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I apologize and by no means did I mean to say that (just like some people "slip" and say the u know what word when referring to gays and Blacks. It slipped). It was just an expression of frustration being in a city where more than 75% of the population is either White or Latino/Hispanic but yet it seems like very few have an interest outside of that.
I have friends of many nationalities and colours, gay and straight. I wouldn't however want to have any kind of relationship with anyone who 'slipped' and made racist comments as this surely implies that the rest of the time you suppress your racist thoughts.
I also couldn't stand to spend time with someone who says 'I want me a....." anything.....but thats another story.
I may not be the best person to impart some wisdom, but here it goes. Let's set aside race for a moment.
CruisingUSA - many years ago I lived in the DC area. It was a meat market extraordinaire whenever I would go out with friends to a bar. I thought the whole dating scene and the "meat market" aspect of it as demeaning and as demoralizing as it could get .. for me that is. I couldn't find people I wanted to socialize with let alone anyone I wanted to date.
Since I am one of those people who enjoys being alone, I weighed my options. Well, I had two main interests that I wanted to pursue .. mine happened to be getting back into horseback riding. Which I did. I did so well that I was training other people’s horses and riding competitively within 1 year. I loved what I was doing, met some great people, and between that and work, I had no time to think about my social life ... I was perfectly happy with my life as it was. Within 3-months, I met my future husband .... :-)
So my point is, maybe you are looking in the wrong places to meet people. Do you have a particular interest? Or want to pursue a hobby? It doesn't have to cost anything. Volunteering is also a way to meet people and generally people you would never meet at a bar or similar establishments. Now, I volunteer while working a full time job and it is rewarding beyond words. Plus, the people you meet are wonderful.
OK, so you mention athletic...Denver happens to be one of the most outdoorsy, athletic and sports-minded cities on the map. Not to belabor the earlier point, but what are you doing to put yourself in an environment where you could meet eligible, athletic types? Maybe there is a meetup-type hiking / biking / mountaineering / running club for people looking for same-sex relationships?
Hey, thanks man for the suggestion.
But however, that is a myth. These guys in Denver are not all that athletic. I've met more juicehead, pumped up buff guys in Miami than Denver. Even worse, most of the gay men in Denver are NOT athletic. I tend to come across the fattys or the skinny twinkie types. Most of these ******s don't even be hitting the gym harder than me. Or if they do...it's the typical frat boy athletic White guys and you know they don't be trying to meet up with a bunch of Black people. Most of the gay guys here in fact will specifically say they are only into other White guys.
For all the hiking and outdoorsy stuff that it plays itself out to be...I should be meeting men with 6 packs and bulging biceps all the time. But I don't. Sometimes I do though...don't get me wrong.
I am on a meetup.com team already. It says 'gay/lesbian' welcome, but 99% of the people on the team are straight! There's only 2 gay people on the team. Me and another person. And then, when I have attempted to invite guys to come along, they never show up.
I'm doing what I can to meet guys but at the same time I should still have a certain percentage of luck online and clubs. Most all gay guys who play sports, and do all the stuff and activities you mentioned are online or in the bar. It's not that they are not there.
I was talking to a friend last night...I told him, when I first moved to Denver I was the new Black guy in town and I was meeting guys online and in the bars all the time for like the first month or so.
But once I met all those guys that had an interest in Black guys...suddenly I wasn't able to meet much of anyone. And 8 months later I still can't really meet anyone for something outside of a hookup here. I've taken the time to respond to profiles online and just about every time it doesn't lead up to meeting much less get a response.
It's like I know it's all about race here. A lot of these White and Spanish people out here can't be bothered to surround themselves with me because there isn't enough Black people out here to really know how to relate to them, or so they think. Yet I see them later and they have plenty of time to mingle around each other.
That's prejudice to me...
Last edited by CruisingUSA; 08-13-2011 at 04:15 PM..
If you honestly believe that people should see you as "number one" and they don't because of where you live, then just move.
Certainly, people will see you "for who you are" in other places, unless....it's not about race at all.
