Dating in your 30's (marry, girl, cheated, younger)

[LS Jaun]

Originally Posted by wordlife

I haven't hit 30 yet, but as a man dating is so much easier at this age now. I think in your early 20's its a good time to learn game and as you get older you start to develop, and you know what works and what doesn't. It only get better, sadly for women after 31-32 things go downhill and they have to settle.

what itshim said is so on point. It feels great to be the one to do the choosing....and dropping lol

Yes, from your perspective I can see that, because that's what I thought at your age too. For me, at 39, the woman start to become the most desireable starting at 30. In 10 years I will probably say 40!

[josh u]

It's easier. I have more money and more experience. With experience comes know-how: how to sweet talk a woman without sounding cliche; how to make her feel special; knowing what she wants before she wants it. I can read a woman better now than before (although no guy will ever be 100% accurate in this regard). With money, I am able to dress sharp. Women love fashionable guys even though many women will deny they care about a guy's looks. And if you have a lot of money, you are already above 80% of the competition because most single guys out there don't have their s*** together... there are so many losers in the world.

In my early 20s I didn't know any of this.

There are 2 general segments of women: the ones who just want to party, and the ones who want something serious. In your 20s you can get only the 1st segment, but in your 30s you can get the 2nd one and possibly some in the 1st segment. Hence you have more opportunities

[WestPhillyDude75]

Originally Posted by itshim

I would think it would be easier for that very reason. In your 30's, it's perceived that those are suppose to be your goals/life accomplishments. It comes with the territory of being motivated and traveling a straight path. The women in search of "established" men are just fringe benefits that comes with all of those things.

It's very different from being in your 20s and sculpting yourself a certain way to attract women. I think that's much tougher.

At 21 all you have to be is attractive to be a good catch

[SEAandATL]

Originally Posted by h886

I second this assessment. Also, OP, is there a reason you are targeting young women aged 18-19 or early 20's when you're in your 30's? You've got at least a decade age difference on them. It's one thing if you happen to meet a person who you have a ton of common interests with, who shares your life goals, etc, and there's an age difference, but when you're talking about someone who routinely seeks out really young, not fully matured women, that's a red flag for me. And I bet it is for a lot of those girls who are waving a hand and saying, "No, thanks!" too. That's the message you may be sending in frequenting a hangout vastly populated by barely legal women when you're 30+. An older man can be highly attractive if he's got his stuff together, is stable, has a lot to offer, and is attractive to boot. That kind of man is less likely to be looking over the hot young meat in a bar where everyone else is a decade younger than him. Of course, you have to also factor in that they may be using you to solve their daddy issues or for the presents you can buy them. Not all, but some.

If it were me, OP, I would concentrate on meeting women your own age. So if you're 32, that would be women in the 28-36 range. To do that, you need to be offer what most women expect from a man that age, some stability and accomplishments under your belt. Or, if you start having luck with the barely legal crowd, so be it, but it looks like you've been trying that for awhile and they aren't buying what you're trying to sell. Reconsider your strategy.

I'm not actually targeting younger women. It just happens that most of the single women, at least in the bar scene are in that age group. That's another reason to stay from the clubs, as many other posters suggested. I would love to meet more women around my age, but more of them are married and have kids by now. It's just how the pyramid is. Also, I am bummed out that I am now too old for the young adults, as I am 32 going on 33. Just 2-3 years ago, I would have fit in fine but I was married back then. I've been told that I'm too old to act young, but I'm not old enough to wish I was young (mid-life crisis).

[h886]

Originally Posted by SEAandATL

I'm not actually targeting younger women. It just happens that most of the single women, at least in the bar scene are in that age group. That's another reason to stay from the clubs, as many other posters suggested. I would love to meet more women around my age, but more of them are married and have kids by now. It's just how the pyramid is. Also, I am bummed out that I am now too old for the young adults, as I am 32 going on 33. Just 2-3 years ago, I would have fit in fine but I was married back then. I've been told that I'm too old to act young, but I'm not old enough to wish I was young (mid-life crisis).

Well, you're not 21 any more, but nor are you 50, looking back to your youth and lamenting. The 30's can be a great decade. Yes, more women your age have been married or are married. Some have kids by that point. There's probably also some divorcee's in that group, just like you. You might consider joining some different groups where you can meet women closer to your age, maybe taking a class or volunteering. I agree with the others that the bar scene is kind of a futile place to look for quality women looking for something real anyway, and if you're a decade older and getting shot down most of the time, it may be a waste of time.

