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Old 07-03-2011, 11:28 AM
 
Location: Denver, CO
3,657 posts, read 4,644,060 times
Reputation: 1460

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I am so frustrated about the "quality" of men that are out there, especially the ones online. I give online dating a try just as a different way to meet men. I am very social, I'm outgoing, and I like to talk to people. But I think the men that are online must be socially inept, insecure, boring, weak, broke, or combinations of all of those!! An example:

Only a few days ago, I got a message from a guy online, we texted back and forth and he seemed pleasant enough. Well, we spoke on the phone Friday, and he asked me out for Sat. (yesterday). We had tentative plans to have dinner around 6 or 7pm. Ok, so yesterday morning, he sends a text that his transmission went out and he's looking for a place to get it fixed. Now, I am very aware of lies and excuses, I've posted about that before, so I'm already thinking he's just trying to lay the groundwork for an excuse NOT to go out with me last night. So, I just simply send a text that said "that's a bummer, hope you can get it fixed", and that's it. I don't mention the date, or anything, and neither does he. Later on in the afternoon, he texts again that he's getting his car fixed and will be walking for a few days. I'm thinking "whatever", but I send a text that says "can't you rent a car?" he txts back "I guess so, if I can find one", so I wait a little while then send a txt "What time would you like to touch base?" (since he still hasn't mentioned the date or if its off,etc), he txt back "maybe around 5, I need to find transportation", I text "ok".
The whole time, I am fully aware that this loser had no intentions of going out with me, and he just won't cancel the date. He is just lying and making up a story about his car. Anyway, 5pm rolls around and he doesn't txt, and neither do I, at around 6p, he txt "No car :-(", and I'm like, whatever jerk!! I don't txt back or respond in any way.

My frustrations are: why, why, why do guys ask me out if they have no intention of following through? and why do they think of elaborate lies instead of just saying they can't make it? And I am so tired of hearing "Guys don't like confrontation and don't want to disappoint, etc", well, don't they know that when they make up stories and dumb lies that don't make sense its 100 times more disappointing than just saying they can't make it? or maybe they shouldn't pretend they are interested in me in the first place!!!

I am single, and it's getting pretty old, I meet men, but they just don't follow through or it never develops past the first date or a few txts. I feel that I am attractive, socialble, outgoing and I go places where there are all different types of people, I don't hang out in bars and I'm not desparate, I just would like a relationship with an adult, mature male who has his s**t together, can make decisions and is outgoing.
Am I destined to be alone forever????

sorry for the rant!
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Old 07-03-2011, 11:36 AM
 
Location: Iowa, Heartland of Murica
3,195 posts, read 3,305,541 times
Reputation: 3061
Quote:
Originally Posted by sportsfangal View Post
I am so frustrated about the "quality" of men that are out there, especially the ones online. I give online dating a try just as a different way to meet men. I am very social, I'm outgoing, and I like to talk to people. But I think the men that are online must be socially inept, insecure, boring, weak, broke, or combinations of all of those!! An example:

Only a few days ago, I got a message from a guy online, we texted back and forth and he seemed pleasant enough. Well, we spoke on the phone Friday, and he asked me out for Sat. (yesterday). We had tentative plans to have dinner around 6 or 7pm. Ok, so yesterday morning, he sends a text that his transmission went out and he's looking for a place to get it fixed. Now, I am very aware of lies and excuses, I've posted about that before, so I'm already thinking he's just trying to lay the groundwork for an excuse NOT to go out with me last night. So, I just simply send a text that said "that's a bummer, hope you can get it fixed", and that's it. I don't mention the date, or anything, and neither does he. Later on in the afternoon, he texts again that he's getting his car fixed and will be walking for a few days. I'm thinking "whatever", but I send a text that says "can't you rent a car?" he txts back "I guess so, if I can find one", so I wait a little while then send a txt "What time would you like to touch base?" (since he still hasn't mentioned the date or if its off,etc), he txt back "maybe around 5, I need to find transportation", I text "ok".
The whole time, I am fully aware that this loser had no intentions of going out with me, and he just won't cancel the date. He is just lying and making up a story about his car. Anyway, 5pm rolls around and he doesn't txt, and neither do I, at around 6p, he txt "No car :-(", and I'm like, whatever jerk!! I don't txt back or respond in any way.

My frustrations are: why, why, why do guys ask me out if they have no intention of following through? and why do they think of elaborate lies instead of just saying they can't make it? And I am so tired of hearing "Guys don't like confrontation and don't want to disappoint, etc", well, don't they know that when they make up stories and dumb lies that don't make sense its 100 times more disappointing than just saying they can't make it? or maybe they shouldn't pretend they are interested in me in the first place!!!

I am single, and it's getting pretty old, I meet men, but they just don't follow through or it never develops past the first date or a few txts. I feel that I am attractive, socialble, outgoing and I go places where there are all different types of people, I don't hang out in bars and I'm not desparate, I just would like a relationship with an adult, mature male who has his s**t together, can make decisions and is outgoing.
Am I destined to be alone forever????

sorry for the rant!
Well, I have to say, women do exactly the same and honestly, I think online dating sucks. I know it hard to meet people out there, but online, you will find a disproportionate amount of losers( just my opinion!)

