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In reality, the males of the species usually pursue the females. Most males enjoy the thrill of the chase. Females usually enjoy being sought, pursued. To a certain extent, it's hardwired into our biology.
Most men don't enjoy it. Most do it because they have to. And it's not hardwired, it's social conditioning.
Bring in a cup of coffee for BOTH of the women that you are attracted to (and any others around) and tell them it is just a "Thank you" for all the hard work they do for patrons such as yourself.
See if either of the women use it as a way to start up a conversation with you. If they don't, you are still safe. If they start chatting you up, you can take it from there (and if not, come back here are we will push you into it ).
Remember that 'Friends' episode when Monica is dating the guy who drinks too much and then she convinces him to stop and then she's so bored with him when he's sober?
Bring in a cup of coffee for BOTH of the women that you are attracted to (and any others around) and tell them it is just a "Thank you" for all the hard work they do for patrons such as yourself.
See if either of the women use it as a way to start up a conversation with you. If they don't, you are still safe. If they start chatting you up, you can take it from there (and if not, come back here are we will push you into it ).
Most men don't enjoy it. Most do it because they have to. And it's not hardwired, it's social conditioning.
It doesn't matter what males like to do. Most women won't be responding because there are a lot of men who are playas who leave their numbers with tons of women. And women have gotten wise to that fact. Exchanging numbers however is a good compromise. Then man or woman can call.
Davros: I had bad social anxiety as a child (I think it was because I was raised in isolation). As an adult if I was forced to talk to intimidating people I had to play a mind game where I would visualize myself as super confident and awesome (like a movie star), and them as my equals or less - that would tide me over for about an hour or two. Carrying yourself while taking up a lot of physical space (i.e. puffing yourself up, swagger) helps mentally too. It also helps to just be friendly to many random people without expecting anything in return from them. Obviously continue to work on the issues that you are aware of, but these techniques can help to normalize things and make you less stressed. And don't be discouraged because knowing your issues is an important part of the battle. Not doing anything about it is where people get stuck...
I'm thinking of asking out a librarian that I've been into for a couple of years now. She seems really shy. I can't tell if she likes me or not.
I was thinking of just giving her my phone number in case she wants to talk to me sometime she's off work.
But I'm afraid that bothering an employee of the library would not only be wrong (people are at work to work, not to get asked out or otherwise bothered), but would get me banned from the library.
Actually, there are two librarians that I'm kind of into. One of them seems to be more into me than the other. But maybe she only smiled to be friendly.
Here's a novel suggestion. Why don't you simply TALK TO THEM?
By that, I mean talk about something besides the business at hand. If they're interested, they'll have a conversation with you. If not, they'll say, "I'm sorry, but I need to get back to work right now."
women who work with the public get paid to be friendly, I wouldn't be able to tell if it was me or was she just doing her job, especially the saloon girls they hire at Starbucks, Check out books that will make her think you are an interesting guy. If she is attractive you have to know she gets hit on all the time so try to be original.
It's too late to ask out the librarian (a stream of consciousness rant)
I've been going to the library for 4 years & I've never even talked to her, except once I asked her for a stapler and once I asked her for help with a computer. That's too long to see someone and never talk to them and then all of a sudden become friendly and everything after 4 years. Too wierd.
You know, I don't even want to ask her out. I'd just like to say a friendly hello to her, and maybe chat with her for a second just for fun. And then maybe we'd say hello and something fun every time. And maybe we could become friends. That's all I want. But I'm too scared to even just say "hi" to her. I haven't been friendly to her for 4 years, so why start now ?
I'd love to make some friends in this life, but I haven't had a friend since Junior High. I kind of have some friends at work, but that's all I got and so I talk too much at work because I don't have any friends outside of work. And we don't do anything fun out of work except about 3 times a year.
I'm too lazy to make friends in the community or at work. I don't want to have to fix up my place. I'm too lazy to get any furniture for my new apartment. I'm a mess. I'm going to see a therapist, but in a couple of weeks. I'm too busy right now. But NO DRUGS ! I'm not going to let them mess with my mind again with their rediculous drugs. Luvox turned me into someone else, and Prozac didn't seem to help me. Why should I trust these people to mess with my brain when they can't really understand the brain ?
All the therapist is going to do is push drugs. My MD is already pushing drugs. He said I gotta see a therapist for OCD and he wants a follow up appointment so he can prescribe the drugs.
All they've got is drugs and I don't trust them !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't want someone messing with my mind.
But I'm so lazy that I'm ruining my life.
Here's my problem. I demand that I go about life in the perfect manner. Everything must be perfect. Case in point is the furniture. I want to do it right. I want to buy American made furniture. But I'm too lazy to call up the handful of stores that sell it around here according to the internet, too lazy to rent a truck to go pick it up, too lazy to recruit someone at work to help me get it into my apartment. So what happens ? I don't get any furniture at all, and so I can't invite any friends to my apartment to watch a game or something. And my place is a pigsty because there's nowhere to put my stuff but the floor.
Laziness and perfectionism. That's the worst combination possible. It makes life a real challenge. It makes you, basically, a loser. Which is what I am. A loser.
I was supposed to set up a computer to do some freelance work. But I wanted to set it up perfectly, with a firewall that I myself coded up. But that proved too hard, so I just quit, and the freelance work never got done. Meantime, I used the freelance work I was supposed to be working on to avoid going out and meeting people in my new town, so I'd just watch TV instead, and now it's too late. No-one would want to meet me now. Well, that's dumb logic, but it's the logic I got. And I'm still too scared to try to meet people in the community. I volunteered for a while, but I made a mess of that by getting lazy at one point and doing something dumb, so I couldn't show my face there again. Besides I hated it. Risk of bed bugs and swine flu and staph and all kinds of other crap there. Made me feel so dirty to be there. I didn't want to bring those germs back to work and make people at work get sick because of me. That's the worst is making other people sick, and it being your fault that they're sick. So I'm glad I had to quit. I wasn't making any friends there anyways, because I was too shy to really talk to anybody about anything much. And most of them were old ladies who didn't like me anyways. There was a cute 20-something girl one day who showed me a little interest, but that scared me, and so I didn't show up for a couple of weeks, and never saw her again. I get scared and clam up whenever women show hints of interest in me.
Anyhow, there are some single women my age in this town, in spite of my myths about this town being an impossible place for a 30 year old to find a date, but there's no way I'm going to meet them, because I'm too lazy to make friends and go out and meet people.
You people aren't going to force me to take psych drugs !!!! Not gonna happen. You aren't going to force me to leave my comfort zone either !!! This is my life, and I'm going to continue to live it the way I always have and continue to ruin my own life, and there ain't a darn thing any of you people can do about it.
Ladies and gentleman, may I have a show of hands for those of you who really care? Anybody, somebody, you there in the back, your hand is up? Oh, you were just smelling your arm pit? Nevermind.
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It's too late to ask out the librarian (a stream of consciousness rant)
