Hubby doesn't want to move!! Help!!! (wife, marriage, man, husband)

[crisdaile]

My hubby and I met online about ten years ago, he was in his home state of NYC, I was in my home state of Ohio. We fell for one another immediately, I moved to NYC and was there for seven years. We currently reside in Allentown, PA , it was a dream at first, but now I'm homesick and I want to move back to Ohio and he doesn't. My family is there (my children, grandchildren, brothers, sister's, etc.). My husband has an aunt (whom he adores) and her family in Cincinnati, which is about 1 1/2 hours from Columbus.

I have sacrificed ten years of my life to be with this man, during which time I lost my Mother, Father and Grandmother one month apart, and most recently (1 month ago) my second-oldest sister, I am the youngest girl. Since losing all these people, I have come to the realization that time only goes one way and the most precious time is that spent with family. I didn't get to spend much time with my sister before she passed only through skype and phone calls. My daughter is pregnant with my second grand and I want to be there!

My husband only has two sisters and is on the outs with his middle sister. His youngest sister visits all the time because we're only 90 minutes from NYC. Both his parents are deceased so he only mainly has this one sister as family, his son and daughter (my step-children) barely communicate with him and then there's me, his wife.

We have been having some problems in our marriage recently. I think it's more me than him, I'm just depressed and homesick. Any suggestions? No jokes please, I seriously need some help!

[purehuman]

I don't really like where you say you've "sacrificed 10 years of your life to be with this man"...is that what "falling for one another" means to you???...Also, it's not really his fault that your family is dying off....Personally I think you might benefit greatly if you took a lone vacation without hubby and went to visit and stay with your family for a while....for as long as you feel....I can't see your SO having a problem with that....as absence makes the heart grow fonder.

[h886]

This is a tough one. I can understand your desire to move. I can understand your husband's desire to stay. I have to wonder if a lot of these feelings are being exacerbated by the grief over losing your sister. That would be a hard thing for anyone.

Ultimately, if you decide to marry, you make your life with that person. Sometimes that means finding a new home, and/or leaving your old one. In this case, you made the decision to leave Ohio and make a life with this man in NY and PA. I think any decision to move should be a joint one and if he's very much against it, I think it's wrong to change the deal on him ten years later.

Can you visit more often? Talk on the phone more?

[Funny how?]

Ok, so this man walks into a bar and..........oh, you said no jokes

I'ts too bad issues such as yours were not addressed, and dealt with, BEFORE you got married. Nontheless........

Yes, time spent with family is always a precious time,and I would never suggest that it isn't, but then so to is your "family" of you and your husband, the family you created by your marriage when you sort of "cut the apron strings". I don't have any pat answer for you. Others may have some good suggestions for you.

Just remember, your mate is #1. And he needs to know that also! Perhaps some sort of compromise is in order, that of which you guys need to figure out. Also, does his job allow him the luxury of going where both of you would move to?

Consider professional counseling also. Good luck!