It sounds to me like you're bitter, and need a change. But, as my grandmother always said, "remember, the grass isn't always greener".
If you view rejection as a racial issue, then it will be so. You will never be content. And, frankly, that's not the world's problem, no matter how "hot" you think you are.
People go out with who they want to go out with. I DARE someone accuse me of being "racist" because I choose to date certain types. I consider that my own prerogative. Period.
However, with that being said, maybe you would be more comfortable in a place that is more diverse? Take personal responsibility, and move to a place where you would be more comfortable.
If you honestly believe that people should see you as "number one" and they don't because of where you live, then just move.
Certainly, people will see you "for who you are" in other places, unless....it's not about race at all.
It sounds to me like you're bitter, and need a change. But, as my grandmother always said, "remember, the grass isn't always greener".
If you view rejection as a racial issue, then it will be so. You will never be content. And, frankly, that's not the world's problem, no matter how "hot" you think you are.
People go out with who they want to go out with. I DARE someone accuse me of being "racist" because I choose to date certain types. I consider that my own prerogative. Period.
However, with that being said, maybe you would be more comfortable in a place that is more diverse? Take personal responsibility, and move to a place where you would be more comfortable.
It's not about being number 1. Its not about seeing people as racists. It's about being able to have the same opportunities dating wise as the general population. And in Denver the general population is White and Hispanic. But I don't have the same access as they do when it comes to finding compatible people.
For example, Mr. White frat boy Bobby may have 10 guys to choose from in a particular section. But me being similar in stature and physique may only be able to choose from 1...if even that among the same group. I see it all the time. I go out to a bar or club and notice the attractive White or Hispanic guys in Denver that show up alone usually end up finding someone at some point in the night. MEANWHILE...I go home alone. Or it's always some absolutely hideous White or Hispanic person that keeps STARING me down all night. What the ****?
It doesn't mean that I need to be in a place that has more Black people and in my experience that doesn't always make things better either. However there's probably a better chance places like D.C., Atlanta, and Detroit because they see Black people more often...probably are more interested than they would be in Denver. But I used to live in Dallas, TX and it was almost always the other Black guys who wanted to date me. During the whole time there I only ended up dating 1 White/Hispanic guy and he was Italian.
From what people both Black and White have told me, places like Scandinavia and western Europe are equal opportunity countries. And Toronto.
I am experimenting with other cities at the moment outside of Denver and am already finding my options to be looking more promising than the TRASH I been getting out in this dump.
Last edited by CruisingUSA; 08-13-2011 at 04:51 PM..
It's not about being number 1. Its not about seeing people as racists. It's about being able to have the same opportunities dating wise as the general population. And in Denver the general population is White and Hispanic. But I don't have the same access as they do when it comes to finding compatible people.
For example, Mr. White frat boy Bobby may have 10 guys to choose from in a particular section. But me being similar in stature and physique may only be able to choose from 1...if even that among the same group. I see it all the time. I go out to a bar or club and notice the attractive White or Hispanic guys in Denver that show up alone usually end up finding someone at some point in the night. MEANWHILE...I go home alone. Or it's always some absolutely hideous White or Hispanic person that keeps STARING me down all night. What the ****?
First off, you need to stop thinking of dating like it's an equal opportunity thing. It's NOT. And guess, what? You aren't unique. Dating is never equal opportunity--not for any group of people out there. Some people don't get picked as often because of their height, their weight, their facial features, their race, their intelligence, their social skills--you name it and someone will claim they've been excluded because of it. We all pick and choose what is desirable to us--just as you do. You've said here that you put a lot of stock in stature and physique. Those things are just as shallow and superficial as race, yet you care about them and somehow think everyone else should be labeled as racist for basically doing the exact same thing you are. A man expresses interest and you label him "hideous."
So #1, you need to get off your high horse. And then you may need to consider that it's your personality that turns people off, because reading a whiner who complains the super-hot guys don't want him while calling other men "hideous" comes across as pretty full of himself. Never attractive.
