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Totally agree. I'm just trying to see trends where maybe there aren't any - I'm trying to see if the paranoia, the fear of everything and everybody that's drilled into so many in our society has some effect in this situation. Look at some replies on relationship forums - how inaccurate information along with personal prejudices, religious trauma and social brainwashing leads to fear and, more importantly, vigorous damnation of interacting in public places.
"Watch out for that guy - he's a creep!" - this seems to be the new relationship mantra.
"Be careful what you put online - you don't want those creepy psychotic stalkers chopping you up some night!" - why do "creepy" and "psychotic" so often seem interchangeable on these boards?
The odds of a successful street pick-up these days with that kind of paranoid atmosphere? Not good.
Maybe FaceBook, Match.com and their ilk are the new street pick-ups ... they allow some distance at first. That should satisfy peoples' security appetites. But at some point, they'll still have to meet.
It seems like a very deliberate and very ingenious system that has been installed in society - assuage the fears of the masses with bright, shiny tech while ignoring the basic problems of social-skills development.
Very true. Especially in our culture, where it's so hard to smile at an attractive woman on the street without her judging your intentions.
A few years ago I tried my luck meeting girls in the busy, fast-paced streets of New York City. A social experiment. I wasn't trying to pick up girls to sleep with them, but I wanted to learn the skills and gain the confidence necessary to meet girls in public places.
The results? In the beginning (first few days) I was horrible. Rejected, ignored, laughed at. My words didn't match my body language. My voice was constantly drowned out by the cars and the madness of the city. I can go on and on with the list.
To make a long story short, after a few days, it started getting easier and easier. My actions, words, facial expressions etc. started becoming congruent and I was quickly losing the fear of approaching a total stranger. A few weeks down the line, and my friend and I were in a groove. We were young, but starting conversations with attractive 35-year old ladies - and engaging them to the point where they were laughing, vibing and enjoying unexpectedly speaking to a stranger. We did it for a couple months and it turned out to be a socially educational experiment.
Very true. Especially in our culture, where it's so hard to smile at an attractive woman on the street without her judging your intentions.
A few years ago I tried my luck meeting girls in the busy, fast-paced streets of New York City. A social experiment. I wasn't trying to pick up girls to sleep with them, but I wanted to learn the skills and gain the confidence necessary to meet girls in public places.
The results? In the beginning (first few days) I was horrible. Rejected, ignored, laughed at. My words didn't match my body language. My voice was constantly drowned out by the cars and the madness of the city. I can go on and on with the list.
To make a long story short, after a few days, it started getting easier and easier. My actions, words, facial expressions etc. started becoming congruent and I was quickly losing the fear of approaching a total stranger. A few weeks down the line, and my friend and I were in a groove. We were young, but starting conversations with attractive 35-year old ladies - and engaging them to the point where they were laughing, vibing and enjoying unexpectedly speaking to a stranger. We did it for a couple months and it turned out to be a socially educational experiment.
NYC was MY alma mater too - yay NYC!
I cut my relationship eyeteeth in NYC so I understand completely what you're talking about.
One of my best times was when I was working on this cute little thing on the Lower East Side and a dirty, smelly homeless guy comes up and tries hitting on her at the same time ...
Well, and I don't really like getting asked out solely on the basis of a guy thinking I'm hot, which is what random street pick ups are. I'd at least like to have had a conversation with the guy before he asks for my number.
He-he, some women are truly funny! As if in other places strange new guys really want to talk to your "personality"!
Hmm... I live in Paris and I get asked out by random guys on the street a lot more there than I do in the US, so that's true. Never said yes to any of them though, because they've always been at least 10-15 years older than me (I'm in my early 20s) and I'm not into older men. Well, and I don't really like getting asked out solely on the basis of a guy thinking I'm hot, which is what random street pick ups are. I'd at least like to have had a conversation with the guy before he asks for my number.
Hi dreamoutloud,
The formula is :
good looks + good personality = girlfriend.
One of these can normally be determined rather discreetly. The other sometimes requires a good deal of context. There is a solution to your problem.
I sincerely sympathize with the plight of those women whose pendulous bosom is barely contained with a provocative T-shirt that clearly spells "Bad Personality". The men who bother them are animals.
Oddly enough, I have had men trynto pick me up in the street often lately. Last time it happened regularly, I was in my 20s. Now i am 41. I don't get it, but i appreciate.the attention.
I sincerely sympathize with the plight of those women whose pendulous bosom is barely contained with a provocative T-shirt that clearly spells "Bad Personality". The men who bother them are animals.
*reading this post while sitting in a tire swing, scratching myself and gnawing on a bone*
I'm trying to understand why some men try to pick up dates out in public and whether or not that actually works. I'm not talking about quick sexual harassment/catcalling but when a guy actually accosts you for your name and phone number or asks if they can "get to know you". Whenever this happens to me I'm baffled that a complete stranger would assume that I'd just go on a date without knowing anything about him (and he doesn't know anything about me!).
So ladies, have you ever actually decided to go out with a guy you "met" five seconds ago? If so, did it go well?
Men are welcome to post their thoughts but please don't vote...I'm sure you'd like to see the real numbers anyway!
My now husband didn't "accost" me but he asked me if I wanted to get something to drink after we'd chatted for about 10 minutes. I was roller-blading and he was walking on a public walkway on a beautiful January afternoon. It was super windy and I'd stop to rest and he'd catch up and we'd talk a few minutes.
I said "yes" and took my own car, because he was a stranger. We decided to go out later in the week and, as they say, the rest is history. We've known each other for 15 years, been married for 13 and have a 12-year-old daughter.
I just read through the entire thread and I gotta say I feel sorry for people who live their lives in fear. Maybe it's because I'm older (49) and times have changed, but when I was a 20-something I met and had great times with all kinds of strangers. I traveled by myself in South America and at one point palled around with two young guys from Sweden and two Hippie guys from Spain. We didn't have sex or anything, but I shared a room with the Swedes and we explored the Amazon basin together until we went our separate ways. We corresponded by mail (told you I was old) for a while and then that fell off.
There were other people I met over the years who either seemed too crazy or too dangerous to be around, but I learned to trust my instincts and use good sense and with one exception, never got into any real trouble. Even during the exception (where I was exceptionally stupid) I was saved from harm by a fortuitous set of circumstances.
In any case, yes, strangers can be dangerous but you can also have a truly wonderful time and meet some great people if you stop thinking of everyone as a serial killer. Just keep your eyes and you mind open to what is going on and live a little bit.
Very true. Especially in our culture, where it's so hard to smile at an attractive woman on the street without her judging your intentions.
I'd like to ask, what are your intentions when smiling at, or approaching an attractive woman? Would she be making the right assumption if she assumed you were trying to pick her up? (Even if she does enjoy/return your attention, is her assumption correct?).
Wow, I haven't been back to this thread, I'm surprised that it's grown! My thoughts when making this thread weren't so much about how "strangers are scary"...more about how some men are able to decide that they want to go on a date with a woman without anything more than her face and (maybe even) her name.
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Whenever this happens to me I'm baffled that a complete stranger would assume that I'd just go on a date without knowing anything about him (and he doesn't know anything about me!).
