that stuff, goes to the gym after work (we meet up there a few days a week for spin class), then does some food shopping, cooking etc then says he gets bored. He doesn't watch tv or play video games. I myself go both ways on this, on the one side he's not doing anything, on the other side, how long before he does do something??
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:19 PM
 
538 posts, read 1,228,310 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LuckyGem View Post
If he's married it's a problem. Legal commitment to a family/wife, maybe they're flirting with the idea of cheating should the occasion arise.

If he's single, it's not a problem. No legal commitment, only has a girlfriend, not cheating.
This makes absolutely no sense.

People/relationships don't matter if there is no legal commitment? So, arranged marriages for all?
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:20 PM
 
Location: John & Ken-ville
13,689 posts, read 14,824,188 times
Reputation: 9470
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzette View Post
The line is how his girlfriend would feel about it. Not whether there is a legal commitment, not whether he would actually sleep with the women, but whether his girlfriend would be upset by his actions and see them as a betrayal.

The next time your friend talks to you about this, ask him whether his girlfriend knows about it and how she would feel. Then ask him how he would feel if she did the same.

Frankly, I think he's a scuzzbag for doing that.
He's not considering her feelings in the first place if he's trolling websites and flirting around. If he considered how she'd feel he wouldn't be looking would he?

Obviously he doesn't care.

Is cheating the physical act of meeting someone outside of a relationship, or simply talking to someone flirting around on the web?

If they're married and contemplating hooking up with someone that's considered a prelude to cheating and that's infidelity. Legally.
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 19,614,422 times
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I'd say there is a line and that he's already crossed it. But that's just me. Looking at Craiglist for women is bad enough by itself if you are in a relationship. Contacting the women is even worse. I'd get out while I still could!
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