Dating in your 30's (boyfriend, men, loving, older)

[funymann]

Originally Posted by SEAandATL

I was wondering do you guys (men specifically) feel that dating is easier or harder during your 30's compared to your 20's? For me, I feel that it is harder, especially in the club scene. It's not the same as when I was 21. Even just 2-3 years ago, I was getting looks from girls in their early 20's or even 18/19 year olds. Now they would say "Ewww, you're too old for me" (they don't actually say it but that's how I take it). I have better luck at pubs, however. Those have more women in my age group. With the Internet dating sites, I don't get as many hits as I did in my 20's. My ex-wife said before we separated that I better keep her because no one else would want me. I don't want to think she was right. Is it true that men get less attractive as they get older, while the women get hotter? Because many younger men older women, but not many young women like older men. I think it may depend on location too.

There is a bump you will hit when you realize you are out of the range for some younger than you. It will make you feel weird at first but it will pass.

Later, you will see many women will find you attractive. That is what has happened in my case. The ladies seem to like the semi-mature looking. Older and mature.

Plus, some of the older ladies will be divorced and on the prowl in their 30's.

Trust me, men will have an easier time with dating in their 30's and 40's then women.

[WestPhillyDude75]

Originally Posted by STT Resident

Oh Lord, another quote to add to the "The World According to TVSG" compendium. Thanks to technological advances, dragging this mammoth cliché-ridden tome around at the expense of a crippling back injury isn't necessary any more but, before starting on even the condensed version, one has to determine whether the search to learn nothing is worth the time involved.



Wow, - what a bunch of assumptions based purely on the growing up phases of a woman. So your point is that men remain constant while women change? OK, I'll go along with that since this is the point you seem to be making. Many men never grow up and remain larger physical versions of the snotty-nosed little runts who became teenagers, started dating, made some mistakes and end up divorced anywhere from their 20's-60's when they realized they preferred stability over superficiality.

REAL men don't go through phases. REAL MEN never grow up.

Do you think before you write?



And much success has of course resulted.

The girl I'm seeing now is 29

[Mathguy]

Originally Posted by SEAandATL

I was wondering do you guys (men specifically) feel that dating is easier or harder during your 30's compared to your 20's? For me, I feel that it is harder, especially in the club scene. It's not the same as when I was 21. Even just 2-3 years ago, I was getting looks from girls in their early 20's or even 18/19 year olds. Now they would say "Ewww, you're too old for me" (they don't actually say it but that's how I take it). I have better luck at pubs, however. Those have more women in my age group. With the Internet dating sites, I don't get as many hits as I did in my 20's. My ex-wife said before we separated that I better keep her because no one else would want me. I don't want to think she was right. Is it true that men get less attractive as they get older, while the women get hotter? Because many younger men older women, but not many young women like older men. I think it may depend on location too.

Once you hit your 30's the guys that keep themselves fit have a huge advantage.

Club scenes are meat markets and yeah, older guys trolling them are creepy.

It all depends on the individuals, there are no absolutes. You should probably sit down with a list of what you want, where you would best find it and how you can make changes within your control to affect the outcome.

It's also possible that you are projecting BAGGAGE from your previous relationship which is of course unattractive.

[cdubs3201]

Originally Posted by STT Resident

Wow, - what a bunch of assumptions based purely on the growing up phases of a woman. So your point is that men remain constant while women change? OK, I'll go along with that since this is the point you seem to be making. Many men never grow up and remain larger physical versions of the snotty-nosed little runts who became teenagers, started dating, made some mistakes and end up divorced anywhere from their 20's-60's when they realized they preferred stability over superficiality.

REAL men don't go through phases. REAL MEN never grow up.

Do you think before you write?

I don't know about MEN, I only know myself. Sure I've had phases and learning experiences like anyone, but I've always stayed true to myself and what I believe in. I've also wanted the same thing throughout most of my adult life. That is to find a woman to make happy and marry and have a family. I know what kind of woman I want and I look for a value the same qualities. I think, from only my own personal life experiences with women, that they change what they want through phases. They don't always stay true to themselves. Many of them are dishonest in the dating realm and lack respect for others feelings. Many of them also look for something different in men such as superficial things like: Does he own a house? Does he make good money? Is he tall?

I think if you find someone with good values and good moral character then I don't care if she has a good paying job. I care if she's self sufficient, yes, but her height and bank account aren't important to me in the long run. Those are things that are important to almost EVERY woman....until she hits a new phase in her 30's where she just wants to find a decent man that treats her right. It changes for them. It hasn't changed for me, I've been looking for the same thing.

So yeah, I think before I write. Didn't realize I have to spell out everything for those who don't understand or sit back and wait for certain phrases to blow out of context, but yeah, I do a lot of thinking. Probably more than what's good for me.

Originally Posted by Mathguy

Once you hit your 30's the guys that keep themselves fit have a huge advantage.

This also gives me more confidence being in shape. Guys do get fat easily post 30. I stay active and I've actually lost a lot of weight recently. It feels great and it has more of an effect on women when you approach them with more confidence and a better body.

