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Holey moley, that's a whole lot of pressure and absurdity for a first date.
Do you really think most people are thinking about a "relationship" before they've ever spent time alone.
My purpose of dating is to find a relationship with someone, be it that person or someone else. I'm looking for someone who has this goal in mind also. I don't find this odd at all. Many people date for this reason.
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You're looking at his bankbook before you even get to know him.
I'm not looking at his bankbook. I'm looking at his attitude & his manners, which is a part of getting to know him.
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Are you saying that you're easily bought? Because I look at dating as interviewing (or having fun getting to know someone), to see if we're compatible.
Compatible for what? A RELATIONSHIP? Well, that's exactly what I am doing also. I'm not easily bought by a long shot; but I do keep aware of what certain behaviors communicate about a person's character. Time & again, experience has taught me this is a significant sign about a man's attitude towards women & relationships.
I think you're making a lot of assumptions about what I'm saying that are not true. I don't expect a guy to take me out somewhere fancy & drop a lot of money on me. I've been on dates where we sipped a smoothie in a park. That's cool with me.
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No wonder many men have bad opinions of women; this double standard stuff is uncalled for.
The double standard argument is naive. If you want to take it away in this instance, then you must in every other instance, and that is nearly impossible. As a woman, I resent that the elimination of so-called double standards often results in burdening me with more expectations, but not relieving me of anything.
I don't find this a double standard so much as acknowledging the different roles men & women are either expected to fulfill or prefer to fulfill in reality. I guarantee you there are things women are expected to give in a relationship that men are not. Most of it balances out in the end , IMO.
I think that if we lived in a dictatorship or a monarchy, such questions would not arise. Furthermore, if we lived like our forefathers and mothers, in peasant communities, or like some in other parts of the world with localized practices of arranging marriages, questions of this manner and other similar bourgeois obsessions would not plague our delicate minds, and cause so much contention.
Perhaps on the first date, go to a soup kitchen or a religious banquet. This would provide for ample food to fill your stomachs, and no one has to pay, thus negating this entire debate.
There is no category for depends, but really I don't think it's that a big deal. When I date it has always been the person with more money who paid. If I had more money I would pay if my date had more money she would pay. I remember one of my first dates in college I offered to pay and my date who was rather well off essentially grabbed the check and told me that I was cute, but shouldn't be silly.
My purpose of dating is to find a relationship with someone, be it that person or someone else. I'm looking for someone who has this goal in mind also. I don't find this odd at all. Many people date for this reason.
You're already interested in a relationship with this person on a first date? Really, before you know them at all? Looks awfully desperate to me.
I'm not looking at his bankbook. I'm looking at his attitude & his manners, which is a part of getting to know him.
You ask him out and are expecting him to pay? That's not manners, but it's a bad attitude of expectation on your part.
Compatible for what? A RELATIONSHIP? Well, that's exactly what I am doing also. I'm not easily bought by a long shot; but I do keep aware of what certain behaviors communicate about a person's character. Time & again, experience has taught me this is a significant sign about a man's attitude towards women & relationships.
You're looking for a RELATIONSHIP on the first date, before you even know much about this person? Don't know about you but I vet people a little better than that. Obviously, YMMV.
I'm speechless. Then it is about the wallet.
I think you're making a lot of assumptions about what I'm saying that are not true. I don't expect a guy to take me out somewhere fancy & drop a lot of money on me. I've been on dates where we sipped a smoothie in a park. That's cool with me.
The assumption I'm making is that even if you ask a guy out, you take the action, you're expecting him to pay. Seems rather rude to me.
The double standard argument is naive. If you want to take it away in this instance, then you must in every other instance, and that is nearly impossible. As a woman, I resent that the elimination of so-called double standards often results in burdening me with more expectations, but not relieving me of anything.
Double standard? The person who asks someone out, pays. What more expectations? You make the offer of a date, you pay. Pretty simple. The double standard is your expectation that no matter who asks, tha man pays. You can't hold all of the trump cards and let the man have all jokers.
I don't find this a double standard so much as acknowledging the different roles men & women are either expected to fulfill or prefer to fulfill in reality. I guarantee you there are things women are expected to give in a relationship that men are not. Most of it balances out in the end , IMO.
You're making all of the rules here. Why would anyone want to be in a relationship (or go on an initial date) when there's gender inequalities.
With this attitude, that the man = wallet, how many fulfilling relationships have you had, or have they all ended in disaster?
My purpose of dating is to find a relationship with someone, be it that person or someone else. I'm looking for someone who has this goal in mind also. I don't find this odd at all. Many people date for this reason.
-orangeapple
So, if you go on a date, you are looking for a relationship with that person designated as a date and someone else? According to the sentence above, this is the interpretation. This is interesting.
Are you a polygamist?
Do you find that practicing such within continental US problematic? How are you received by others with such practices, or do you hide this? In such cases of "or someone else" who pays the tab?
With this attitude, that the man = wallet, how many fulfilling relationships have you had, or have they all ended in disaster?
Jeeez. Since she is interested in settling down, any man she meets is a potential partner. They may not be compatible after a date or so, she may have to meet more than one man before she finds the right one. But she will take what they ALL do into consideration. It's not that difficult to understand.
Good grief. Every point of view that could possibly be given to the OP's poorly contrived and constructed poll has been hashed to death and repeated over and over again for 14 pages now. Seriously, isn't enough enough when most can't even bother to read what preceded their comments?
Amazing how so many people have so much time to post so many repetitive opinions on so few forums, purely based on the assumption that they weren't heard the first time around.
I can only speak for myself but if I contribute to a thread which you either started or, as a contributor added to and your comments inspired me, you can be sure that I'll take the time to read through the whole thread and respond accordingly before I say a word.
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You can't hold all of the trump cards and let the man have all jokers.
