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Old 08-15-2011, 02:57 PM
 
880 posts, read 1,796,404 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mateo45 View Post
It seems like this is precisely what happens with online "screening" and I've seen it firsthand. Was doing a plumbing repair over at a friend of a friend's house as a favor, and while I was working in the adjoining bathroom, it was clear this middle-aged gal was "assessing" guys at an online dating site, and with her 20-something daughter! Wasn't difficult to hear both their comments on various guys ("oh, he looks too much like a mama's boy, eww, he's too fat...", etc.). And perhaps there are a lot of guys who approach it in the same way, but in any case I don't think folks are usually quite as "critical", "superficial" or "comparative" when meeting folks IRL.... where these are all real people, not shopping on eBay!
The Internet dating scene is like a virtual meat market, people looking at each other like a farmer looking at livestock. When you think about it the whole thing is completely impersonal and downright bizarre.
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Old 08-15-2011, 03:39 PM
 
2,066 posts, read 4,328,797 times
Reputation: 1992
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chatteress View Post
have some usual facial features that are not obvious in my photographs.
Do you have acne, or acne scars that you hide with good lighting in your photos? a bulbous nose that you hide with good angles? using glamour shots? horrible teeth that you hide with tight lipped smiles? I mean how is it that you don't look better or as good as your picture??

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Old 08-15-2011, 03:47 PM
 
2,618 posts, read 6,154,469 times
Reputation: 2119
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chatteress View Post
In the past, I have tried online dating sites such as eharmony, matchmaker and other sites but without any luck. The main issue I've found with online dating is that when guys meet me, I somehow do not meet their expectations in the looks department. I don't consider myself to be ugly but I do have some usual facial features that are not obvious in my photographs. Because of this, I wind up disappointed and never getting anywhere. Why are men just so superficial when it comes to looks. After chatting for awhile online and via phone, why write someone off just because they do not look like a supermodel?

*sigh* I guess I will need to forget about the online dating stuff and just try other means of meeting folks.
At least you get the date.

Women are even more superficial, since I'm only 5'8" and not rich it's hard for me to land a date.

I've actually had some better responses by sending short, 1 sentence, messages that are semi-jerk-like.

Examples: "your dog is skinny you should feed it more tacos" or "you're not one of those girls that claim to be adventurous despite that you listen to katie perry, are you?" or "your name is smileygirl yet you don't smile in a single picture!"

Garners much more responses than "hey, how are you? I read your profile and you seem cool, then I list off things we have in common and ask you a question about your profile to show I have interest in you. But then you don't respond to me because this is considered a nice/friendly/respectful response. Only when I be somewhat of a jerk do you actually start talking to me and end up going on a date".
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Old 08-15-2011, 03:52 PM
 
2,066 posts, read 4,328,797 times
Reputation: 1992
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201 View Post
At least you get the date.

Women are even more superficial, since I'm only 5'8" and not rich it's hard for me to land a date.

I've actually had some better responses by sending short, 1 sentence, messages that are semi-jerk-like.

Examples: "your dog is skinny you should feed it more tacos" or "you're not one of those girls that claim to be adventurous despite that you listen to katie perry, are you?" or "your name is smileygirl yet you don't smile in a single picture!"

Garners much more responses than "hey, how are you? I read your profile and you seem cool, then I list off things we have in common and ask you a question about your profile to show I have interest in you. But then you don't respond to me because this is considered a nice/friendly/respectful response. Only when I be somewhat of a jerk do you actually start talking to me and end up going on a date".
No one wants a wind bag shug.
That goes for online dating or forums... I think most of your threads are too long and you've been told. You don't learn...

Any who short and "joking", NOT jerky, will mean more responses. Most people would think 1 or 2 of the above might be you joking or teasing... If they only knew you weren't joking
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Old 08-15-2011, 04:01 PM
 
116 posts, read 153,269 times
Reputation: 192
cdubs3201 - It's a two-way street out there. For every woman who only cares how tall you are, what you earn or what you drive, there's a man who only cares how big her boobs are, how thin she is and how soon she'll put out.

