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I agree with you completely. I had never in 12 years raised my hand on my husband. I have raised my voice, but not my hand. I don't think violence should be a part of any relationship.
Completely agree with this. I believe it's unacceptable for both the male and female partner to physically assault their partners.
I have a question for the guys. Why do you more lenient on being hit by your female partners? Based on the posts, some even say they had it coming/deserved being hit.
I don't think I could stay with a man who is so out of control he has to hit me to unload anger or frustration. I have had some pretty heated arguments withy Hubby in my time but neither or us ever resorted to physical violence. I am not sure I could forgive that.
Hubby tends to leave and take the car for a spin if he gets really annoyed and comes back a couple of hours later feeling a little more calm. I tend to go into shutdown mode until I too calm down .
Then we can both express our feelings by other means than screaming and lashing out at each other. Most of our arguments we just resolve fairly quickly anyway . We could both sulk for England if we are both at a deadlock but we have learnt to overcome this ! It never lasts that long and we end up laughing about it and apologising to each other.
Possibly because our worst arguments are always about silly domestic things, usually just a momentary lapse in judgement from both of us, a letting off steam which is never serious and thus does not matter. If we have a serious issue to discuss and we disagree we will actually ensure that both of us sit down and talk about it like adults.
I don't believe in letting big issues come between us. Better to "trash it out" as soon as it rears it ugly head and deal with it logically and as a team.
One of my boyfriends when I was in my late teens slapped me once , we had been together for a while and I really liked him, a lot . He was very jealous and started to shout at me because of some perceived interest from another guy ( which was not true at least not on my part).
I just said good-bye to him , left and and refused to see him ever again. He tried to call me and tried to come and see me at my house to apologise but the damage had been already done. It was only a mild slap but the fact he thought that hitting me was a good way to deal with his anger told me all I needed to know about him.
I had no intention to end up 5 years down the line with broken ribs, bruises all over my body and a self esteem the size of a postage stamp.
We ALL get angry, enraged even , we ALL feel frustration and annoyance in life. Dealing with it by hitting people is just not on. To me it shows a great weakness of character and serious anger management issues.
Life is too short to spend it with violent individuals. Bickering is one thing, having an argument which ends up in physical violence is another altogether.
I don't think I could stay with a man who is so out of control he has to hit me to unload anger or frustration. I have had some pretty heated arguments withy Hubby in my time but neither or us ever resorted to physical violence. I am not sure I could forgive that.
Hubby tends to leave and take the car for a spin if he gets really annoyed and comes back a couple of hours later feeling a little more calm. I tend to go into shutdown mode until I too calm down .
Then we can both express our feelings by other means than screaming and lashing out at each other. Most of our arguments we just resolve fairly quickly anyway . We could both sulk for England if we are both at a deadlock but we have learnt to overcome this ! It never lasts that long and we end up laughing about it and apologising to each other.
Possibly because our worst arguments are always about silly domestic things, usually just a momentary lapse in judgement from both of us, a letting off steam which is never serious and thus does not matter. If we have a serious issue to discuss and we disagree we will actually ensure that both of us sit down and talk about it like adults.
I don't believe in letting big issues come between us. Better to "trash it out" as soon as it rears it ugly head and deal with it logically and as a team.
One of my boyfriends when I was in my late teens slapped me once , we had been together for a while and I really liked him, a lot . He was very jealous and started to shout at me because of some perceived interest from another guy ( which was not true at least not on my part).
I just said good-bye to him , left and and refused to see him ever again. He tried to call me and tried to come and see me at my house to apologise but the damage had been already done. It was only a mild slap but the fact he thought that hitting me was a good way to deal with his anger told me all I needed to know about him.
I had no intention to end up 5 years down the line with broken ribs, bruises all over my body and a self esteem the size of a postage stamp.
We ALL get angry, enraged even , we ALL feel frustration and annoyance in life. Dealing with it by hitting people is just not on. To me it shows a great weakness of character and serious anger management issues.
Life is too short to spend it with violent individuals. Bickering is one thing, having an argument which ends up in physical violence is another altogether.
I don't think I could stay with a man who is so out of control he has to hit me to unload anger or frustration. I have had some pretty heated arguments withy Hubby in my time but neither or us ever resorted to physical violence. I am not sure I could forgive that.
Hubby tends to leave and take the car for a spin if he gets really annoyed and comes back a couple of hours later feeling a little more calm. I tend to go into shutdown mode until I too calm down .
Then we can both express our feelings by other means than screaming and lashing out at each other. Most of our arguments we just resolve fairly quickly anyway . We could both sulk for England if we are both at a deadlock but we have learnt to overcome this ! It never lasts that long and we end up laughing about it and apologising to each other.
Possibly because our worst arguments are always about silly domestic things, usually just a momentary lapse in judgement from both of us, a letting off steam which is never serious and thus does not matter. If we have a serious issue to discuss and we disagree we will actually ensure that both of us sit down and talk about it like adults.
