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Old 08-10-2011, 10:12 PM
1,090 posts, read 1,259,252 times
Reputation: 800


I have to talk to someone soon and sort of end things... I could just ignore him as I had initially planned. However that's certainly not nice of me.

If I tell him a reason it's going to make him feel bad. If I don't tell him a reason, he's probably going to ask.

My plan is to just say I'm very busy with grad school. It's a tough program which he already knows. I'll say I probably don't have time to keep in touch and I've enjoyed getting to know him but it probably can't continue any longer. And maybe I'll talk to him over winter break.

...I have a legit reason why I don't think we would be a good fit for each other long term... but I don't know if I should say it. To him.
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Old 08-10-2011, 10:28 PM
12,673 posts, read 17,843,444 times
Reputation: 2576
Tell him you are gay?
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Old 08-10-2011, 10:29 PM
Location: Conservative Las Vegas
14,358 posts, read 15,443,360 times
Reputation: 18880
If he's intelligent, intuitive, he may surprise you if you go the indirect route, which I ususually take, and beat you to the punch. Let's hope so!

If he's not, and he thinks very highly of himself, you may not have any other choice but directness. But that may not end it, if he suggests he's willing to pay for a counselor to see what can be done to preserve the relationship.

That's my worst fear, when you know even seeing a counselor could be an exercise in futility, that the counselor word comes up!

Last edited by tijlover; 08-10-2011 at 10:30 PM.. Reason: edit
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Old 08-10-2011, 10:34 PM
Location: The Present
2,008 posts, read 2,976,402 times
Reputation: 1903
you could tell him you have herpes


be a big girl and just say "hey this isn't working out"
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Old 08-10-2011, 10:37 PM
531 posts, read 421,042 times
Reputation: 1275
Hmmm.....the nicest way. Oh, I got it!

Tell him that although you realize he is extremly handsome, super intelligent and has a dazzling personality to end all personalities, you're just afraid he obviously deserves the best but at this particular time, due to circumstances beyond your control, you cannot be the one-of-a kind woman that he so richly deserves.

And should that fail and he gives you the "huh" look, just tell him to get lost.
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Old 08-10-2011, 10:56 PM
Location: Southern California
15,053 posts, read 13,983,085 times
Reputation: 10157
Say, "This isn't going to work out."
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Old 08-10-2011, 11:16 PM
8,680 posts, read 10,830,510 times
Reputation: 15126
"I think you are a terrific person--smart, funny, attractive--but I see us heading in different directions/I feel we don't have enough in common/it seems we want different things. I don't see it working out in the long run and it wouldn't be fair to either of us to continue dating. I'm really sorry."
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Old 08-11-2011, 12:13 AM
Location: Maryland not Murlin
8,083 posts, read 18,970,777 times
Reputation: 5879
I agree with tijlover...skirting around the issue can be picked up on rather easily and if the guy is savvy enough he could turn the situation on you. Perhaps not by dumping you first, but by saying or doing something to either make you withhold your decision, or controlling the situation in some other way. In particular if he senses that you are having difficulty with just saying it.

I have been on the receiving end of this a few times. My advice; just be honest and upfront. Ignoring the person and hoping he will go away could work, or it could backfire and the guy will not get the memo--making things awkward for the both of you.

Yeah, it sucks to hear initially, but in the long run it is appreciated if the other is honest and just comes out and says it.
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Old 08-11-2011, 01:23 AM
1,754 posts, read 1,574,844 times
Reputation: 3632
I think you should just be upfront and tell him you want to go a separate way. If he wants to know why, I would tell him. That way he can try to improve in the future.

I would do this in a semi public venue in case he freaks out.
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Old 08-11-2011, 02:13 AM
2,648 posts, read 2,048,891 times
Reputation: 3424
Originally Posted by MIKEETC View Post
Say, "This isn't going to work out."
The truth=respect. Respect is good. Combine this with the response from Yzette.
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