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Old 08-05-2011, 04:24 AM
 
2,683 posts, read 5,763,213 times
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In the past, I have had a tendency to ruin potential relationships possibly because I was coming across as too clingy. I was wondering what is the point at which someone would be considered clingy? Its hard to avoid when I really like someone. How much is too often to send a text message, email, or call someone? On the flip side, I heard and experienced that not giving the person of interest enough attention or playing "hard to get" can cause them to lose interest as well, especially one that has options. What are your thoughts?
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Old 08-05-2011, 07:07 AM
 
921 posts, read 935,383 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SEAandATL View Post
In the past, I have had a tendency to ruin potential relationships possibly because I was coming across as too clingy. I was wondering what is the point at which someone would be considered clingy? Its hard to avoid when I really like someone. How much is too often to send a text message, email, or call someone? On the flip side, I heard and experienced that not giving the person of interest enough attention or playing "hard to get" can cause them to lose interest as well, especially one that has options. What are your thoughts?
Everyone has a different level of cling tolerance, so a general rule may be a little hard to pin down. Can you give an example of how things usually progress for you?

IME you might watch for how often they reach out to you vs. how often you reach out to them. Try to match what they do, or do a little bit less. When they start reaching out less often, pull back a little. When they reach out more often, do likewise.

Playing hard to get doesn't make them lose interest. It indicates that you're not interested in them. They usually stop pursuing you, because who wants to bang their head against some bugger's wall? If you are interested, show it. Just don't go overboard and act like a slobbering puppy.

It also helps if when you call, you call them to make plans to do something instead of calling just to talk or calling "just to say hi". The latter two seem more desperate for attention.
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Old 08-05-2011, 08:58 AM
 
356 posts, read 373,380 times
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I agree with RockJock - match thier communication or less. Show interest in the beginning but I wouldn't just give it all up right away. Make the SO work for it a little - a little bit of mystery in the beginning can go a long way

Good Luck!
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Old 08-05-2011, 09:05 AM
 
550 posts, read 205,739 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SEAandATL View Post
In the past, I have had a tendency to ruin potential relationships possibly because I was coming across as too clingy. I was wondering what is the point at which someone would be considered clingy? Its hard to avoid when I really like someone. How much is too often to send a text message, email, or call someone? On the flip side, I heard and experienced that not giving the person of interest enough attention or playing "hard to get" can cause them to lose interest as well, especially one that has options. What are your thoughts?
Here's some advice. If you're the clingy type, find someone else who is clingy. That way neither of you will feel smothered. A lot of women these days seem to be looking for the next best thing to boost their social status. If she's more concerned with getting ahead, relationships will be the last thing on her mind.
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Old 08-05-2011, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Heart of Dixie
1,298 posts, read 1,091,337 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockjock1729 View Post
everyone has a different level of cling tolerance, so a general rule may be a little hard to pin down. Can you give an example of how things usually progress for you?

Ime you might watch for how often they reach out to you vs. How often you reach out to them. Try to match what they do, or do a little bit less. When they start reaching out less often, pull back a little. When they reach out more often, do likewise.

Playing hard to get doesn't make them lose interest. It indicates that you're not interested in them. They usually stop pursuing you, because who wants to bang their head against some bugger's wall? If you are interested, show it. Just don't go overboard and act like a slobbering puppy.

It also helps if when you call, you call them to make plans to do something instead of calling just to talk or calling "just to say hi". The latter two seem more desperate for attention.

this.
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Old 08-05-2011, 02:19 PM
 
4,876 posts, read 3,307,085 times
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Sometimes "clingy" can just be a pejorative word for the more-positive and upbeat "overly affectionate". Some ppl like "super-affectionate" behavior. Others dislike "clingy / needy" behavior. But they are different words for the same thing, IMO. It's all good though...different strokes for different folks

I also agree with 80skid's and RockJock's posts
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Old 08-05-2011, 02:21 PM
 
1,469 posts, read 2,421,563 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SEAandATL View Post
In the past, I have had a tendency to ruin potential relationships possibly because I was coming across as too clingy. I was wondering what is the point at which someone would be considered clingy? Its hard to avoid when I really like someone. How much is too often to send a text message, email, or call someone? On the flip side, I heard and experienced that not giving the person of interest enough attention or playing "hard to get" can cause them to lose interest as well, especially one that has options. What are your thoughts?
Just keep being yourself and someone will like you for it... maybe mpmh
Also you might want to work on being more observant. You should be able to read between the lines to see if you are getting on someone's nerves or if you are making someone's day.
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Old 08-05-2011, 02:29 PM
 
1,756 posts, read 1,383,156 times
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I hear ya....
I can either be distant or clingy, I don't know which one's worst.
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Old 08-05-2011, 08:43 PM
 
9,717 posts, read 7,035,267 times
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I think texting is an abomination...don't text, don't phone, and don't e-mail....if the one you're interested in feels rejected by that, without contacting you in person...then I don't trully believe the interest was that strong to begin with.Wanting and establishing a more personable relationship with someone you can actually see and touch makes for a good relationship....you can't play head games when you're staring someone in the face
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Old 08-05-2011, 10:27 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
1,786 posts, read 1,377,661 times
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Knight is right... clingy can mean different things to different people... again it's all in the individual's perspective.

I have two good examples what I feel is "clingy"...
1- I was asked, "How often can we see each other?".. not a bad question further on in a relationship but after the 2nd week (3rd date)... Geez
2- the final thing that ended the dating... just showing up without calling first. 4th time we saw each other...

Too fast.. we were just in a "get to know you" stage.

I definitely didn't have anything else going on believe me but I was spending dinner with my daughter and a few friends of hers and it would have been nice to call to see if I was free.

If it's someone you want to have a long relationship with... take it slow and show interest YES.. be respectful because you don't always know everything that is going on in her life.

Now remember that might just be me... confusing aren't we... LOL
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