I don't believe in letting big issues come between us. Better to "trash it out" as soon as it rears it ugly head and deal with it logically and as a team.
One of my boyfriends when I was in my late teens slapped me once , we had been together for a while and I really liked him, a lot . He was very jealous and started to shout at me because of some perceived interest from another guy ( which was not true at least not on my part).
I just said good-bye to him , left and and refused to see him ever again. He tried to call me and tried to come and see me at my house to apologise but the damage had been already done. It was only a mild slap but the fact he thought that hitting me was a good way to deal with his anger told me all I needed to know about him.
I had no intention to end up 5 years down the line with broken ribs, bruises all over my body and a self esteem the size of a postage stamp.
We ALL get angry, enraged even , we ALL feel frustration and annoyance in life. Dealing with it by hitting people is just not on. To me it shows a great weakness of character and serious anger management issues.
Life is too short to spend it with violent individuals. Bickering is one thing, having an argument which ends up in physical violence is another altogether.
Great post! My first husband tried the "strong arm" approach on me and that's what absolutely ended the relationship. Being so young and stupid, I had no idea how controlling he really was, or how used to "getting his way" he was. Ignorance is not bliss.
Very early on ....and I do mean EARLY on in our relationship, (I mean, nearly 3 decades ago!), we got into one physical fight. We were BOTH at fault and frankly it was linked to his "double-standards". We were both quite young and excessive amounts of alcohol were involved.
The difference between the "then" us and the "now" us, is the ability to BACK OFF AND COOL DOWN, before you discuss anything! It is also important to listen to your mate. If they say, "I can NOT talk to you about this right now....I just need to be left alone. We can talk about it later", you need to be big enough and mature enough to BACK off and wait!
To me, the inability to back off and let the other person (and you) cool off and THINK, shows a great weakness of character and the need to control. When you're angry, you're in a defensive mode that causes you both to say things which are intended to severely WOUND the other person. If you have any hopes of continuing that relationship, you will back off. You don't attack a person with a loaded weapon...and even if they're not physically holding a "weapon"...that doesn't mean that they're not carrying hostile words, which have the ability to cut deeper than a knife. As we all know (or should know), words have the ability to leave wounds that may never heal. The wounds are easily re-opened, sometimes even by people who weren't the ones who originally inflicted them!
If you're with someone who has the inability to back off...or if YOU'RE the one who can't back off, you need to get out. If you can't back off and shut up, you probably deserve what that other person is going to dish out to you. That doesn't mean that you deserve to be HIT, but you're asking for trouble if you back the wrong person into a corner. No one likes to be backed into a corner and a whole lot of people are definitely going to come out swinging at you if you're ignorant and inconsiderate enough to do so. If you're in a relationship where the other person NEVER cools down enough to talk about something...don't expect that to ever change. Some people NEVER change..they simply get better at putting on an act to placate you.
No, I wouldn't stay in a relationship if my husband or myself could not control our emotions. It saddens me when I hear that a conflict ended in violence. I can't imagine a situation arising that cannot be talked through to a happy median/resolution.
My husband and I do not slap or knuckle dance at all. We have had some intense conversations, some of which made me want to sleep on the sofa. Normally, when we're in a calm state, we apologize to one another and then discuss the matter at hand.
Rule number 2. Women, real women don't hit men and then throw the gender card so the man can't hit them back. Period, done dada. Even if you had it coming, there's NO EXCUSE to hit anyone. Some of these men are clowns, letting women beat on them. Just walk away and call off the relationship, end of story.
Agreed... A real man just walks away and ends the relationship.
If you and your SO are having a VERY heated argument and the other person hits you (as in physically, slapping, closed fist, etc) would you leave them or would you let it slide and overlook it if they apologize
If it happened a 2nd time, would you overlook it again or leave that time?
One time I was in a very short relationship with a guy. Only one month. One day I went over to his apartment and he had a headache or something and he asked me to leave. I was not very smart at the time and started arguing with him instead. Then for some reason I absentmindedly grabbed his cell phone since it was right in front of me. I wasn't even going to turn it on, just was grabbing it for no reason, and just looking at it. He went ballistic and grabbed me and shoved me out the door. That was enough for me.
Later his friend wanted to know why I had left, and if I was coming back, and telling me that this guy missed me and why wasn't I answering his calls, and blah, blah, blah.
If you and your SO are having a VERY heated argument and the other person hits you (as in physically, slapping, closed fist, etc) would you leave them or would you let it slide and overlook it if they apologize
If it happened a 2nd time, would you overlook it again or leave that time?
Mmmm......physical combative contact better have a DAMN good reason(which ain't likely ) or there ain't no going back. For a man to get harshly physical with a woman....by legal definition...is almost a summary death sentence these days.unless there are some awsome extenuating circumstances. Other way around is not as harshly dealt with, usually because it'd not reported as often.
Nevertheless, things get that sideways and blows start landing, if it were my house, your outa here. Lives to short and "I'm so sorry" flies like a side of bacon.
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Not sure he'll approve.... 
