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Old 07-05-2011, 03:59 PM
 
2,608 posts, read 2,774,099 times
Reputation: 2010
Default Emotionally tired; done

It's been 2 months since my ex broke up with me (wow, feels much longer than that) and I feel like I'm 95% over it. I don't know if I'll ever be 100% over it, I was really happy when I was with her, but I know now that I'll never ever take her back for any reason and no desire to ever speak to her again.

I have a lot of friends who are married and/or engaged as that's where a lot of people are at around my age (28) and I usually jump on the chance to meet a new girl or get to know someone or think about going on dates. I'm social person and love to make conversation so the actual event of a date is something I look forward to typically. However, I have no desire to go on another date again.

I'm a baseball player, and I use this analogy to describe exactly how I feel:

At some point, a ball player gets to a point where he's ready to walk away from the game. He's played his whole life, loved it, struggled, succeeded, learned a lot along the way, but at some point he's done. He gets too old, he's played the game too much, his arm hurts from all the seasons and wear and tear he's put it through....he just can't do it anymore. Sure, he still thinks about the game once in a while, but he's ready to walk away and move on with his life. He no longer has that desire to hit a walk-off HR or win a championship. He's given up on that. He can be happy without the game now. Maybe he takes up golf, maybe a new career path, maybe a new hobby...but he's done with the game.

That's how I feel about dating. I've never really had a girlfriend that my friends considered to "treat me well" or was "smart-minded" and looking back I agree. I've never really dated a good girl. It's not that I chase bad ones or purposely ignore good girls, I just never had one cross my path or had a connection with one. I'm at the age now where I feel like the good ones are all spoken for and I'm not in the business of ruining relationships for a chance of my own.

I'm just tired. Emotionally tired. I really feel happy now, I've lost 30 lbs working out and I look great, my baseball team is doing well, work is going well, summer time is keeping me busy, I have a lot going on, and there's trips I am going to take and many more places I want to visit and many things I want to do. Dating has just put my heart through too much. I haven't even been through anything crazy like other stories I've heard/seen like divorce, been cheated on, or anything like that and I STILL feel like I've had more than I could ever take.

I don't feel bitter, angry, or sad....I just don't care anymore. If anything I'm glad I've gone through those bad experiences because they brought me to where I am today. I've learned with my workout habits/results that there's so many other things that you can put your energy into and get a much better return on your investment in terms of self improvement and happiness that it almost seems ludicrous to spend so much time on dating or online profiles or worrying about what the other person thinks. What kind of way is that to live your life? Other people that you engage in such a mutual and sacrificing relationship with will only bring you down as an individual. They can only hold you back from being so much more. If my ex hadn't dumped me, I'd still be out of shape, ashamed of my gut, and unhealthy. I visited family for the holiday and they were blown away at how great I look now. It's such a great feeling of self accomplishment, better than any member of the opposite sex can ever give you, and you know that it is a feeling that no one can take away from you or change. It's there forever. Love is only temporary anyway, like a high feeling from a drug. It's great when you have it, but it has to end sometime and you come down feeling worse than you did before you inhaled. Who needs that?
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Old 07-05-2011, 04:03 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
44,315 posts, read 54,771,183 times
Reputation: 37033
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201 View Post
It's been 2 months since my ex broke up with me (wow, feels much longer than that) and I feel like I'm 95% over it. I don't know if I'll ever be 100% over it, I was really happy when I was with her, but I know now that I'll never ever take her back for any reason and no desire to ever speak to her again.

I have a lot of friends who are married and/or engaged as that's where a lot of people are at around my age (28) and I usually jump on the chance to meet a new girl or get to know someone or think about going on dates. I'm social person and love to make conversation so the actual event of a date is something I look forward to typically. However, I have no desire to go on another date again.

I'm a baseball player, and I use this analogy to describe exactly how I feel:

At some point, a ball player gets to a point where he's ready to walk away from the game. He's played his whole life, loved it, struggled, succeeded, learned a lot along the way, but at some point he's done. He gets too old, he's played the game too much, his arm hurts from all the seasons and wear and tear he's put it through....he just can't do it anymore. Sure, he still thinks about the game once in a while, but he's ready to walk away and move on with his life. He no longer has that desire to hit a walk-off HR or win a championship. He's given up on that. He can be happy without the game now. Maybe he takes up golf, maybe a new career path, maybe a new hobby...but he's done with the game.

That's how I feel about dating. I've never really had a girlfriend that my friends considered to "treat me well" or was "smart-minded" and looking back I agree. I've never really dated a good girl. It's not that I chase bad ones or purposely ignore good girls, I just never had one cross my path or had a connection with one. I'm at the age now where I feel like the good ones are all spoken for and I'm not in the business of ruining relationships for a chance of my own.