Second, quit looking at dating as having men to choose from like a meat market, or having "access" or "opportunities." We all want the most desirable mate we're able to attract, in whatever terms we determine "desirable" to be. It is what it is. You can think you're God's gift and they can say, "Yeah, not doing a thing for me, sorry." If you're not able to attract what you want, you can be bitter and petulant about it, or learn to be happy with what you can attract. Or, move somewhere new and see if you have any more luck. If you've tried this in other cities and you're still low on the commodities market? Take the hint and stop thinking you should be standing like royalty in the middle of the room choosing which of your subjects you would deign to date. The attitude is off-putting.
From what people both Black and White have told me, places like Scandinavia and western Europe are equal opportunity countries. And Toronto.
Oh, yes, the meccas of equality.
Honey, honestly, you really need to get rid of this chip on your shoulder. If nothing else, it's got to be like a neon sign when you go out.
Aside from your race, you're completely approachable, right? You are the perfect specimen in every way. People should ADORE you for who you are, correct? You are happy to speak to everyone, in every situation.
See, this is what people fail to understand. Race is what it is, just like height, weight, religion, or whatever would attract you to a potential partner.
I've got my own standards of what I am attracted to, and if I were to list them here, I'd be labelled a racist and just about every other "ist" in the English language in a heartbeat. But, yes, it sounds like you need to be in a more diverse area. If you're looking for one more diverse than Denver, I personally wouldn't be looking in the PNW. Aside from the bleeding hearts, you won't find many people cowtowing to the "racial card" here. People like who they like, period. And, to expect them to change these ideas, simply because you're black, is ludicrous.
Maybe try New York as well? There's lots of diversity there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CruisingUSA
I am experimenting with other cities at the moment outside of Denver and am already finding my options to be looking more promising than the TRASH I been getting out in this dump.
First off, you need to stop thinking of dating like it's an equal opportunity thing. It's NOT. And guess, what? You aren't unique. Dating is never equal opportunity--not for any group of people out there.
It should be an equal opportunity thing when it comes to race. Why would I continue to stay in a place where I have significantly less interest than White or Spanish people? That don't even make any sense to keep staying in a place where I have very little chance of dating as a Black person. Why would I want to struggle and fight to fit in someplace when I know damn well I can just leave and go someplace else? Why suffer like that?
Look...I am not looking at men as objects or meat markets. I'm just saying that if my White friend can go someplace and easily find another White person to date, I shouldn't be the one to have to sit on the sidelines and watch them have all the fun. Or, if I'm dating a White or Hispanic person and they can't commit to doing anything with me because they have more options available than I have here and I just have to deal with the few crumbs that come my way.
I had that issue in San Antonio and I left there. Mostly Mexicans out there. I had a friend who would talk down about Black people around me and he couldn't stand it when I found a decent Mexican guy to date. He'd do anything he could to make me believe that a guy was not interested in me unless they were Black.
I am on several gay sites for gay people. And I have attempted to email guys to make something happen and they may respond once or twice...some even have the audacity to chat for weeks, one guy; 2 months...but they never want to meet up.
Or my profile sits there for months amongst all the White and Hispanic people on the site with no responses. I have asked 2 White people here, "how do you like such and such site?" They say they love it and have met dates from it...yet all I've met is nutjobs and chocolate chasers. That's why I know it's something about race. That's what I'm referring to as equal opportunity.
How can you expect me to remove this chip on my shoulder when it's CLEAR that no matter what effort I put into trying to meet people here, it doesn't matter because I'll be last pick, or backup pick because I'm outnumbered by their race in a place that's pretty ignorant as it is about Black people to begin with.
"I'm not normally attracted to Black guys but you're hot"....What the hell does that mean? That let's me know right there why I'm dealing with the **** I'm dealing with. And that should let you know why I keep bitching about it.
Last edited by CruisingUSA; 08-13-2011 at 05:38 PM..
Try and mix it up city wise.... LA or Chicago... ATL is good too, lots of black folks in those cities.
I have a sneaking suspicion that race doesn't have all that much to do with it though....
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