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Old 07-30-2011, 04:33 PM
 
Location: Hawaii
1,589 posts, read 1,290,304 times
Reputation: 2103
Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
it would have been strange to hide them, but then she did the exact opposite, which was talk about them. why would someone even do that? the garage is used by another family too, so i could have just though that the flowers weren't hers. i don't know, maybe she wanted to make me jealous or brag about how someone likes her.

obviously it isn't cheating to see other people if you are not exclusive, but at the same time, i've never had anyone talk about stuff having to do with others they are seeing, especially if not asked. like i wouldn't say, "oh, there's the restaurant i took this woman to last night"

even if you are not exclusive, i have noticed people do not want to know details about their other dates. for example several years ago i had met two women around the same time, so i was seeing them at the same time early on. i took one to a particular restaurant. later that week the other specifically asked to go to the same restaurant as we drove by it. so we did and the stupid waiter asked about the other girl and the girl i was with got mad. even though you aren't exclusive, people most of the time don't want to know what else you've got going on.
Ah, yes, I understand now. I agree with you that it's bad form for her to rub it in your face, if that's what she was doing.

You know, I tend to have a "live and let live" attitude about such things. If she is the right person for you, then it'll all work out in the end. If she meets someone while you are away, or vice versa, then it's just not meant to be. But one thing is certain.. you can't force the issue. Being jealous is rather pointless.
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Old 07-30-2011, 04:44 PM
 
2,142 posts, read 2,334,600 times
Reputation: 1367
Quote:
Originally Posted by boodhabunny View Post
Ah, yes, I understand now. I agree with you that it's bad form for her to rub it in your face, if that's what she was doing.

You know, I tend to have a "live and let live" attitude about such things. If she is the right person for you, then it'll all work out in the end. If she meets someone while you are away, or vice versa, then it's just not meant to be. But one thing is certain.. you can't force the issue. Being jealous is rather pointless.

The more that I think about it, the more I think that she wants me to know others are interested in her. I don't know if it's to rub in my face, because I haven't mentioned similar things to make her react in that way. It could also be that she wants to frame herself as desirable, like this person and that person are into me. The flowers weren't even a part of conversation. So she kind of went out of her way to let me know they were hers. Also, about the wine in the refrigerator, she knew I was looking in the fridge and said something like, "did you see something in there?" I said, "nope". I agree acting jealous isn't going to help. I am a little jealous, because I think that some things have been brought out by her subtlety to make me jealous. I don't fish for info from her though, so I wish she would not mention anything. It pisses me off a little and just makes me think that when I am back in Jan to meet some other women.
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Old 07-30-2011, 04:48 PM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,574 posts, read 3,648,039 times
Reputation: 6077
These statements

Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
It's nothing serious or exclusive
Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
I'm not going to get in a real relationship.
Don't match with these ones.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
it sounds like someone brought her flowers and wine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
I'm jealous now, but won't say anything.

No relationship + not exclusive = none of your business.
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Old 07-30-2011, 04:56 PM
 
2,142 posts, read 2,334,600 times
Reputation: 1367
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobman View Post
These statements




Don't match with these ones.





No relationship + not exclusive = none of your business.

No duh, we've figured that part out. Last post were about how she is offering the info about others. I'm not discussing or asking for info for her. So while it is none of my business, she is bringing stuff up. I've already ignored it in front of her. Now, if something could reasonably bug me, then why go out of her way to mention it? I think it is common knowledge on this forum, that you don't mention how Exs like you while you are seeing someone new. That should be a no brainer.
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Old 07-30-2011, 05:29 PM
 
1,092 posts, read 773,424 times
Reputation: 789
Quote:
Originally Posted by boodhabunny View Post
Ah, yes, I understand now. I agree with you that it's bad form for her to rub it in your face, if that's what she was doing.

You know, I tend to have a "live and let live" attitude about such things. If she is the right person for you, then it'll all work out in the end. If she meets someone while you are away, or vice versa, then it's just not meant to be. But one thing is certain.. you can't force the issue. Being jealous is rather pointless.
This.

Stop getting so attached and go see some other women. Or maybe casually mention how you are seeing other women to her, two can play this game I suppose.

But if she was deliberately rubbing it in your face, it might be either because:
1) she's immature

or

2) she's saying it to make you jealous because hey she actually really likes you and wants you to make it exclusive.

women and men are so strange when it comes to "love"..... you just have to decide if it's worth the mindgames.
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Old 07-30-2011, 06:08 PM
 
2,142 posts, read 2,334,600 times
Reputation: 1367
Quote:
Originally Posted by sydney1987 View Post
This.

