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Old 08-10-2011, 06:12 AM
 
160 posts, read 294,720 times
Reputation: 76

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MIKEETC View Post
He realized he made a mistake. Or he planned this all along and he accomplished what he set out to do and has no need for you anymore.

[no confusion - that was easy...]
I mean, I guess anything is possible. But, I've known him for a long time and I've never seen him treat a woman like that (hit it and quit it). He tends to become attached to the women he sleeps with. He's a nice guy. So I'm thinking it's def the guilt thing, bc that makes sense along with his "nice guy" somewhat tenderhearted persona.

 
Old 08-10-2011, 06:14 AM
 
160 posts, read 294,720 times
Reputation: 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by victorhe33 View Post
you would have been better off breaking your current relationship off first. To be honest I don't think a relationship between you and him is going to happen. A guy will always contact a girl that hes interested in (in a relationship, not just sex). If he is interested, then he's holding back due to his guilt. That means even if he gets together with u, the guilt will get to him. I don't see it working out. Sorry.
Yeah, I pretty much agree. I think I'm getting it, that he feels really guilty so it can never be, and that's fine. It's just that I tried to stop it between us a few weeks back and he kept pursuing it. I guess I don't get why, if he feels so guilty, did he keep pursing? I mean, I guess it doesn't matter at this point, but I'd really like to know.
 
Old 08-10-2011, 06:29 AM
 
24,488 posts, read 41,062,294 times
Reputation: 12919
Who's going to tell your bf first? You or his best friend? Either way, you should just move out today. It's not fair to stay there after your actions.
 
Old 08-10-2011, 06:31 AM
 
160 posts, read 294,720 times
Reputation: 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by NJBest View Post
Who's going to tell your bf first? You or his best friend? Either way, you should just move out today. It's not fair to stay there after your actions.
Neither of us are going to tell him. The best friend has sworn me to secrecy, which is fine by me. There's no point in hurting my bf after the fact, esp. if it's over with the friend and I now.

I agree with you about moving out, I'm trying to do that right now.
 
Old 08-10-2011, 06:38 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,883 posts, read 30,181,434 times
Reputation: 19077
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunshineFlower View Post
After knowing my boyfriend's best friend for 5 years, we began having feelings for one another. Last weekend, we finally hooked up. His friend he has been telling me he has "hardcore" feelings for me for a while.

The thing is, after the hookup this weekend, I haven't heard a peep from him. I don't know what I should do. Should I try to initiate contact with him? I feel that if I don't get things talked out between us (whatever the solution is), I might just explode. Any reasons why I've been suddenly frozen out?

As far as my bf is concerned, I'm almost out the door in that relationship and I've told him so.
you should drop the boyfriends all of them, and become self sufficent...you should also take some counciling on moral behavior...and be counseled on how to respect yourself...b/c if you don't respect yourself, you'll never be loyal to or respect anyone else....your sole purpose in life is NOT to have a boyfriend, and latch onto someone to be taken care of b/c you were taught, you need to be married to be successful. IN order for you to go thru life, without hurting anyone any more, is to learn to be independent and self supporting, get some education, a job, and take care of yourself first...along with learning how to take care of yourself comes respect for one's self...and up to this point, you don't have a clue of what I'm talking about, b/c you were not taught, that boyfriends are not a priority in life...getting yourself on the right foot is....YOU DON't ever cheat on someone, you leave them first...and if you feel what you did, to another person is right, regardless of how unhappy you are, you don't jump in and out of bed with this one and that one, b/c you think they are a better catch...period. Your using them...and if your boyfriend is so bad, then it's your fault, not his, and you've got to figure out, why in the world you choose someone who would treat you with so little care, and respect...if you don't respect yourself, no one else can, and your choices will always be less then you deserve...but he is your choice...for the time being, until something better came along, right?
 
Old 08-10-2011, 06:53 AM
 
160 posts, read 294,720 times
Reputation: 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
you should drop the boyfriends all of them, and become self sufficent...you should also take some counciling on moral behavior...and be counseled on how to respect yourself...b/c if you don't respect yourself, you'll never be loyal to or respect anyone else....your sole purpose in life is NOT to have a boyfriend, and latch onto someone to be taken care of b/c you were taught, you need to be married to be successful. IN order for you to go thru life, without hurting anyone any more, is to learn to be independent and self supporting, get some education, a job, and take care of yourself first...along with learning how to take care of yourself comes respect for one's self...and up to this point, you don't have a clue of what I'm talking about, b/c you were not taught, that boyfriends are not a priority in life...getting yourself on the right foot is....YOU DON't ever cheat on someone, you leave them first...and if you feel what you did, to another person is right, regardless of how unhappy you are, you don't jump in and out of bed with this one and that one, b/c you think they are a better catch...period. Your using them...and if your boyfriend is so bad, then it's your fault, not his, and you've got to figure out, why in the world you choose someone who would treat you with so little care, and respect...if you don't respect yourself, no one else can, and your choices will always be less then you deserve...but he is your choice...for the time being, until something better came along, right?
You're certainly entitled to your opinion, but it isn't like what you're saying. Before I moved in with my bf, I had my own place, no roommates and lived on my own and paid all of my own bills. I am self-sufficient. I lost my job a few months back and just recently obtained a new one. In losing my job, I drained my savings, so it's taken me a while to get back on my feet.

