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... Couples should be able to grow together, and sometimes you have to say, "Um, honey, I've come to realize I really like ____________" or "I'd like to try _____________," and then ask your sweetheart if he or she is willing to go along with you on that.
The U.S. is a sexually conflicted nation. There is the faction demonizing sexual freedom, and the faction promoting mindless sexuality and the sexualization of pretty much everything. Each is an unreasonable and unreasoned reaction to the other, I think
Anyway, I think Savage is basically correct, and my agreement is based on an understanding of human evolution, human biology, and cultural and religious memes. Monogamy is contrary to human nature, but it can certainly work for some people - that's not at issue. However, humans (in general) are a promiscuous species by their fundamental nature, and attempting to repress that by the cultural/religious memes is not only never going to work, it leads to many of the problems we face such as sexual excess and the prevalence of cheating.
Unfortunately, the cultural/religious memes are only going to change slowly, and a more rational and natural - and ethical! - approach to sexuality is a long way off for most, but it IS a reality for a minority who can and do have a thoughtful and reasoned perspective on the overall situation.
i agree with this,The problem is most Americans are filled with this judgmental biblical based nonsense of self depravity.I did not begin to understand "the world" until I started studying evolutionary Biology, it has to do with the human condition which obviously includes sexuality.
The U.S. is a sexually conflicted nation. There is the faction demonizing sexual freedom, and the faction promoting mindless sexuality and the sexualization of pretty much everything. Each is an unreasonable and unreasoned reaction to the other, I think
Anyway, I think Savage is basically correct, and my agreement is based on an understanding of human evolution, human biology, and cultural and religious memes. Monogamy is contrary to human nature, but it can certainly work for some people - that's not at issue. However, humans (in general) are a promiscuous species by their fundamental nature, and attempting to repress that by the cultural/religious memes is not only never going to work, it leads to many of the problems we face such as sexual excess and the prevalence of cheating.
Unfortunately, the cultural/religious memes are only going to change slowly, and a more rational and natural - and ethical! - approach to sexuality is a long way off for most, but it IS a reality for a minority who can and do have a thoughtful and reasoned perspective on the overall situation.
I do agree, generally speaking, with both you and Dan Savage. However, I don't think monogamy can be said to be contrary to human nature. It does work for some, many (maybe not most) people, as you admit, so it's as natural as non-monogamy is. I think that many monogamous people tend to lose all sexual and romantic interest in their partner when someone they feel newly attracted to comes along*. So maybe the one and only eternal love happens rarely, but monogamy is far from infrequent.
* By the way: the fact that some individuals I would label "monogamous" choose to remain in their current, not-fulfilling-anymore relationships while having affairs outside of the home wouldn't make them less monogamous, IMO. Their sexual attraction is exclusively expressed in their extra-marital relationship. There are reasons other than romantic feelings and desire to keep a relationship (barely?) alive: kids, financial needs, fear of change, affection etc.
Right, because women in traditional American marriages never get abused. And there all blissfully happy. Not!
Dude, I'm just going off your post where you noted the virtues of cultures that allow multiple wives, and how it works for those people. So care to follow up on what I responded?
I think part of the problem is this notion that a man should only marry one women and be happy with that the rest of his life. I think men should be able to marry as many women as he wants to. Thats why the divorce rate is so high. Some times people grow apart, and now your stuck in this unhappy marriage. You have cultures around the world were men have multiply wifes, in africa, islam, mormans. It seems to work for those people. Hell even in the bible you had men like Abrahm and King David who had mutiply wifes and concubines. Only in the west do we have this notion that you marry for love, and that love is going to last forever.
Can the wives of these men marry as many men as they want to?
The U.S. is a sexually conflicted nation. There is the faction demonizing sexual freedom, and the faction promoting mindless sexuality and the sexualization of pretty much everything. Each is an unreasonable and unreasoned reaction to the other, I think
Anyway, I think Savage is basically correct, and my agreement is based on an understanding of human evolution, human biology, and cultural and religious memes. Monogamy is contrary to human nature, but it can certainly work for some people - that's not at issue. However, humans (in general) are a promiscuous species by their fundamental nature, and attempting to repress that by the cultural/religious memes is not only never going to work, it leads to many of the problems we face such as sexual excess and the prevalence of cheating.
Unfortunately, the cultural/religious memes are only going to change slowly, and a more rational and natural - and ethical! - approach to sexuality is a long way off for most, but it IS a reality for a minority who can and do have a thoughtful and reasoned perspective on the overall situation.
Actually what you describe is true of men and always has been, however women ARE monogamous by nature. Most male and female mammals are this way, and it is purely driven biology.
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