Here is the backstory:
I was 35 and she was 21. I was married and on the cusp of divorce. I had one child who was 3. 3 years together. Up and downs but foe the most part pretty happy. The big bads:
- a lay off and 6 months unemployed
- sisters ( hers ) like water and oil...we just didn't mix.
- some cultural differences ( more on that )
That is the general synopsis, however I will be very detailed below so if you're not into reading you might want just respond based off the synopsis.
The long version:
I dated my ex-wife for 8 years and we were married for 7. Throughout most of our relationship i had no identity and I was fine with that. She was in control and I couldn't care less. We did everything her way. Flash forward to after 5 years of marriage. We had a son. First year was good, second was too, but I started to develop an identity due to my son being born and growing up. I started thinking we had the child to try and bring us together but it was the child that changed the dynamic of the relationship. Fight's ensued, thoughts of divorce were running rampart in my head. There was even an extra marital affair on my part which was never known to her. She cheated on me 3 times in our 15 year relationship. So i guess we were even, I don't know.
2005- I am working with this girl. She's foreign and younger than me, but showing interest a little. We connect. It's pretty powerful and almost undeniable. I dont do anything but i think this wedged me and my ex completely apart. Well, the low down and dirty of it all is I split with my ex. Looking back now I think this other woman had a lot do with it. I went for it. For future reference I will refer the Ex-wife as Mona and the ex-girlfriend Genny.
Mona and I have the big talk and I decide to call it quits. I dont want to be away from my son, but this is what it is and I made my move and didnt look back. Genny and I are swept up in a passionate romance. I was seeing my son every other weekend. Genny and I would have our differences but they wouldn't be as common as you'd think with the 13yr age difference. 6 months later we were living together. Things were going really well at this point. I can say this Genny taking me from a broken man and building me up and restoring my self image and self confidence. Professionally this was carried over as well.
Well we move to another apartment and again things are going well for us. We take a trip to vegas for Christmas. On the plane ride there I say " hey! lets get married. I know its not super romantic and all but we can get married here, and have the ceremony with friends and family later." She declines. I'm not upset about it, it was more a spontaneous thing. However I dont ask again for another year and half.
Now a few months later i get laid off. I am devastated... there is depression, finanicial troubles, legal problems ( the ex-wife ) its a really bad time. I think we pull through this, but I'm wrong. Life takes a turn for the worst here for me. We move from a 2 bedroom apartment to a 1 bedroom. I'm still out of work.My car is repossessed I file bankruptcy everything. Well a 2 months later I land a good job. Paying the most I've made yet. I think life is looking up. Here is where I become a bit of a ****heel. During this time, Genny has a stress attack of some sort. She goes to the hospital twice in a few days. I have recently started a new job and cant really take time off. I feel bad but I try and be there when I can. I think resentment has set in now. I understand this now. This one is on me. I didnt think this way at the time but the luxury of hindsight is looking back. Flash forward and Genny gets MRSA staph infection. Complications arise and she's hospitalized again now for over a week. Again I'm trying to be there but I have to work and hospital is no place for a 5 year old.
While in the hospital there is a confrontation with one of the over bearing sisters. I respond to this without restraint...my fault again. My tongue writes a check I cant cash
. I'm sure Genny resents me more now. However we seem to pull through this. I try and repair the situation and maybe this is looking through rose colored glasses but I think everything is back on the upswing. Well one major fight later I'm packing my things and moving out. I own almost everything in the apartment and Genny moves in with her sister.
This is the beginning of the end I think. I move to an apartment closer to work. She is south of town. Well, its now my birthday and she decides to get me a dog. Okay. Well I am living north and she is south so there is lots of apart time. Here is where I am honest.... I start to degrade in the relationship. I don't know maybe I am feeling shunned or but when she calls, I dont answer then call back a few minutes later. I'm sabotaging here I know, but I think I've taken her for granted at this point.
