Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If you had said - I wish he had called me to cancel - I think you would have gotten different responses. But you said you KNEW he was lying from his first text- and you called him a loser and a jerk. Like I said, call me naive - but I have a feeling if a guy was lying to get out of a date - he would have just texted you - car broke down, date's off.
I understand not wanting to pick up a complete stranger - but you made it sound like you would not pick up a guy because it is the man's job to pick up the woman, not the other way around. Meeting each other at the restaurant is definitly the safest option for a first date - but that's not what you made it sound like in the beginning.
Yes, he should have called.
I think the lesson we can all learn from this is that sometimes it is better to talk to someone on the phone than it is to text. Texting can lead to confusion and misunderstandings.
I agree with Dew. The guy sounds like a flake from sportsfangal's description, but I don't think approaching a brand-new potential relationship with negativity is going to help.
I do not like communicating by text either. It's so easy to misconstrue what it said with such brevity. Like others suggested, maybe the guy was hoping you sounded more sympathetic or helpful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sportsfangal
Dating isn't my focus, it doesn't rule my life. I just thought I'd try online. I have interests and I do many things.
I'm going to post about this not looking and you'll find it thing! I'm trying to think of other locations besides the ones I'm doing. I like museums, shows, coffee, wine, sports, etc. So I'm "hanging out" in places I enjoy and where you'd think there would be quality people.
I don't really have anything to take a break from since I'm not actively looking, I'm not glued to the dating websites, I just andwered a response from someone who contacted me.
But I see your point, I do focus on other things and have many other interests!
Just a suggestion ... if you always do things the same way (like your rules about communicating in the same way the guy does or not picking a man up) and are dissatisfied with the results, maybe it's time to try something else.
Well, since his was essentially still a stranger, I think I displayed the appropriate amount of sympathy, by saying "wow, that's a bummer about your car, hope it's not too major". what other response should I have given?
I don't approach relationships with negativity, I was looking forward to meeting this guy based on our prior texts and single phone conversation. How is that negative?
Also, he should have showed more sympathy to me by cancelling the date instead of just blowing it off, or sending a silly 2 word text that does not tellme the date is off.
I don't really do things a certain way, I just approach each potential person as a fresh start, then when it goes sour, it gets disappointing, but I still don't let it stop me from meeting or talking to other men.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
I agree with Dew. The guy sounds like a flake from sportsfangal's description, but I don't think approaching a brand-new potential relationship with negativity is going to help.
I do not like communicating by text either. It's so easy to misconstrue what it said with such brevity. Like others suggested, maybe the guy was hoping you sounded more sympathetic or helpful.
And as far as picking up a man, this was essentially a stranger, I don't feel comfortable picking him up, I wouldn't even want to be picked up by the man on the first meeting. I think meeting in a neutral place at first is perfectly acceptable. And I think in this day and age, any one can rent a car when they need one. Expense aside, it's still an option!
Just a suggestion ... if you always do things the same way (like your rules about communicating in the same way the guy does or not picking a man up) and are dissatisfied with the results, maybe it's time to try something else.
and it still does not matter who picks up who, how much a car cost to get fixed, the whole point of the post- and I still tirelessly defend this: is that all he had to do was cancel, let me know that because of his car issues, he couldn't make the date and perhaps we can reschedule.
Why are people fixated on the picking up, car repairs, rules of dating, etc etc??
and it still does not matter who picks up who, how much a car cost to get fixed, the whole point of the post- and I still tirelessly defend this: is that all he had to do was cancel, let me know that because of his car issues, he couldn't make the date and perhaps we can reschedule.
Why are people fixated on the picking up, car repairs, rules of dating, etc etc??
Sports.
If it had been me I would have borrowed a friends or relatives car or rented a car so as not to break the date. If neither of those were an option I would have just asked for a reschedule.
Either of those options is what a mature adult male would do. I'm not going to wade through the rest of the threads comments and criticisms.
Sorry you hit a dud, I had A LOT of duds on-line dating and unfortunately the whole "kiss a lot of frogs" thing is true.
