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Old 08-04-2011, 09:29 AM
 
2,152 posts, read 3,396,604 times
Reputation: 1695

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Free Beer View Post
If you're confused it means she's not interested. Period. A girl who is interested will go out of her way for you, this one didn't. Do I know what women want or think? Hell no, but I understand this simple fact of human psychology. Why do so many dudes not get it?
i get it, i just dont understand why ur gonna send me a message after not talking.
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Old 08-04-2011, 09:30 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,682,985 times
Reputation: 42769
Quote:
Originally Posted by howdydoody342 View Post

well i did, i didnt say anything to her for a month a half and then she initiated the contact again. And I dont think i came off desperate. I didnt go into the city soley to see her, it was more of me being there and seeing what she was up to.
Everybody has busy times, and sometimes short notice doesn't work out, but if she really wanted to see you, she probably would have said something like, "Dang, Saturday won't work for me. Could you come Sunday instead?" Or even something less direct and more hinting, like, "My cousins are in town this weekend and I can't get away. Too bad you aren't coming next weekend instead."

The woman you're dealing with is likely either stringing you along because it feeds her ego, or she's making harmless-but-insincere "Let's do lunch" small talk.
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Old 08-04-2011, 09:36 AM
 
2,152 posts, read 3,396,604 times
Reputation: 1695
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Everybody has busy times, and sometimes short notice doesn't work out, but if she really wanted to see you, she probably would have said something like, "Dang, Saturday won't work for me. Could you come Sunday instead?" Or even something less direct and more hinting, like, "My cousins are in town this weekend and I can't get away. Too bad you aren't coming next weekend instead."

The woman you're dealing with is likely either stringing you along because it feeds her ego, or she's making harmless-but-insincere "Let's do lunch" small talk.
so do you think i should back off completely.
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Old 08-04-2011, 09:40 AM
 
Location: Houston
529 posts, read 1,300,637 times
Reputation: 374
I don't have any suggestions because it's happening to me too right now. It can be all what you think and more, maybe she was seeing someone else at the moment, didn't work out and now she's trying with you?
Just let her know you are open to get together and she should decide when.
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Old 08-04-2011, 09:45 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,682,985 times
Reputation: 42769
Quote:
Originally Posted by howdydoody342 View Post
so do you think i should back off completely.
Keeping your options open with her doesn't cost anything as long as you don't hang any hopes on it or allow it to affect your self-esteem or make you angry. If you can realistically keep an attitude of, "Hey, if we get together, great; if not, oh well," and be honest with yourself, then I see nothing wrong with trying to meet up again. But if she is toying with you after all and that makes you resentful and unhappy, then no, it's not worth it. It's like putting a quarter in a slot machine. Maybe you have better things to do with your time and money. Or maybe it's just a quarter and who cares.

If you want to step it up a little, you might tell her, "Sorry we missed each other last time. I have to go back to the city to take care of a few things. Let me know when you are free and I'll stop by."
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Old 08-04-2011, 09:46 AM
 
2,152 posts, read 3,396,604 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elikhom View Post
I don't have any suggestions because it's happening to me too right now. It can be all what you think and more, maybe she was seeing someone else at the moment, didn't work out and now she's trying with you?
Just let her know you are open to get together and she should decide when.
yeah its confusing. The thing that makes the situation tricky is that i had relationship with her in college. We also broke it off because among other things I felt that she was way too clingy to me. She wanted to spend every minute of the day together and I wanted my personal space at times.
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Old 08-04-2011, 09:48 AM
 
2,152 posts, read 3,396,604 times
Reputation: 1695
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Keeping your options open with her doesn't cost anything as long as you don't hang any hopes on it or allow it to affect your self-esteem or make you angry. If you can realistically keep an attitude of, "Hey, if we get together, great; if not, oh well," and be honest with yourself, then I see nothing wrong with trying to meet up again. But if she is toying with you after all and that makes you resentful and unhappy, then no, it's not worth it. It's like putting a quarter in a slot machine. Maybe you have better things to do with your time and money. Or maybe it's just a quarter and who cares.

If you want to step it up a little, you might tell her, "Sorry we missed each other last time. I have to go back to the city to take care of a few things. Let me know when you are free and I'll stop by."
sounds good, thanks for the advice
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Old 08-04-2011, 10:09 AM
 
Location: USA
31,003 posts, read 22,045,160 times
Reputation: 19060
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Keeping your options open with her doesn't cost anything as long as you don't hang any hopes on it or allow it to affect your self-esteem or make you angry. If you can realistically keep an attitude of, "Hey, if we get together, great; if not, oh well," and be honest with yourself, then I see nothing wrong with trying to meet up again. But if she is toying with you after all and that makes you resentful and unhappy, then no, it's not worth it. It's like putting a quarter in a slot machine. Maybe you have better things to do with your time and money. Or maybe it's just a quarter and who cares.

If you want to step it up a little, you might tell her, "Sorry we missed each other last time. I have to go back to the city to take care of a few things. Let me know when you are free and I'll stop by."
Great advice!
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Old 08-04-2011, 10:18 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
819 posts, read 1,129,400 times
Reputation: 1279
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
It's like putting a quarter in a slot machine. Maybe you have better things to do with your time and money. Or maybe it's just a quarter and who cares.
This is a good analogy because a lot of guys, especially posters in this forum, act like they only have two bits to their name. You're right, it's only one coin, so you toss it into the machine and if you don't win, who cares? Try again. There's about zero investment in asking a girl out. If she says no, you have wasted, what, 5 minutes of your time? From my experience for every girl that will go out with you, at least 20 won't. If you're not willing to spend a few bucks in quarters to get those dates, you're going to feel like every single one who demonstrates a shred of interest in you is your "last chance". Relationships, now those are like high stakes poker games, but you're not going to be invited to the table if you're unwilling to play the slots for a while.
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Old 08-04-2011, 07:38 PM
 
13,511 posts, read 19,270,967 times
Reputation: 16580
I don't get it howdydoody342...first she was too clingy, and now she's not responsive enough??....
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