If you're talking about being self-sufficient in an emotional way, like I said, I've been on my own plenty. I'm not trying to jump into a relationship because the relationship I have is ending. I was considering the relationship with the friend because I have deep feelings for him that are rooted in friendship and go back a long ways.
 
Old 08-10-2011, 06:55 AM
 
24,488 posts, read 41,062,294 times
Reputation: 12919
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunshineFlower View Post
Neither of us are going to tell him. The best friend has sworn me to secrecy, which is fine by me. There's no point in hurting my bf after the fact, esp. if it's over with the friend and I now.

I agree with you about moving out, I'm trying to do that right now.
If neither of you tell him, then it shows you both don't care about him. You'll lead him on to thinking that you two are trustworthy, when you really are not. That's really sad and says a lot about your character.

Wouldn't you want to know if a friend of yours cannot be trusted? It's only fair. If you make a mistake, fess up. Don't cover it up and move forward based on fictional trust and lies.
 
Old 08-10-2011, 06:55 AM
 
Location: Portland, OR
8,802 posts, read 8,881,188 times
Reputation: 4512
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunshineFlower View Post
After knowing my boyfriend's best friend for 5 years, we began having feelings for one another. Last weekend, we finally hooked up. His friend he has been telling me he has "hardcore" feelings for me for a while.

The thing is, after the hookup this weekend, I haven't heard a peep from him. I don't know what I should do. Should I try to initiate contact with him? I feel that if I don't get things talked out between us (whatever the solution is), I might just explode. Any reasons why I've been suddenly frozen out?

As far as my bf is concerned, I'm almost out the door in that relationship and I've told him so.
What a rotten thing to do to two best friends.
 
Old 08-10-2011, 06:59 AM
 
160 posts, read 294,720 times
Reputation: 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by NJBest View Post
If neither of you tell him, then it shows you both don't care about him. You'll lead him on to thinking that you two are trustworthy, when you really are not. That's really sad and says a lot about your character.

Wouldn't you want to know if a friend of yours cannot be trusted? It's only fair.
The thing is this: I'm out either way. I'm leaving. So, I could tell him the truth and then say peace. And then what? He's left with the mess, and the hurt and the betrayal of his friend. Why would I do that to him? If his friend decides to tell him, that's on his friend. But I'm not going to tell him, I think that would be incredibly unfair.

I guess it would be one thing if I were staying with him. Then it's something we would need to try to work through if possible. But since I'm not, telling him doesn't seem like it would help anything. I'm not going to wreck their friendship and then just leave. Like I said, if the friend decides to tell, then that's on his friend.
 
Old 08-10-2011, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,883 posts, read 30,181,434 times
Reputation: 19077
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunshineFlower View Post
You're certainly entitled to your opinion, but it isn't like what you're saying. Before I moved in with my bf, I had my own place, no roommates and lived on my own and paid all of my own bills. I am self-sufficient. I lost my job a few months back and just recently obtained a new one. In losing my job, I drained my savings, so it's taken me a while to get back on my feet.

If you're talking about being self-sufficient in an emotional way, like I said, I've been on my own plenty. I'm not trying to jump into a relationship because the relationship I have is ending. I was considering the relationship with the friend because I have deep feelings for him that are rooted in friendship and go back a long ways.
regardless of what you say, if you were living with your boyfriend and you slept with his best friend, well, let me tell you, that is soooo wrong...and if I were his best friend, I wouldn't give you another look b/c chances are, you'll do it to him someday. A cheater is not a very good title to aquaire...and no matter how bad things are, you don't sleep with someone else...you leave first, get yourself straightened out, but you don't cheat...period.

You in your cheating, affected someone else's life in a negative way...and when you do that, it's going to come back to haunt you someday....when you hurt people like that, you will be hurt...and it's all by your own choice...

You didn't think of anyone else but yourself when you crawled into bed with this other man...and what you did is wrong...

Your confused? Quite frankly, you should feel overwhemingly embarrassed and sorry for hurting someone else in this way...

You need to go to counseling and figure out why you think so little of yourself....instead of making excuses for what you did...b/c if you don't find out why you have so little respect for yourself, you'll do it again and again...what did you think you'd accomplish by doing this? We're humans, we all do things for many reasons, however, most of the time, it's for our own personal gains....and obviously you didn't stop and think about anyone else but yourself when you did this.

I can't help but ask myself, what kind of people are you? Because a friend never crosses that line and sleeps with his friends girl, or a girl with her friends man...it's just not done...it's an unspoken vow to oneself...to do this, is dispicable...and so wrong...there is no excuse for this....and that's what you don't even get...or understand...I guess b/c it's all about you? You were not even embarrassed to put this on line...I would be mortified if I did this to someone....so much so, that I wouldn't want anyone to know I did such an awful thing.
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