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Nope, I am not saying it’s anybody’s fault. Women don’t put any effort into getting sex. Doesn’t make women villains.
I keep explaining this to you and other American women. Might seem confusing to someone that is not used to having things revolve around both but here it goes again…you don’t calculate or anything like that. It happens just like when you go out with your girlfriends. It’s not like you expect one of them to pay it all just because she came up with the plan or something. Everybody contributes or takes turns, no problem. Well, it works the same way with the girls I go out with (Asian) or even travel with on vacation. I’ll give you the same example I’ve used before. A girl and I arranged to meet after a family event to see a movie. I arrived earlier than the agreed time. Went ahead and bought the tickets. When she arrived she thought we had to make line but I already had the tickets so, she thanks me, and we go in. No such thing as “Ok, how much do I owe you?...wait, wasn’t this supposed to be my turn? Wait, let me calculate” no no no. We enjoyed our movie and after that we went to dinner. Check arrived and I reached for it but she yanked it off my hand. Once again no “hey, I have to pay for it since you paid for the movies” or me telling her. No, she went ahead and paid for our dinner and I thanked her. Sometimes it’s the whole date, sometimes it’s contributing together even if it’s not exactly 50/50. These things come and go, back and forward, it’s mutual. And they don’t put me through months of probation periods, observation, etc. or until they are totally convinced about me or in a formal relationship. I see this since date #1.
Exactly. It’s just the whole months or years “initial stages” where a guy has to jump through hoops that it just doesn’t go with me. If it works for others, go for it. Like I keep saying, I am not saying it is better or worse, just different.
Let me tell you another secret - by your description - my relationships have always revolved around the BOTH of us, too. Now, I know you will never admit that this is possible since I'm an American woman - and you seem to know how every single one of us operates - but it's the truth. Like I've told you about a million times - I've never been showered with gifts, I've never been showered with jewelry, the only really expensive dinners I've ever been on have been with my husband when we were well past the initial stages. And guess what - most of my friends are the exact same way. I think you have been watching too much TV or something. I only know one girlfriend of mine that has every received extravagant gifts and that makes guys jump through hoops for her.
Can you just admit that there is even a possibility that you could be the teeniest bit wrong about all American women? We are not either b*tches or wh*res. Some of us are just really nice women who aren't demanding and have sex when both parties are ready for it.
Exactly. It’s just the whole months or years “initial stages” where a guy has to jump through hoops that it just doesn’t go with me. If it works for others, go for it. Like I keep saying, I am not saying it is better or worse, just different.
My husband never jumped through hoops for me. It was give and take from the beginning. If we wanted to go out and he was short on money I'd pay and vice versa. Our first few dates were CHEAP...as in italian ice and a walk along the boardwalk or a ride on his boat. Not much money involved at all. He paid because that's how he was raised. I didn't demand it and there really wasn't any discussion about it and he CERTAINLY didn't whine or sulk over it.
And to add to that, I've never demaned expensive gifts from him. EVER. But I'm kind of thrifty so I would feel guilty.
Let me tell you another secret - by your description - my relationships have always revolved around the BOTH of us, too. Now, I know you will never admit that this is possible since I'm an American woman - and you seem to know how every single one of us operates - but it's the truth
So you asked him out on the first date and/or contributed to the very 1st date instead of just being a spectator? Cool! I remember in another thread some women said they do nice things for their guy like, you know, rub his back, send a text message, etc. and I ask them how long did it take them to start doing those things and they admitted not until they were in a formal official relationship. Hey, if that’s how it works for them, why not. I am just used to something else. Not better/worse, just different.
Sure, not all American women just show up to the first date. There may be some American women who on the first date contribute to expenses and not complain about it (as we have seen in other threads where the man accepts her contribution and women complain about it). At the same time, there may be some Asian women who are only the spectator on a date. We can’t say 100% of people follow a behavior but we can say that culture in one part of the world does influence in different aspects of life in their society compared to the one in my country, in the USA, etc.
If American women prefer men to take initiative, do the romancing, take care of expenses, be the ones who propose, not put any effort to get sex, etc. it doesn’t make them villains necessarily.
He paid because that's how he was raised. I didn't demand it and there really wasn't any discussion about it and he CERTAINLY didn't whine or sulk over it.
There you go. I guess lots of men are raised that way in the USA and other western countries then. Women are raised differently in Asia and I can see some differences when it comes to dating, relationships, etc. I repeat, doesn't make one better or worse than the other, just different. I don't demand them to pay for my ramen, for an ice cream, or for a vacation trip. Those women don't whine or sulk over the fact that I accept their offer to contribute to expenses and vice versa. They don't mind me either paying for their falafel, vacation trip, or whatever.
So you asked him out on the first date and/or contributed to the very 1st date instead of just being a spectator? Cool! I remember in another thread some women said they do nice things for their guy like, you know, rub his back, send a text message, etc. and I ask them how long did it take them to start doing those things and they admitted not until they were in a formal official relationship. Hey, if that’s how it works for them, why not. I am just used to something else. Not better/worse, just different.
Sure, not all American women just show up to the first date. There may be some American women who on the first date contribute to expenses and not complain about it (as we have seen in other threads where the man accepts her contribution and women complain about it). At the same time, there may be some Asian women who are only the spectator on a date. We can’t say 100% of people follow a behavior but we can say that culture in one part of the world does influence in different aspects of life in their society compared to the one in my country, in the USA, etc.
If American women prefer men to take initiative, do the romancing, take care of expenses, be the ones who propose, not put any effort to get sex, etc. it doesn’t make them villains necessarily.
All of my big relationships have started organically - nobody was the one who asked the other out. We saw each other all the time - whether at school or at work, and then the magic just kind of started to happen. There was no asking out, no first move making - things just kind of happened. In terms of the guys that I just dated - most asked me out - I asked out a couple. Do you want me to apologize for having guys ask me out? Should I also apologize for being hit on a lot? Is this my fault that men find me attractive? Perhaps I should have just blindly asked out every guy that passed me by so that I was assured of being the one to make the first move? Would you somehow think more highly of me then?
You do realize that if a woman says that a guy asked her out - your reaction is "Of course. That's what American women prefer." But if a woman says she asked a guy out - your reaction is "How did you ask him out? Did you wait for him to set the date? Did you ask him for his number first? Etc." All of a sudden it becomes 20 questions and you are never fully satisfied. Read through your old posts. Let me ask you this - why do you want things to be the way you think they are? Why is it so important to you?
And on the flip side of this - did you ever think that most American men prefer to be the one who pursues and the one who pays on the first date? I mean, logically speaking, if almost 100% of American women (these are your calculations, not mine) prefer for the guy to pursue and pay - then it must mean that almost 100% of the men do this. And logically speaking, I can't imagine almost 100% of the men doing this unless they wanted to. Perhaps it should be the American men that you should be putting down all the time instead of the women! But like I said, I've never been wined and dined, I've never made a guy jump through hoops, and I would say that all my relationships have always revolved around the both of us. This may be confusing to you since you don't think this is possible for an American woman - but it's the truth.
I wanted to know the answer to this question for a long time. I just want to get others opinions on it. And No, I am not a mistress and I am not even married, but I am just curious after reading some of the posts.
So who has it the best, the wife or the mistress? I will give my take on it later.
Neither. They are both with an unfaithful person and neither will have him completely.
I think the mistress has it better (between the mistress and the wife). She gets all the good parts of him without having to put up with the mundane crappy things about him. And she doesn't have to worry about committing to him.
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