If you feel you are in a slump I would strongly suggest you try something *radical* and try a different approach or do something out of your comfort zone or whatever....it may just be a placebo but the worst thing that can happen is to start to pick up scar tissue from a bunch of crappy dates that affects your own attitude. (Not saying this is your problem, just offering some rut-busting advice. )
I can't speak for all women, but for me, if I can't make a date or simply don't want to go, I would just tell him I can't make it and can we get a raincheck.
And there is no reason men can't do the same. Really, I can't blame you for being annoyed.
But hey, at least now you know that he's too disorganized to figure out a back-up plan and too socially inept to ask for that raincheck. Now you can move on. NEXT!
I think people are sorta missing the point here arguing about whether or not she should have given him a ride or her "strict" rules, none of that matters, if the guy wanted to see her, he would have found a way out, he's just being a typical lazy slacker probably too chicken**** to say he doesn't want to go out with her.
If his car is in the shop, fine, rent something modest for a day or two, BFD, I don't know why the simplest stuff seems to be so difficult for some people.
Good god, I'm glad I'm not out in the dating world.
I am so frustrated about the "quality" of men that are out there, especially the ones online. I give online dating a try just as a different way to meet men. I am very social, I'm outgoing, and I like to talk to people. But I think the men that are online must be socially inept, insecure, boring, weak, broke, or combinations of all of those!! An example:
Only a few days ago, I got a message from a guy online, we texted back and forth and he seemed pleasant enough. Well, we spoke on the phone Friday, and he asked me out for Sat. (yesterday). We had tentative plans to have dinner around 6 or 7pm.
<snip>
When plans are tentative, you have no reason to complain if they don't come to fruition. Tentative means the plans are uncertain, and they do not become definite until both parties agree to make them firm.
Sorry, you don't have a leg to stand on with your complaints. He didn't cancel and he didn't stand you up. He merely did not convert the tentative plans into a firm commitment (and you didn't do that either).
Next time, why not just ask the guy if he can still make it? What is to be gained by staring at the phone waiting for him to tell you what you want to hear? Why waste hours of your day like that?
thanks, Mathguy! (and great to hear from you btw! ), I'm actually going to do something a little out of my comfort zone in a couple weeks, I'm going to a cooking class where we go to a farmer's market and pick out produce to bring back to class and make a meal! I've never done that before, and since I want to experiment with different kinds of produce, I think it will be an awesome learning event! and if I meet some nice people, then great!!
Thank you for the kind words and suggestions, it's nice to know there are some mature ones out there!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathguy
Sports.
If it had been me I would have borrowed a friends or relatives car or rented a car so as not to break the date. If neither of those were an option I would have just asked for a reschedule.
Either of those options is what a mature adult male would do. I'm not going to wade through the rest of the threads comments and criticisms.
Sorry you hit a dud, I had A LOT of duds on-line dating and unfortunately the whole "kiss a lot of frogs" thing is true.
If you feel you are in a slump I would strongly suggest you try something *radical* and try a different approach or do something out of your comfort zone or whatever....it may just be a placebo but the worst thing that can happen is to start to pick up scar tissue from a bunch of crappy dates that affects your own attitude. (Not saying this is your problem, just offering some rut-busting advice. )
I wasn't waiting by the phone at all, I was contiuing with my day as normal. And tentative was because we were going to touch base in the afternoon to discuss a firm time, not if the date was going to happen at all. I did follow up by asking what time were we going to touch base, he's the one that never said he couldn't make it because of car issues. I was lead to believe we were still on, despinte car trouble or not. Am I to read his mind? He could have simply said he couldn't make it.
Your assessment is totally wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC
When plans are tentative, you have no reason to complain if they don't come to fruition. Tentative means the plans are uncertain, and they do not become definite until both parties agree to make them firm.
Sorry, you don't have a leg to stand on with your complaints. He didn't cancel and he didn't stand you up. He merely did not convert the tentative plans into a firm commitment (and you didn't do that either).
Next time, why not just ask the guy if he can still make it? What is to be gained by staring at the phone waiting for him to tell you what you want to hear? Why waste hours of your day like that?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
)
), I'm actually going to do something a little out of my comfort zone in a couple weeks, I'm going to a cooking class where we go to a farmer's market and pick out produce to bring back to class and make a meal! I've never done that before, and since I want to experiment with different kinds of produce, I think it will be an awesome learning event! and if I meet some nice people, then great!!
