What was your dating life like when you were my age? And what's it like now? (ladies, single)
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At 20, I had been dating my boyfriend for four years and had been engaged for two. I spent my 20th birthday in Oxford as an exchange student, studying English; he came to visit me and we spent five days in Paris. Dating included movies, going out to eat, a few concerts, family stuff. I was learning to cook then and would make dinner for him and his mom.
The dating activities that you describe could very well be things that two friends do. I think there was a thread (or threads) about this. And one of them might of been mine. But this goes back to an opinion I hold...it can be hard to draw the line between couples and friends. What's so different about those activities that made them fall under the category of "dating"? If two friends went to movies, went out to eat, and went to concerts...they wouldn't be a couple. Or would they?
awkward. i was a popular, decent-looking guy, in a social group that carried a lot of cachet for (in retrospect) really stupid reasons. I had tons of male friends, and had peoples' respect. However I knew very little about what women wanted, and what I wanted. I went to keg parties and sorority mixers 3 - 6 nights a week, drank a lot, and did plenty of drugs. I was more depressed at age 20, than I had ever been, or have been since.
i think what jaded me at age 20 were the sexual dynamics taking place. Women tend to believe in this story that there are two "pools" of single women that men can choose from -- the "bad girls" who have casual sex, and the "good girls" who do not. I believed this, hook, line, and sinker --- until I turned 20.
The reality is that there's one pool of women, and the majority of them move back-and-forth between a) dating guys who will date them, and b) sleeping with the best-looking guys who have plenty of options. At the time, this bothered me tremendously, because I was not one of the guys who was able to monopolize the casual sex from all these girls, nor was I willing to date someone who had screwed any of my friends. I fell into a depression, like I mentioned, which only subsided once I'd left all those people behind me.
What is it about voices? You're not the only person that I heard say that. I heard someone (from my generation) say that a guy has no balls if he doesn't ask out a girl with his voice.
I have a fear of rejection, but I don't think technology has anything to do with it. My family got a computer in 1998. But I didn't start using technology seriously until 2005. And my fear of rejection precedes 2005.
A real-time conversation requires an ability to think on your feet, demonstrates your social skills, and shows how well you can carry on a conversation.
Email and texting allows you to edit. It is not entirely genuine. It is a wall people hide behind when they are unable to talk to people, are too afraid of other people's reactions to the things they say, and are too afraid to hear the word "no."
Well, if you can't talk to someone, how on earth are you going to have any kind of date, never mind relationship?
If you are 20, and you are talking about 6 years ago, that would make you 14 at the time. Well, yes, most 14-year-old boys don't know how to talk to girls and get nervous around them.
I do think, from all you've said, that you need to get out from behind the computer and stop using things like Facebook as a barometer of friendship. I think your use of social media has crippled you and not allowed you to grow normally. IMHO, if you want to break out of this cycle you are in, delete your social media accounts entirely--not go inactive, but delete--for a month or two. It is possible to have a life without them. People my age did, and we were far healthier for it. To this day, the healthiest people I know say, "Yeah, I have an account, but I hardly ever go on it." They are too busy having fun in the flesh.
The dating activities that you describe could very well be things that two friends do. I think there was a thread (or threads) about this. And one of them might of been mine. But this goes back to an opinion I hold...it can be hard to draw the line between couples and friends. What's so different about those activities that made them fall under the category of "dating"? If two friends went to movies, went out to eat, and went to concerts...they wouldn't be a couple. Or would they?
I left out the part where we ****ed like bunnies. I thought that went without saying.
At 20, I was awkward and naive. At the time, I was an Aerospace Engineering Major which I suppose didn't help the awkwardness . I didn't even have my first real kiss until I was 19, and at 20 I was still semi-dating the guy, but again, the naivete comes into play because I thought he was my boyfriend and he thought otherwise because he was dating a few other girls. I assumed that when he introduced me as his girlfriend, he meant it. Lesson learned. I also grew boobs when I was 19 and went from a 34A to a 36F in the matter of a few months. The attention was mostly unwelcome.
At 27, I'm much more comfortable with my geekiness and my body but the dating front has gotten much more turbulent. I deal more with men who have multiple children, are extremely jaded and treat women like dirt, and men who have no motivation whatsoever.
Now, I'm focusing more on my career and keeping my life in order and less on dating.
At 20, I was awkward and naive. At the time, I was an Aerospace Engineering Major which I suppose didn't help the awkwardness . I didn't even have my first real kiss until I was 19, and at 20 I was still semi-dating the guy, but again, the naivete comes into play because I thought he was my boyfriend and he thought otherwise because he was dating a few other girls. I assumed that when he introduced me as his girlfriend, he meant it. Lesson learned. I also grew boobs when I was 19 and went from a 34A to a 36F in the matter of a few months. The attention was mostly unwelcome.
At 27, I'm much more comfortable with my geekiness and my body but the dating front has gotten much more turbulent. I deal more with men who have multiple children, are extremely jaded and treat women like dirt, and men who have no motivation whatsoever.
Now, I'm focusing more on my career and keeping my life in order and less on dating.
younger, there were always many different men to date and all wanted to talk and do things and YES get to know you... now that I find myself single, I've gotten in great shape, work out at least 4 - 5 times a week, eat healthy and like to hike and do many things out doors... now hardly any available men that want to get to know you and get involved in outdoor activities... first dates always end the same... trying to get you into bed... not that I wouldn't love that eventually (trust me) but PLEASE... get to know me ... we're not dying tomorrow you know... I feel like I'm the odd one to expect someone to really give a sh*t about who I really am first... Geez... I would rather be alone and happy then compromise myself just to get "laid" ... just my 2 cents
Something that bothers me is when people say we (young people) have the rest of our lives to date. Sure, we have the rest of our lives to date. But that doesn't mean we're going to be attractive for the rest of our lives.
Do you plan on getting letting yourself go? Not sure exactly what that has to do with anything.
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