[Coolhand68]

Originally Posted by SEAandATL

I was wondering do you guys (men specifically) feel that dating is easier or harder during your 30's compared to your 20's? For me, I feel that it is harder, especially in the club scene. It's not the same as when I was 21. Even just 2-3 years ago, I was getting looks from girls in their early 20's or even 18/19 year olds. Now they would say "Ewww, you're too old for me" (they don't actually say it but that's how I take it). I have better luck at pubs, however. Those have more women in my age group. With the Internet dating sites, I don't get as many hits as I did in my 20's. My ex-wife said before we separated that I better keep her because no one else would want me. I don't want to think she was right. Is it true that men get less attractive as they get older, while the women get hotter? Because many younger men older women, but not many young women like older men. I think it may depend on location too.

There really isn't a one size fits all answer to your question. Some people age better than others. Dating in my 30's was the best time ever. I had a different level of confidence, I was more content with my life, I had more answers than questions.

I think part of what may be tripping you up is that you're still focused on 21 year old girls instead of women closer to your own age. When I was in my early 30's I mostly dated women in their late 20's - mid 30's. Not to say there aren't younger girls that will go out with a guy in his 30's, but the herd of the young and willing starts to thin out the older you get.

If you want to market yourself a little better, get to the gym, update your wardrobe, and don't try so hard to look or act as though you are ten years younger. Be comfortable in your own skin and don't try to score the hottest woman in the room wherever you go. Be honest about your end game/goals. If all you want is to bang young 20 year olds, then expect a string of shallow relationships based mostly on sex. Nothing wrong with that if that's what makes you happy and you aren't being a "dirty" player. If you want something with a little more substance, the thump-thump club scene might not be the best resource.

[cdubs3201]

This thread is reassuring for me. I'm a 28 year old guy and most of my friends are in their early 30's and they seem to have better success in the last couple years than I have. I've dated women who have done nothing but burn me and I've had to do the bending over backwards to land them. I've heard from many older men that it gets WAY easier when you hit your 30's as women tend to "wake up" around that age. The question I ask myself though is: "Would I want to be with a woman who was so superficial in her 20's and now realizes her value has dropped and she is just now realizing she wants stability and a good man as a husband over other superficial qualities?"

I just don't see why I would want to date 30+ women even when I reach my 30's. I can see why men go for women in their 20's, they still have value and if they aren't very superficial in their 20's then it means they truly are a catch and have a good head on their shoulders. That's what men want, REAL women, not women who go through phases. What happens when 30+ women hit their 40's and 50's? Can you say midlife crisis and high divorce rate?

[WestPhillyDude75]

Originally Posted by cdubs3201

This thread is reassuring for me. I'm a 28 year old guy and most of my friends are in their early 30's and they seem to have better success in the last couple years than I have. I've dated women who have done nothing but burn me and I've had to do the bending over backwards to land them. I've heard from many older men that it gets WAY easier when you hit your 30's as women tend to "wake up" around that age. The question I ask myself though is: "Would I want to be with a woman who was so superficial in her 20's and now realizes her value has dropped and she is just now realizing she wants stability and a good man as a husband over other superficial qualities?"

I just don't see why I would want to date 30+ women even when I reach my 30's. I can see why men go for women in their 20's, they still have value and if they aren't very superficial in their 20's then it means they truly are a catch and have a good head on their shoulders. That's what men want, REAL women, not women who go through phases. What happens when 30+ women hit their 40's and 50's? Can you say midlife crisis and high divorce rate?

That's how I am, I'm 36 and focus on women from 26 to 33 years old

[dave nz]

Strict age restrictions don't even enter my thinking except 16-65. Wait while 16 is legal here doubt I could do it. 18-65.

[STT Resident]

Originally Posted by TVandSportsGuy

At 21 all you have to be is attractive to be a good catch

Oh Lord, another quote to add to the "The World According to TVSG" compendium. Thanks to technological advances, dragging this mammoth cliché-ridden tome around at the expense of a crippling back injury isn't necessary any more but, before starting on even the condensed version, one has to determine whether the search to learn nothing is worth the time involved.

Originally Posted by cdubs3201

This thread is reassuring for me. The question I ask myself though is: "Would I want to be with a woman who was so superficial in her 20's and now realizes her value has dropped and she is just now realizing she wants stability and a good man as a husband over other superficial qualities?"... That's what men want, REAL women, not women who go through phases. What happens when 30+ women hit their 40's and 50's? Can you say midlife crisis and high divorce rate?

Wow, - what a bunch of assumptions based purely on the growing up phases of a woman. So your point is that men remain constant while women change? OK, I'll go along with that since this is the point you seem to be making. Many men never grow up and remain larger physical versions of the snotty-nosed little runts who became teenagers, started dating, made some mistakes and end up divorced anywhere from their 20's-60's when they realized they preferred stability over superficiality.

REAL men don't go through phases. REAL MEN never grow up.

Do you think before you write?

Originally Posted by TVandSportsGuy

That's how I am, I'm 36 and focus on women from 26 to 33 years old

And much success has of course resulted.