Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My husband and I were "just friends" for two years. Then we fell madly in love! Our friendship helped us "weather all the storms" through the years and "stay in love" and stay together.
People put stock in chemistry, because it's not very gratifying to be with somebody you had to talk yourself into feeling attraction for. And it won't last.
I disagree with the one-and-done concept in dating, myself, because you can't always get a good feel for who somebody is during just one encounter. Too many other variables can be at play. You need a bit more time spent around a person, preferably in different contexts, to get a true picture of what they're like and to determine level of attraction. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt early on. But, if, after a few occasions to socialize, you aren't feeling anything that attracts you, it's pretty likely that it won't sneak up on you further down the road. Even for people like the above post, it's likely that there WAS an attraction early on, albeit a friendly attraction, or they wouldn't have been friends for two years before it deepened into something more due to shared experiences in that time. There really most likely WAS something there early on, even though they recognized it as a friendship. Think about it. You're only friends with people you're attracted to in some way. If the person holds no appeal for you, you're not even gonna be their friend.
People put stock in chemistry, because it's not very gratifying to be with somebody you had to talk yourself into feeling attraction for. And it won't last.
I disagree with the one-and-done concept in dating, myself, because you can't always get a good feel for who somebody is during just one encounter. Too many other variables can be at play. You need a bit more time spent around a person, preferably in different contexts, to get a true picture of what they're like and to determine level of attraction. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt early on. But, if, after a few occasions to socialize, you aren't feeling anything that attracts you, it's pretty likely that it won't sneak up on you further down the road. Even for people like the above post, it's likely that there WAS an attraction early on, albeit a friendly attraction, or they wouldn't have been friends for two years before it deepened into something more due to shared experiences in that time. There really most likely WAS something there early on, even though they recognized it as a friendship. Think about it. You're only friends with people you're attracted to in some way. If the person holds no appeal for you, you're not even gonna be their friend.
I agree with what you wrote. There has to be some kind of appeal and attraction.
When my husband and I were "just friends" for two years he was a better friend than most of my girlfriends...We could talk about anything and everything. And we had so much fun together. He wasn't like other guys that I dated. He didn't "come on to me" or push for "more." This meant the world to me. I felt safe with him and trusted him completely. He was content to be my best friend. We grew closer and closer and one day we just fell in love!
When my husband and I were "just friends" for two years he was a better friend than most of my girlfriends...We could talk about anything and everything. And we had so much fun together. He wasn't like other guys that I dated. He didn't "come on to me" or push for "more." This meant the world to me. I felt safe with him and trusted him completely. He was content to be my best friend. We grew closer and closer and one day we just fell in love!
I'm not saying this scenario is not good because it evidently is more than fine for some, but it'll always be mind-boggling to me how it works...
The question that arises for me in that scenario is related to the fact that you say, "He was content to be my best friend." Which begs the question of whether or not your husband spent two years harboring a romantic attraction and waited for you, who felt only platonic friendship at that point, to come around.
Because that's a little different than a true, reciprocal friendship that organically ends up growing in to something else. It's also a dangerous place that a lot of people in unrequited situations find themselves in, and the other person never DOES come around, and hurt and bitterness is the typical end result. My question would be, did you one day just simultaneously fall in love with one another, or was one side harboring those feelings pretty much all along? Because there are distinct differences in those two scenarios, and one's pretty emotionally risky.
In regards to the question...Well my husband had been married for 20 plus years. He was in the process of "finding himself" after he and his wife split up...I had just stepped out of a turbulent relationship and I wasn't ready to rush into a new relationship either...It was refreshing to be together because neither one of us had a need to push for "more." We could just relax and be friends and sit and talk and have adventures and fun together...Neither one of us expected to fall in love with each other. Both of us were used to having platonic relationships with the opposite sex. So our relationship didn't seem weird or abnormal to either of us...What was different is how close we became. We became "best best buddies" and talked to each other everyday and spent most of our free time together. And it all felt great! Our friendship made us happy and we grew closer and closer. It just took us awhile to realize that we had fallen in love over the years. And by the time we realized it we were both ready to be a "couple" together. It was all really sweet and innocent. ...If we had tried to be boyfriend and girlfriend in the early stages neither one of us would have been ready.
In regards to the question...Well my husband had been married for 20 plus years. He was in the process of "finding himself" after he and his wife split up...I had just stepped out of a turbulent relationship and I wasn't ready to rush into a new relationship either...It was refreshing to be together because neither one of us had a need to push for "more." We could just relax and be friends and sit and talk and have adventures and fun together...Neither one of us expected to fall in love with each other. Both of us were used to having platonic relationships with the opposite sex. So our relationship didn't seem weird or abnormal to either of us...What was different is how close we became. We became "best best buddies" and talked to each other everyday and spent most of our free time together. And it all felt great! Our friendship made us happy and we grew closer and closer. It just took us awhile to realize that we had fallen in love over the years. And by the time we realized it we were both ready to be a "couple" together. It was all really sweet and innocent. ...If we had tried to be boyfriend and girlfriend in the early stages neither one of us would have been ready.
Thanks for explaining, CArizona. I can relate better now. I guess under some circumstances relationships can develop this way.
It seems like through things like online dating and such, people seem to have an one-and-done philosophy when it comes to searching for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect/Right?
Does that philosophy really work? Do people expect too much in wanting that happen to overnight? Seems like one should go on that first date, learn a little about each other (see if they laugh with you, have some mutual interests, ect.), and juts develop some sort of friendship first.
It depends on what you're looking for. It's a gamble. If you want chemistry, but don't feel it right away, it may or may not appear later. Most likely, it won't appear. But if you are willing to settle without chemistry, but just with a nice guy, then developing a relationship over time and have the feelings grow is a good idea. I think it's possible to fall for a guy without chemistry (over time). But it's just that you won't have chemistry. But you might have a nice life.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