[biafra4life]

I know I'm going to be in the minority on this, but I personally feel that a guy in this 30s should look to date younger...like early 20s at the oldest. My experiences have taught me that for many women, by the time they hit about 25 they've usually been through a bunch of relationships (all ending badly obviously if she's still single)...she's been cheated on, hurt, all kinds of different things...so by her mid twenties all her innocence is gone, she's mistrustful of guys (in other words, she has baggage)

Thus you will be paying for every guy before you who ever did her wrong...now not all older women are like this but enough of them are, and one thing you learn the hard way is that you cannot be superman...some girls are just scarred for life and will always have trust issues with men...dating younger girls will not eliminate this entirely, but you have a much greater chance of meeting a girl who has not been turned bitter, and trust me, your world will be a WHOLE lot better...provided you yourself are not a jerk looking to screw girls over that is.

Furthermore, being an older guy helps you in being a leader...women want a man who they can look up to, and follow...dont let all the "Independent women who dont need no man" fads fool you...the problem is that too many men are just not ready/willing to be good leaders to their women, and effective leading means leading by example, not just talking about it. A woman should always end up a better person having dated you. If you can't say that then you need to look at yourself and ask if you were the best mate that you could have been for her.

Well best of luck to you mate!

[Knight2009]

Originally Posted by biafra4life

I know I'm going to be in the minority on this, but I personally feel that a guy in this 30s should look to date younger...like early 20s at the oldest. My experiences have taught me that for many women, by the time they hit about 25 they've usually been through a bunch of relationships (all ending badly obviously if she's still single)...she's been cheated on, hurt, all kinds of different things...so by her mid twenties all her innocence is gone, she's mistrustful of guys (in other words, she has baggage)

Thus you will be paying for every guy before you who ever did her wrong...now not all older women are like this but enough of them are, and one thing you learn the hard way is that you cannot be superman...some girls are just scarred for life and will always have trust issues with men...dating younger girls will not eliminate this entirely, but you have a much greater chance of meeting a girl who has not been turned bitter, and trust me, your world will be a WHOLE lot better...provided you yourself are not a jerk looking to screw girls over that is.

Furthermore, being an older guy helps you in being a leader...women want a man who they can look up to, and follow...dont let all the "Independent women who dont need no man" fads fool you...the problem is that too many men are just not ready/willing to be good leaders to their women, and effective leading means leading by example, not just talking about it. A woman should always end up a better person having dated you. If you can't say that then you need to look at yourself and ask if you were the best mate that you could have been for her.

Well best of luck to you mate!

Agreed 5000%, with the poster above -- this has also been nearly exactly my experience with dating 30+ ladies The younger, early 20-somethings or (legal age) thereabouts simply tend to be much nicer / sweeter / kinder / *much* less baggage!

[D217]

^ yeah, but you guys are going to be the ones responsible for giving those young girls all their new "baggage"...

Good luck with that!

[Knight2009]

Originally Posted by D217

^ yeah, but you guys are going to be the ones responsible for giving those young girls all their new "baggage"...

Good luck with that!

I don't want to give any girl baggage...I would honestly never dream of intentionally doing that

What I do dream of to giving, to a girl: my hand in marriage...not in baggage! (Hey that's kinda almost like imperfect rhyming, too! )

[Checkered24]

Originally Posted by biafra4life

I know I'm going to be in the minority on this, but I personally feel that a guy in this 30s should look to date younger...like early 20s at the oldest. My experiences have taught me that for many women, by the time they hit about 25 they've usually been through a bunch of relationships (all ending badly obviously if she's still single)...she's been cheated on, hurt, all kinds of different things...so by her mid twenties all her innocence is gone, she's mistrustful of guys (in other words, she has baggage)

Thus you will be paying for every guy before you who ever did her wrong...now not all older women are like this but enough of them are, and one thing you learn the hard way is that you cannot be superman...some girls are just scarred for life and will always have trust issues with men...dating younger girls will not eliminate this entirely, but you have a much greater chance of meeting a girl who has not been turned bitter, and trust me, your world will be a WHOLE lot better...provided you yourself are not a jerk looking to screw girls over that is.

Furthermore, being an older guy helps you in being a leader...women want a man who they can look up to, and follow...dont let all the "Independent women who dont need no man" fads fool you...the problem is that too many men are just not ready/willing to be good leaders to their women, and effective leading means leading by example, not just talking about it. A woman should always end up a better person having dated you. If you can't say that then you need to look at yourself and ask if you were the best mate that you could have been for her.

Well best of luck to you mate!

With respect of your opinion, I have to say my experience has been the opposite.

My current fiance is 30, and has a colorful past, including a marriage and divorce. Definately plenty of baggage, and I know she has scars from it.

That said, she is also amazingly giving emotionally, and has always looked on our relationship as a new start and not treated me poorly or unfairly because of her past.

Of course, this may not be true of everyone with her kind of past too. All people are different and act and react differently to their pasts.

Of course, I would also think that any guy in his 30's is bringing a lot of baggage to a relationship too.

[D217]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

I don't want to give any girl baggage...I would honestly never dream of intentionally doing that

Well nobody ever "intends" to do that!

But sh*t happens, you live and learn.

I think it's easier once you get all that messy stuff out of the way when you're young. You fool around and make mistakes; you break hearts and get yours broken... You reach extreme highs & lows, get acquainted with your pain and you end up learning more about yourself- what works for you and what doesn't.


Dating in my 30's is definitely more interesting.