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If a woman is seriously struggling, let's say a single mother who has to pay not only for the dates but babysitters
I wouldn't be dating a woman like that. I'm 23, so single mothers are out of the question. And I'm not dating someone that is struggling like that financially. I don't expect someone making 6 figures, but I'm not dating someone at poverty level.
We we become exclusive, that's when I'll start paying. I always offer on dates, but if a guy who has asked ME out insists on me paying, we aren't having a second date.
When I first began dating when I was 17, I always offered to chip in and those guys, even though they were my age and making maybe the same or slightly more than me, still gave me that look of "who are you, to question my manhood???" and always insisted on paying. So after a few years of receiving the same look from guys, I stop even offering to pay early on.
Now, if things go well, I just do nice things, buy them little things, cook for them, anything that shows I care and am interested in the guy. I feel like that way, it shows I'm not using him for his money. I guess now, if things got far enough, I would feel the guy out in baby steps by first offering to pay a tip for dinner after we're exclusive and then going from there with offering to pick up a whole tab, but not before exclusivity, no way. I agree with the poster that said you don't make a woman pay until marriage..by then you're likely combining your income anyways. However, I wouldn't mind helping out with things once its exclusive. Plus, I also don't make much and it'll likely be years before I ever make much so any man I date has to understand that.
When I first began dating when I was 17, I always offered to chip in and those guys, even though they were my age and making maybe the same or slightly more than me, still gave me that look of "who are you, to question my manhood???" and always insisted on paying. So after a few years of receiving the same look from guys, I stop even offering to pay early on.
Now, if things go well, I just do nice things, buy them little things, cook for them, anything that shows I care and am interested in the guy. I feel like that way, it shows I'm not using him for his money. I guess now, if things got far enough, I would feel the guy out in baby steps by first offering to pay a tip for dinner after we're exclusive and then going from there with offering to pick up a whole tab, but not before exclusivity, no way. I agree with the poster that said you don't make a woman pay until marriage..by then you're likely combining your income anyways. However, I wouldn't mind helping out with things once its exclusive. Plus, I also don't make much and it'll likely be years before I ever make much so any man I date has to understand that.
So you think it's about manhood? Or, are you saying you just go along with it because men think it's about manhood? In either case that would mean that manhood is correlated with taking care of women. And it's not like family, in how we take care of family. It's something else. It's a stranger taking care of another stranger based on gender. I wonder if this sets up a power dynamic in relationships that start out with this kind of behavior.
So you think it's about manhood? Or, are you saying you just go along with it because men think it's about manhood? In either case that would mean that manhood is correlated with taking care of women. And it's not like family, in how we take care of family. It's something else. It's a stranger taking care of another stranger based on gender. I wonder if this sets up a power dynamic in relationships that start out with this kind of behavior.
I really don't think about it as much as the men on here do. all I know is, those men have gotten offended when I offered and so I don't do it anymore, not during the 1st few dates. but yes, those men made it about manhood..I was just trying to be fair. not only that, when I was younger, I was always afraid taht if a man paid for me, he would get angry that I didn't put out in return because I never did (still don't) that early on. Obviously that's a dumb thought to have and I know better now but I was a lot younger (teenager).
The term "gold digger" is one of the traps men set to keep women off their money trail. Creation of this term was formulated to keep their money and get everything they want without expecting basic, instinctual responsibilities of a man. Men are suppose to be gentlemen and offer to pay for our dinner, our drinks and our entry fee. He is the one asking, he should be the one paying. I had a guy once asked me out to spend a night out on the coast line in fort lauderdale. Keep in mind that we had been dating for a year. Anyways, he asked me to go on this little adventure, and as we were 10-15min from our destination, he asked if I wanted to split the hotel room. I was shocked by this comment but I said yes either way. When we got to the coast line all of the suites were basically checked out. Anyways I said this is a sign, let's just spend the day and headed home. This guy was adamant about this idea, so he eventually found a vacancy. Anyways he handed the clerk at the desk his identification and credit card and said don't worry about it, he's got it. Anyways when we were ready to check out, he asked if he should put the rest on his card and I pay him back, which I answered yes. Anyways he dropped me home and asked if we could go to the atm right now to get the money, I said later, I'd call him in an hour or two with the money which I was upset about but had all intentions to pay back. He insisted he wanted at that moment. I was off course upset that this guy was hunting me down for half a hotel room money when a few hours or days hadn't passed. My advice to women is never pay for anything. If he is man enough to lay in between your legs and wants your valuable time he pays for everything. If he can't pay then he should never had mentioned the idea which means get lossed. I'm not saying from time to time a woman can't show affections of adornment by buying a man gifts if she gets spoilt from time to time. I think that thought should be welcomed. If a man can't fullfill the instictual qualities of professing, providing and protectingn then he is not your man or your not a keeper which in fact means he is in fact showing those attributes to someone else and you are just a play thing so best to move on.
LOL!
"Your valuable time"
there's a term for women who have men 'pay for their time'
I love to spoil my women, AT LEAST 95% of the time I pay for everything... but if she doesn't TRY occasionally... I drop her gold digging 'posterior'
Don't worry sweatheart... real men don't like women with that attitude and won't hang around.
Just asking. Does the attractiveness of a woman, make a difference in whether or not you mind paying for the dates.
Not after the first few dates (Which I'd be paying anyway) I like 'ugly duckling' chicks... the ones that got hot after they formed their attitudes towards things. (Just about everyone I know remarks about my 'high standards' or how I'm 'too picky' depending...I don't think it's a bad thing!)
A chick with a 'the world owes me' attitude... She's gone no matter what. (Including a tall leggy blond with a pair of DD bolt-ons who had done some modeling...I still think of that one a bit but don't regret the decision.)
A slightly less attractive women with quite self assurance... that's HOT!
When I first began dating when I was 17, I always offered to chip in and those guys, even though they were my age and making maybe the same or slightly more than me, still gave me that look of "who are you, to question my manhood???" and always insisted on paying. So after a few years of receiving the same look from guys, I stop even offering to pay early on.
Now, if things go well, I just do nice things, buy them little things, cook for them, anything that shows I care and am interested in the guy. I feel like that way, it shows I'm not using him for his money. I guess now, if things got far enough, I would feel the guy out in baby steps by first offering to pay a tip for dinner after we're exclusive and then going from there with offering to pick up a whole tab, but not before exclusivity, no way. I agree with the poster that said you don't make a woman pay until marriage..by then you're likely combining your income anyways. However, I wouldn't mind helping out with things once its exclusive. Plus, I also don't make much and it'll likely be years before I ever make much so any man I date has to understand that.
I'd be fine with that... But I don't remember the last time a woman I was dating cooked for me! (I cook pretty well according to them however...)
I really don't think about it as much as the men on here do. all I know is, those men have gotten offended when I offered and so I don't do it anymore, not during the 1st few dates. but yes, those men made it about manhood..I was just trying to be fair. not only that, when I was younger, I was always afraid taht if a man paid for me, he would get angry that I didn't put out in return because I never did (still don't) that early on. Obviously that's a dumb thought to have and I know better now but I was a lot younger (teenager).
I don't think it's dumb. Many do view it as a kind of prostitution, so it's not out in left field to fear some kind of expectation. It's interesting to me. I don't have any experience with it since I didn't engage in traditional dating when I was single.
I remember a friend of mine tried to set me up on a date with her coworker and one of her selling points was she made more money than me. I told her that doesn't matter because I'll end up paying for everything anyway. It's just a traditional thing, I feel awkward when the woman pays. Although I gotta say, when I was single, I saved a lot of money.
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