I'm just tired. Emotionally tired. I really feel happy now, I've lost 30 lbs working out and I look great, my baseball team is doing well, work is going well, summer time is keeping me busy, I have a lot going on, and there's trips I am going to take and many more places I want to visit and many things I want to do. Dating has just put my heart through too much. I haven't even been through anything crazy like other stories I've heard/seen like divorce, been cheated on, or anything like that and I STILL feel like I've had more than I could ever take.

I don't feel bitter, angry, sad, discouraged....I just don't care anymore. I've learned with my workout habits/results that there's so many other things that you can put your energy into and get a much better return on your investment in terms of self improvement and happiness that it almost seems ludicrous to spend so much time on dating or online profiles or worrying about what the other person thinks. What kind of way is that to live your life? Other people that you engage i such a mutual and sacrificing relationship with will only bring you as an individual down. They can only hold you back from being so much more. If my ex hadn't dumped me, I'd still be out of shape, ashamed of my gut, and unhealthy. I visited family for the holiday and they were blown away at how great I look now. It's such a great feeling of self accomplishment, better than any member of the opposite sex can ever give you.

What you are feeling is normal, and trust me, you are way too young to "retire from the game"

But there is nothing wrong with not dating for a while and not caring to. Relax, recoup emotionally, enjoy this time.

Keep focused on other things, staying in shape, playing baseball, hanging with friends, furthering your personal growth and career.

Believe me, when the right girl comes along at some point down the line, you're interest will reappear and rear its head like a 72 year old man's who just took a Viagra
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Old 07-05-2011, 04:03 PM
 
Location: socal
539 posts, read 397,401 times
Reputation: 739
if it makes u feel any better im sick of it too
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Old 07-05-2011, 04:04 PM
 
Location: southwest TN
6,619 posts, read 7,061,000 times
Reputation: 10644
So? Where's the problem? I'm not being snarky - I know, unusual for me - but seriously, if you are happy or content with where you are right now, why question it? Why try to be/feel what you don't?

Is there a reason you are not allowed to simply enjoy feeling the way you feel? doing what you like doing, when you want to do it? Is there some one or some thing standing behind you with a club and a list of "you musts"?

Take it one day at a time. Do what feels right. So long as what you want to do doesn't hurt someone else, and you still do what you NEED to do, why create a problem where none exists?

Live in the moment. Just be.
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Old 07-05-2011, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Land Of Moose, Blueberries, and Chickadees
9,929 posts, read 5,145,660 times
Reputation: 12568
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201 View Post
I have no desire to go on another date again.
I went through a phase like this right about your age. I was pissed off when a guy even looked at me that is how OVER relationships I was. I had no desire to date, no desire to go through the drama, no desire to deal with it anymore.

Time passed. I'd say about three years went by before I had even the slightest interest in going on another date.

As far as I'm concerned, this is normal.

I did go on other dates, I did meet someone totally cool, funny, smart as a whip, witty as all get out, I totally and completely enjoyed this person's company.

And he shattered my heart.

I made half a....ed attempts after that but now I'm older and I'm seriously, totally, completely done with it.

But at 28...I hate when people tell me this but seriously, give it some time. It could very well be years. You may find yourself jumping back in there.

And it's usually when you aren't looking is when you meet that right one. (Usually, not always. I did not meet that right one...course, I usually glared at every guy in my first phase of, "That's IT!" so I'm sure that didn't help. LOL!)

It is ok not to be in a relationship like that. If you are happy with who you are, happy with your company, have friends to see, places to go, things to do, goals to attain, it's totally fine. Just enjoy life.
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Old 07-05-2011, 04:31 PM
 
Location: Spicewood
3,831 posts, read 3,489,050 times
Reputation: 5687
I say kudos to you. People act like being alone is a bad thing but really it isn't.
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Old 07-05-2011, 04:34 PM
 
16,049 posts, read 7,934,466 times
Reputation: 11499
Eventually you'll go back to dating women again.

You're still fresh out of a long relationship, and these feelings you have are natural.

You'll pull a Brett Favre and get himself reinstated back into the dating scene again.
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Old 07-05-2011, 04:42 PM
 
Location: in your dreams
8,912 posts, read 6,329,974 times
Reputation: 11201
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prince_Frog View Post

You'll pull a Brett Favre and get himself in trouble for sending nudie pics.
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Old 07-05-2011, 04:43 PM
 
9,717 posts, read 6,537,967 times
Reputation: 9773
I'm glad you're feeling good about yourself....that's more important than anything.......though after 36 years with my "member of the opposite sex", I have to confess there's NOTHING better.
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Old 07-05-2011, 04:48 PM
 
16,049 posts, read 7,934,466 times
Reputation: 11499
Quote:
Originally Posted by D217 View Post
Now now, that was pictures of his junk, and it was some hot 20 something chick.

If I were Brett Favre I would have done the same thing.

Except it would have been to my wife.
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