Personally, I don't care how much a guy earns, how tall he is, what he drives, whether he's skinny or stocky, whether he's got a full head of hair or is bald...I could go on, but you get my point. While I won't deny physical attraction is important to me at first, that doesn't mean I'm only attracted to Brad Pitt lookalikes. One of my exes had particularly striking eyes and hair. Another had excellent bone structure to his face. Another was bookish and boyish, sort of like an older Harry Potter type. But ultimately, it was what was on the INside that snared me. Like most women (I think), the more I get to know and like a guy, the better he looks to me.
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Old 08-15-2011, 04:10 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,653,596 times
Reputation: 10385
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chatteress View Post
In the past, I have tried online dating sites such as eharmony, matchmaker and other sites but without any luck. The main issue I've found with online dating is that when guys meet me, I somehow do not meet their expectations in the looks department. I don't consider myself to be ugly but I do have some usual facial features that are not obvious in my photographs. Because of this, I wind up disappointed and never getting anywhere. Why are men just so superficial when it comes to looks. After chatting for awhile online and via phone, why write someone off just because they do not look like a supermodel?

*sigh* I guess I will need to forget about the online dating stuff and just try other means of meeting folks.
Bottom line is, you need to get accurate pictures up ASAP. You also probably need to redefine the type of man you expect to date. I really think the number 1 problem women have when it comes to online dating is unrealistic expectations (yes I had this problem too). There are probably men who have contacted you, but you dismissed them in favor of someone else who was more to your liking. I know you probably think this isn't the case, but I'd bet it most certainly is.
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Old 08-15-2011, 04:14 PM
 
116 posts, read 153,269 times
Reputation: 192
And BTW, while I would've thought being more genuinely concerned with WHO the guy is, as opposed to what he HAS or how he LOOKS, would make me much more appealing to the men on dating sites, sadly this does not seem to be the case. In my experience, very many of the men in my age range (over 40) have dumped the "starter wife", are now in the throes of midlife crisis and are only interested in getting a piece of arm candy---often, someone significantly younger than themselves.
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Old 08-15-2011, 04:20 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,653,596 times
Reputation: 10385
Quote:
Originally Posted by LA-LA-LA View Post
And BTW, while I would've thought being more genuinely concerned with WHO the guy is, as opposed to what he HAS or how he LOOKS, would make me much more appealing to the men on dating sites, sadly this does not seem to be the case. In my experience, very many of the men in my age range (over 40) have dumped the "starter wife", are now in the throes of midlife crisis and are only interested in getting a piece of arm candy---often, someone significantly younger than themselves.
I used to think this too. Then I realized this isn't the case for most men who are over 40, it's really the case for most of the men who were the types *I* wanted to date. When I stopped paying attention to those guys I wanted, and instead turned my attention to the men who wanted me, my dating life improved immensely.
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Old 08-15-2011, 04:28 PM
 
116 posts, read 153,269 times
Reputation: 192
Onglet - I'm not saying any of those arm-candy-wanting-types are attractive to me, just that in sheer numbers when I'm browsing through the matches generated for me by a given dating site, an awful lot of them seem to fall into this category. I know there are nice, decent, caring men out there too, I just think that in terms of numbers, THEY are the needles in the haystack.
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Old 08-15-2011, 04:31 PM
 
880 posts, read 1,796,404 times
Reputation: 769
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201 View Post
At least you get the date.

Women are even more superficial, since I'm only 5'8" and not rich it's hard for me to land a date.

I've actually had some better responses by sending short, 1 sentence, messages that are semi-jerk-like.

Examples: "your dog is skinny you should feed it more tacos" or "you're not one of those girls that claim to be adventurous despite that you listen to katie perry, are you?" or "your name is smileygirl yet you don't smile in a single picture!"

Garners much more responses than "hey, how are you? I read your profile and you seem cool, then I list off things we have in common and ask you a question about your profile to show I have interest in you. But then you don't respond to me because this is considered a nice/friendly/respectful response. Only when I be somewhat of a jerk do you actually start talking to me and end up going on a date".
I was hanging out with a friend and we were talking about online dating and how he discovered if you look good enought you can treat women like crap and they're still interested. He went on line and he was messing around and decided to have a little fun a while back and created a fake ad one of those free sites. He created a profile of some male model and said he was a lawyer. He sent the rudest dirtiest messages you can think of and came off as a total @ss, they would get mad but after about 10 minutes of him being the biggest arrogant rude jerk you could image, he would ask them out. Do you know what the response was almost every time? It was yes! Unfreaking beleivable :
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