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The problem with the "we need to talk" approach is that it prepares the talkee to put up their defenses right away in anticipation of something they don't want to hear. It's better to try and work these issues into a discussion as they are happening. Rather than allow a list of issues to pile up and then dump them on someone all at once.
Its important that in a relationship they think of each other as one entity, or one team. WHen you start thinking about each other as separate people, then you start fighting over how you treat each other etc etc. Communication is the most important. It's an issue if they have different values (girl wants to work things out, guy doesnt want to).
Anberlin, sounds to me like the problem is that your friend is not giving her guy enough sex. That one problem alone could cause a variety of other "issues/problems" to happen. These other "issues/problems" are usually little things that normally arent too serious themselves but with the added stress of there being sexual problems in the relationship, she get amplified.
Me being a guy, I have to say that your friend should be happy that she has a guy who has the "we need to talk" approach to dealing with relationship issues. This is a rare trait with us guys. Most guys would just get sex somewhere else and hope that their girlfriend would eventually wise up and get into sex more. As her friend, you should support her and help her, not recommend that she end the relationship.
Anberlin, sounds to me like the problem is that your friend is not giving her guy enough sex. That one problem alone could cause a variety of other "issues/problems" to happen. These other "issues/problems" are usually little things that normally arent too serious themselves but with the added stress of there being sexual problems in the relationship, she get amplified.
Me being a guy, I have to say that your friend should be happy that she has a guy who has the "we need to talk" approach to dealing with relationship issues. This is a rare trait with us guys. Most guys would just get sex somewhere else and hope that their girlfriend would eventually wise up and get into sex more. As her friend, you should support her and help her, not
recommend that she end the relationship.
Two things: I'm not recommending for her relationship to end the relationship. I support their relationship actually. Another thing, sex has nothing to do with this relationship. They are both Christians, so they are going to stick to their beliefs of "no sex before marriage". Sex is out of the picture.
Sounds to me like she is constantly looking for something to complain about. The simple fact that she is sharing all this with you tells me that she enjoys the drama. I personally feel sorry for this guy. If I could give him advise it would be to get the hell away from this women.
I could google this up but would probably get a whole load of nonsense that may or may not be true. I want to hear your experience and would like some advice on how to look at this in a different angle.
This is my perspective so this is how I understand their relationship.
To make this short: My friend is in a relationship right now, and she tells me a lot of her problems. The other night she was telling me how it has been tough because they're always arguing. I ask what kind of problems do they have, and she told me small problems like communication, time quality, lack of intimacy, cultural issues and things like that. I do believe that small problems, if not dealt with, will be a big problem in the future. I also do believe that it's good to be concern about it but don't stress about it if you can't "fix" it in one day.
She keeps coming to her boyfriend saying "we need to talk". This talk will probably last a week, sometimes even months because it's not "fixed" or it's repetitive (lack of intimacy = let's talk, over and over again). They talk about it, but every time they finish talking, something else pops in her mind and she feels the need to address that. She's concern about her relationship which it is a good thing, but maybe she's overdoing these talk stuff? Sometimes I wonder how he really feels about this. She wants to fix these problems in one day, at least that's the message that I'm hearing from her. I was thinking, maybe you are stress out because you always feel the need to fix everything and put everything on your shoulder! Girl, you are not a super woman. Stop trying to fix everything. When I tried to tell her this, she would blow me off with another reason why it's not "true". Well I'm hearing "I need to fix this" all the time.
Interestingly how in my experience, it was the guy who told me "we need to talk". I never approach him with the "we need to talk".
Thanks.
She needs to cut the guy loose and find someone she can be truly in love with. I think she's settling to be in a relationship just to keep from being single.
That's where and how the whole "I'll fix him" stuff usually originates from. If and when she ends up really in love, she will not have so much nit picky stuff to whine about.
If she keeps/marries this one and he keeps her, it will eventually spell...D-I-V-O-R-C-E!!
"Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots." ~Author unknown, as printed in The Hoosier Farmer
Last edited by picklejuice; 07-23-2011 at 10:36 AM..
I read your post three times and a still can't figure out exactly what your question is!
Perhaps it's due to you muddying the waters of clarity by playing the pronoun game? By saying the subject is "my friend" and "she" instead of you? Just curious.
I read your post three times and a still can't figure out exactly what your question is!
Perhaps it's due to you muddying the waters of clarity by playing the pronoun game? By saying the subject is "my friend" and "she" instead of you? Just curious.
No it's definitely my friend. I had some questions before but I took it out. My question (to men) is how would you prefer your s.o to approach you when it comes to "we need to talk"? Coolhand answer my question.
I don't want to suggest for them to break up because they seem really, really happy with each other.
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