Stop getting so attached and go see some other women. Or maybe casually mention how you are seeing other women to her, two can play this game I suppose.

But if she was deliberately rubbing it in your face, it might be either because:
1) she's immature

or

2) she's saying it to make you jealous because hey she actually really likes you and wants you to make it exclusive.

women and men are so strange when it comes to "love"..... you just have to decide if it's worth the mindgames.
I could meet other women, but I think that would be a little tricky. I'll be out of state for 3 months starting the beginning of Oct. So then if I look and am lucky, maybe I will meet someone in 2 weeks. Then I have to tell them I'm leaving in 6 weeks?

When I'm back in Jan, I feel like I will have more of an upper hand. I haven't even tried to meet anyone, but I think if I did, I could meet a few. Then it's a win win for me. I'm not looking to be a player or anything. I have dated enough women, but it is helpful to have some options in the beginning, so I don't have too much at stake for someone I just met.

Funny thing, I don't think either your 1 or 2 options are correct. It could be that it is 3. She's getting ready to let me down easy. If I have a clue she is seeing someone else, then she can phase me out easier. Ok, that's too much thinking.
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Old 07-31-2011, 07:46 AM
 
691 posts, read 455,242 times
Reputation: 871
Sounds like both of you are kinda playing immature games.
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Old 07-31-2011, 09:14 AM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,574 posts, read 3,648,039 times
Reputation: 6077
If you're not exclusive, and not in a relationship, then I'm afraid she can do what she wants.

When I say it's none of your business, I mean that she can bring up as many ex's as she likes, she can see as many other guys as she wants, hell, she could even tell you about them and rub it in your face.
"not exclusive" is the key phrase.

"Rules" don't apply to FWB, which is all you are at the moment. If you want a relationship, then commit.
If not, then see her until you leave, or dump her now, and quit your whinin'!


Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
No duh, we've figured that part out. Last post were about how she is offering the info about others. I'm not discussing or asking for info for her. So while it is none of my business, she is bringing stuff up. I've already ignored it in front of her. Now, if something could reasonably bug me, then why go out of her way to mention it? I think it is common knowledge on this forum, that you don't mention how Exs like you while you are seeing someone new. That should be a no brainer.
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Old 08-01-2011, 09:38 AM
 
4,900 posts, read 2,523,569 times
Reputation: 2447
Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
I've been seeing this girl for about a month. It's nothing serious or exclusive, but I like her. I was over at her place last night and there was a vase of flowers in her garage. I only sort of noticed because it was on the garage floor. They were some daisy like flowers. And then there was a bottle of wine in a bag in the fridge. She doesn't really drink.

Without asking, she said she had flowers in her room, but they gave her alergies, so she put them in the garage. I didn't comment on it at all or the wine. But it sounds like someone brought her flowers and wine. I'm jealous now, but won't say anything. At least the plant I got her for her new place has always been in her livingroom and the flowers are in the garage. I hate being jealous, but I can't say anything about it. I'll be out of state for 3 months, 2 months from now, so I'm not going to get in a real relationship. Do you think she should have hid the flowers and not said anything? I think anyone would be a little jealous.
Something like that happened to me before…

…I was going out with this girl who one day had a Tiffany bag with her when we met after work. A guy from work gave it to her. I could have given up right there thinking that I couldn’t compete against a guy who would spend that kind of money on her. Didn’t stop me at all. I did not put myself down just because I didn’t spend lavishly on her. We continued going out until we became bf/gf. She had a guy or two that would take her to these expensive luxurious restaurants, drive elegant sporty cars, etc. My business was barely taking off. Still, I wouldn’t feel intimidated by the other guys. At the end she ended up liking me more than the other guys who spent lavishly on her. This was in Japan.

Hey man, just continue to be her friend. So what if she has guys going after her, the same can happen to you even if you only like her. If you have what she likes in a guy she will chose to be with you regardless of receiving flowers every single day and vice versa.
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Old 08-01-2011, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Heart of Dixie
1,298 posts, read 957,681 times
Reputation: 1539
I wouldn't say a word. About the flowers or the being apart, make sure she knows you're going to be gone and that you'd like to call, text/email when you can, and the day after you leave, arrange a day at the spa or something with a card that reads " miss you already"....

I wouldn't ask questions about the flowers...especially if you're not exclusive, really not your business...but, my opinion on them is this...if a guy sent her flowers, she doesn't know him that well, or he'd know she was allergic, family would know this and close friends would know... play it cool and counter act...
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