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View Poll Results: Are you submissive or dominant?
Man : Dominant 24 48.00%
Man : Submissive 12 24.00%
Woman : Dominant 13 26.00%
Woman : Submissive 9 18.00%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 50. You may not vote on this poll

 
 
Old 08-15-2011, 09:43 AM
 
Location: Oxford, England
13,039 posts, read 14,822,172 times
Reputation: 19369
Neither. I have no desire to dominate, my husband or anyone else for that matter, and submission does not come naturally to me either. Anyone trying to dominate me would almost certainly come to regret it fairly quickly.... Hubby claims I would walk through the gates of hell rather than back down if I believed I was right and he is not far off. I am a carrot rather than a stick person. The screaming Marines from boot camp would have completely the opposite effect to that one intended. Abuse me and I will buckle and refuse to move. I do not scream at people and refuse to be screamed at.

I have no desire to abuse my Husband in the bedroom and should he ever try to dominate me he would find me about as pliable as petrified wood.

I prefer a relationship of equals with others, and that means in the bedroom too.


I try as hard as possible to be fair and open minded and expect the same courtesy back,respect is a two way street. A monologue has really never appealed to me. Especially an abusive one.


The idea of dominating anyone is genuinely off putting to me. I find the concept slightly disturbing. Equally repugnant to me is the idea of submissiveness. Dominant personalities to me are not attractive because I equate it with bullying and a need for power . It reeks of compensation for a lack of self esteem. Same with submissive but just a different way of expressing their impotence.

Power does not any attractions for me. Never has and never will hopefully. I like to feel on equal footing with other human beings be they my Husband , my friends or anyone else in fact. Inside and outside of the bedroom.

Respect and "nice" is grossly under-rated IMO.
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Old 08-15-2011, 08:46 PM
 
1,022 posts, read 3,383,346 times
Reputation: 2926
*Shake Head*

Nowhere in most definitions of Dominant given so far address the concepts of RESPONSIBILITY, DEPENDABILITY, PROTECTIVENESS, toward Loved Ones. The Concept given is more suited toward business deals than toward the love dynamic of give and take in relationships.

That's the danger of applying cultural business concepts of power to human dynamics within love whether that dynamic is Parent and child, Siblings and Friends, or Lovers/Marriage.

Dominance becomes reduced to a conversation of abuse, the lack and appreciation of free will expression of others, and associated with an absence of the joy of supporting, providing and encouraging an environment for a loved one's growth and happiness.

In fact the conversing so far is void of those dynamics which provide joy between the Dominant and the submissive, period. Dominance as an emotional dynamic has very little to do with self-centeredness but more toward responsibility for all under one's care.

How submissiveness is reduced to the denial of self needs and ambitions as if it must be a prerequisite for submission to be in play is so far off the mark I'm astounded.

The question asked was one of personality and that personality's tendency in attitudes taken generally in relating to various conditions present in everyday life. Maybe I understood the question too broadly.
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Old 08-15-2011, 09:32 PM
 
4,847 posts, read 5,017,022 times
Reputation: 8148
Default For me the choice is simple....

In the words of Frank Zappa:
It's whips and chains and hand grenades

Just beat me.
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Old 08-15-2011, 09:39 PM
 
Location: Arkansas
1,206 posts, read 1,851,134 times
Reputation: 1473
I have a pretty dominate personality. Sometimes it poses a problem because my husband also has a dominate personality. Luckily he is about a bazillion times more laid back that I could ever think of being other wise we might strangle each other.

I think me having a more dominate personality comes from three factors...my mother grew up in an alcoholic abusive home (thus causing her to raise me to be strong and tough), my dad grew up in a single mother home in the 40's-50's and I got married very young (age 20) and learned quickly that someone had to grow up in our marriage or we would be single and broke.
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Old 08-15-2011, 09:45 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 53,342,650 times
Reputation: 22748
Quote:
Originally Posted by sherrenee View Post
I have a pretty dominate personality. Sometimes it poses a problem because my husband also has a dominate personality. Luckily he is about a bazillion times more laid back that I could ever think of being other wise we might strangle each other.
He must be! Otherwise, you would've already killed each other!
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Old 08-15-2011, 10:17 PM
 
1,022 posts, read 3,383,346 times
Reputation: 2926
To answer a question(s) privately asked...

There is a difference between a Dominant and a Sadist which is often confused. Also, submissiveness of personality is quite different than the "doormat" emotional masochist. They are not one and the same.

Many times what people (I suspect) ARE referring to is the emotional Sadist and the emotional masochist.

Regarding whether desire for being beaten with instruments of torture; that desire could very well be in a Dominant/Sadist personality who wishes to instruct the submissive/masochist how punishment is to be mete. In such a scenario, it is the Dominant/Sadist being "beaten".

So yes, it is a mistake to automatically associate the one being "beaten" as the submissive. Emotionally it could be the Dominant personality's desire for self and wishes. It is always wise to look at what we're assuming is the dynamic at play or situation between adults.

To answer the question if whips and the like are a component of emotional Dominant/submissive dynamic, the answer is No. That dynamic between adults could have nothing at all to do with expressions of physical Sadism/masochism or even sex. Maybe others can answer questions from their own knowledge and experience as well.
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Old 08-16-2011, 12:36 AM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,890 posts, read 12,466,639 times
Reputation: 8409
Quote:
Originally Posted by KnightShadow View Post
... Maybe others can answer questions from their own knowledge and experience as well.
I think we'll just sit back and watch you ...
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Old 08-16-2011, 12:47 AM
 
1,022 posts, read 3,383,346 times
Reputation: 2926
LoL Take the floor anytime you want * Grin * ... Life experience always trumps assumptions. And it doesn't take long to notice the innuendo and nuances of assumptions held.
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Old 08-16-2011, 01:00 AM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,890 posts, read 12,466,639 times
Reputation: 8409
Quote:
Originally Posted by KnightShadow View Post
LoL Take the floor anytime you want * Grin * ... Life experience always trumps assumptions. And it doesn't take long to notice the innuendo and nuances of assumptions held.
Ah, but this is the Royal Kingdom of Innuendo, which is part of the Principality of Assumption. We Fools are here to Enlighten and Educate the Kings (and Queens, I suppose).

You're doing great - I'll just sit in the Gallery and watch for a while. But if it seems you're getting tired, I'll bring in the St. Andrew's Cross and continue their lessons ...
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Old 08-16-2011, 01:01 AM
 
1,022 posts, read 3,383,346 times
Reputation: 2926
ROFL!!!!!! By All Means!!! LOL *goes through the growing piles of questions from...looks closely... aninomust?..
must have had an attack of nerves...chuckle... announces*

ahhhaaa... A Question!

Can a submissive have self-will...and if so doesn't that negate the submissive being a submissive.

Okayyyy...Your turn to answer that one.

*Hammers a wooden sign that reads, "Have Retired after 1 Shift! Gone Fishin!" *

Announcement! All Future Questions can now be directed to ---> SifuPhil's mailbox.

Last edited by KnightShadow; 08-16-2011 at 01:21 AM..
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