There is another break-up. Mind you we've done this dance before and this is where the taken fro granted comes in again. Well, we split for a few days and I feel pain and loss and say okay gotta get her back. So I try and we seem to patch up. A short honeymoon phase and it topples again. I call her one day and she says " I wanted to talk to you" I know what she is going to say before she says it. She's calling it quits. Honestly even though I expected it the pain and hurt was pretty bad. I agree and say its for the best. A few days later we talk and try and come to a resolution.
This is a side story of information I discovered much later...almost a year later. During this time, she's met another man and seeing him under my nose. I even confronted her asking if there was someone else. She says no.
We are trying to patch things up and there isn't any way. We are calling and texting but thats it really. I cant sleep I think about her all the time. I call her when I am hurting and we talk. We have lunches together with friends it's friendly. I have a bachelors party to attend in Vegas. Genny at this point I think is upset due to this trip she even makes comments about it. Again a huge fight ensues and we call it quits again. I see on facebook a few weeks later pictures of her with another man. I think its the look of happiness on her face that hurts the most. Those were the looks she used to have with me, now they are being directed at this other man. I feel like I am gut shot.
I call her, ask her about it, she says he's a friend but maybe more she doesnt know. I'm now faced with the real fact that she is moving on and its killing me. You know the old adage its someone else filling my shoes there isnt a way back in now. However I dont go down without a fight. I make the conscious decision to win her back. To change my ways ( little too little little too late ) but she reluctantly agrees. Before I leave for Vegas I ask her, lets try and work this out, I want to fight for her.
She says she will think about it while I am gone. I come back and I am trying my hardest. She sees this and says it might be working. We are not seeing each other at this point only talking on the phone and online at times. I'm really trying here... I'm trying to bridge things with her sisters even being relative open to her thinking about this other man. She needs a computer, I give her one. I buy her a new camera. Get tickets for a band we both like and invite her. Tickets to a basketball game ( she always wanted to go ) things I said I would do in the past and never followed through.
Well I think its working and I screw it up. I go for the sympathy vote as I see even though I am doing all of this see's still falling away from me. I do something I am not proud of but again if I am being honest i think I need to share this. I create a fake profile on facebook and friend her. Become friends with her and seek to obtain information about where I stand. She accepts and we begin talking and I ask her out. She says she's a relationship. I ask her if it's serious and she says yes. So back to my profile a few days later and I ask her..." So is it serious with this other guy do i have a chance?" She says I'm gaining ground with her and favor with her. I think fake that someone is sending me messages about her and this other man ( obviously using the information i gathered ) and she's denying it and I prove it with the transcripts of the conversations. I say who is sending me these tidbits of information. She says she doesn't know. I research her new boyfriend find out all kinds of information. I use this to my advantage when its really only making things worse I think. During this time we meet for dinner. At the car we kiss. However the deception continues on both of our ends and it all explodes in my face. This ends with the final communication. Goodbye.
Okay it's all downhill here from here and it goes to hell.There is no salvaging the relationship here its dead as friend chicken communication is broken forever. The relationship is dead. Regret and pain set in and I feel a loss like a death. 2 years go by... I am married now and have a wonderful wife. I love her with all my heart.
However this previous relationship haunts me. Its only in my mind and am trying to move on. Something still creeps in my mind about Genny, was this the one that got away? Was this the love of my life and now there is only love, but not as deep as this other? Here is what i want to do:
I told Genny if I could not make her happy I wanted her to be with someone who could. Well this is whats happened. From what I know she's gotten what I couldn't give her.
I want to be happy for her but there is resentment in my heart for the way things went ( albeit 50% my fault ) and there really isn't closure for me at least, probably never will be i guess at this point.
I want to be happy for her so I can close this book and be happy for myself. Any ideas from the masses and I know they say time heals all wounds but I'm not wounded... I'm more haunted with regret.
Any have opinions, comments or way I can close this book?
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