Try not to take online dating seriously, because otherwise, you will be frustrated! I met a girl off an online dating site, Fri night and we had a great time, but I made sure, all we wanted to do is have a few drinks and talk. We both had a good time, because there was no pressure and we are going to "hang out" again today, dating sucks!
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Old 07-03-2011, 11:38 AM
Status: "Trying to put "Christmas' inside you." (set 26 days ago)
 
16,187 posts, read 8,491,295 times
Reputation: 11740
So why didn't you offer to go pick him up? Maybe not at his house, but at a different place to go out? Maybe his car was in the body shop getting fixed, and he might not live too far away from his job, so hoofing it to work and back isn't such a big deal.

I'm not trying to bash, but there could have been more effort on both sides, but neither one of you were communicating much.
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Old 07-03-2011, 11:39 AM
 
Location: So Cal
25,198 posts, read 19,011,555 times
Reputation: 23680
Sorry you're have problems with the dating thing. I don't know why this guy would go through all of that nonsense. I personally would just be like, I can't make it tonight, lets reschedule for a later time.

I've been out of the dating game for a good time, but I don't remember playing that nonsense when I was single.

You're a nice looking lady, you seem to have it going on, I would hang in there if I were you, I know that they're are good decent guys out there.

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Old 07-03-2011, 11:48 AM
 
Location: Denver, CO
3,657 posts, read 4,644,060 times
Reputation: 1460
Well, for one, I don't want to pick up the man, and second, if my car is in the shop (which it will be next week) I have planned to rent a car. If I can be a responsible adult and rent a car, then a grown man should be able to do the same. And I think it was rude of him to just simply cancel the date instead of blowing me off, making a stupid excuse. And however the man communicates with me is how I communicate in return.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Prince_Frog View Post
So why didn't you offer to go pick him up? Maybe not at his house, but at a different place to go out? Maybe his car was in the body shop getting fixed, and he might not live too far away from his job, so hoofing it to work and back isn't such a big deal.

I'm not trying to bash, but there could have been more effort on both sides, but neither one of you were communicating much.
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Old 07-03-2011, 11:49 AM
 
3,276 posts, read 2,546,220 times
Reputation: 2911
Hmmm ...

TVandSportsGuy is having trouble with online dating. He's in an ideal place to meet women (Philly)

sportsfangal is having trouble with online dating. She's in an ideal place to meet men (Menver)

Just thought the coincidence is interesting.

sportsfangal,
Maybe online dating isn't for you ... You claim you are social. You must be meeting men all the time. Why resort to online dating ? That's usually for people who are having no success meeting people in the "real world". Then again, you could try EHarmony if you're wanting to experiment with different ways of finding men. There they claim they match you up on "deep levels" of your personalities.
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Old 07-03-2011, 11:49 AM
 
Location: Northern California
61 posts, read 56,871 times
Reputation: 131
I went through the same thing for YEARS. When you are taking the "see if it sticks," approach to dating you are going to end up with a lot of flakes.
It is kind of like getting the late-night munchies and having nothing in the cupboard. Pretty soon I am watching a 3rd rate movie and eating stale Cheetos, trying to pretend it is hitting the spot.
The only thing I can tell you is when I finally stopped caring about meeting the right man and realized that I liked my life just fine the way it was....I met my husband. You know what? It was EASY (not perfect, mind you, I am not delusional). No game playing, no waiting for the phone to ring, no trying to guess where the relationship was going and, most importantly, no trying to be someone other than just who I am.
It will happen for you, just go out and enjoy your life until it does.
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Old 07-03-2011, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Denver, CO
3,657 posts, read 4,644,060 times
Reputation: 1460
thanks! I will try to hang in there!!



Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
Sorry you're have problems with the dating thing. I don't know why this guy would go through all of that nonsense. I personally would just be like, I can't make it tonight, lets reschedule for a later time.

I've been out of the dating game for a good time, but I don't remember playing that nonsense when I was single.

You're a nice looking lady, you seem to have it going on, I would hang in there if I were you, I know that they're are good decent guys out there.

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Old 07-03-2011, 11:50 AM
 
3,276 posts, read 2,546,220 times
Reputation: 2911
Quote:
Originally Posted by sportsfangal View Post
Well, for one, I don't want to pick up the man, and second, if my car is in the shop (which it will be next week) I have planned to rent a car. If I can be a responsible adult and rent a car, then a grown man should be able to do the same. And I think it was rude of him to just simply cancel the date instead of blowing me off, making a stupid excuse. And however the man communicates with me is how I communicate in return.
Sounds like his transmission broke yesterday. You can't plan ahead for that. Might be hard to rent a car on short notice, especially during a holiday weekend.

As for "I don't want to pick up the man" that sounds just like TVandSportsGuy and his rigid rules in dating. You two ought to compare notes.
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Old 07-03-2011, 11:53 AM
 
Location: Denver, CO
3,657 posts, read 4,644,060 times
Reputation: 1460
I can't speak for all women, but for me, if I can't make a date or simply don't want to go, I would just tell him I can't make it and can we get a raincheck. I don't make up a stupid, long, story about my car, or someone in the hospital, blah blah blah!!



Quote:
Originally Posted by Repubocrat View Post
Well, I have to say, women do exactly the same and honestly, I think online dating sucks. I know it hard to meet people out there, but online, you will find a disproportionate amount of losers( just my opinion!)

Try not to take online dating seriously, because otherwise, you will be frustrated! I met a girl off an online dating site, Fri night and we had a great time, but I made sure, all we wanted to do is have a few drinks and talk. We both had a good time, because there was no pressure and we are going to "hang out" again today, dating sucks!
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