What makes ppl want to "sow their wild oats", to begin with? (guys, singles)

[Knight2009]

Originally Posted by zentropa

But how can you be sure you are compatible with the person you settle down with FOR LIFE, unless you have experienced others to determine what fits you best?

I will know..please trust me, I will know, without a doubt

After all, marriage is work--a test of endurance. It is swallowing your pride, biting your lip, giving up your desires for another's. It often boring and at other times frustrating. It does not come easily or naturally, nor does it bear any resemblance to the romantic way you perceive it.

And I truly and genuinely look forward gladly, to all of the above

[Optimus Prime]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

I will know..please trust me, I will know, without a doubt

No, you do not. You have absolutely zero clue. Trust me.

And I truly and genuinely look forward gladly, to all of the above

You don't even know what that entails, and you should be disqualified from speaking about it unless you're married.

[Knight2009]

Originally Posted by darrensmooth

the assumption is by our age (30's). that certain experiences have taken place, I guess the assumption is that you SHOULD have this experience already, but I do understand that you don't, most likely others do not understand

Very interesting...in my case, perhaps the lack of understanding could be attributed or due to the fact that I did not experience any sort of romantic relationship at all, until I was already 31...just a guess anyway...

[Knight2009]

Originally Posted by Optimus Prime

Again, you cling to that stuff probably by virtue of overabundance or deprivation as a child. It's emotional, it's a product of a very recent human age, and it's not a biological imperative, even if you find yourself listening to a lot of Maroon 5 when your girlfriend breaks up with you.

What's more, plenty of "serial monogamysts" achieve what you describe with multiple people over decades. Most marriages crumble after decades because people change and evolve, and not always in ways that continue to make them compatible.

This is just a fact of life.

Nothing wrong with being "emotional", in MHO...as long as it's the "positive" emotions...biology alone and of itself is vastly overrated...we are human beings, not animals...

[Knight2009]

Originally Posted by Optimus Prime

That's what you think, probably because you haven't been exposed to much change.


Kind of goes back to the (admittedly condescending) age remark that someone else made.

Idk...maybe you could be right...

[somebodynew]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

I will know..please trust me, I will know, without a doubt

I fear for you. You are an abuser's wet dream waiting to happen. This does not sound like real life to me. This is magic thinking.

Are you male? Google Nice Guy syndrome and Hold on to your N.U.T.S. I would hate to see someone take advantage of your innocence.

[somebodynew]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

Nothing wrong with being "emotional", in MHO...as long as it's the "positive" emotions...biology alone and of itself is vastly overrated...we are human beings, not animals...

No, in point of fact, we are animals first, our human advancements being quite evolutionarily recent.

[Knight2009]

Originally Posted by Yzette

You are asking like you are some naive 17-year-old who has never been exposed to anything other than what his family and his church have indoctrinated into him. So you are either asking to bait a conversation or you have lived a deliberately closed-minded and insular life wherein you cannot bring yourself to have friends with different lifestyles than yours. If you had such friends, you'd know various and sundry reasons why they live the way they do.

If you were female I'd be telling you to spare us the babe-in-the-woods routine.

I'm not trying to bait anyone here...I am what I am, as my own particular life experiences are what made me what I am, today... I have had friends of course, but relatively few and far between...a few, very close friendss...

But I have no ulterior motive here...dunno why you think that...

[CancerianMoonPrincess]

Originally Posted by somebodynew

I fear for you. You are an abuser's wet dream waiting to happen. This does not sound like real life to me. This is magic thinking.

Are you male? Google Nice Guy syndrome and Hold on to your N.U.T.S. I would hate to see someone take advantage of your innocence.

Would you say the same for girls?

[Knight2009]

Originally Posted by Optimus Prime

The more life experience you have, the more qualified you are to speak on this topic.

Moreover, if you are young (say, 19 or 20), you've spent 90% of your life being coddled by a caregiver who looked after your needs (parents, step-parents, grandmother, whatever). OF COURSE you think you need "permanence" and constant love/attention. Self-reliance is not in your quiver!

I don't claim to be some old sage at 33, but 13 years ago I felt the same way. You grow out of it. I only just got married this year!

I respectfully disagree...experience with marriage alone does not necessarily automatically translate into success..hence the high divorce rate...