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Old 08-18-2011, 01:34 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,023 posts, read 12,828,690 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
This forum sure has some weird responses.
After she dumps this dude, DM me your friend's phone number
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Old 08-18-2011, 01:43 PM
 
2,997 posts, read 2,509,707 times
Reputation: 1712
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
My friend has been dating a great guy for a year and wants to break up but doesn't want to crush the guy . He is totally in love & adores her . He has been through a lot in the last few years and sees her as his savior and says she makes life worth living for him.
She is putting the breakup off because she can't figure out how to tell him in a way that makes it easier for him.
We have brainstormed ideas and they all seem so lame.

So guys, how would you want to be told??? She would love to remain friends. The reason is sorta a mix of not wanting a serious realtionship right now & sensing he isn't right for her.
Evidently, he isnt great in the eyes of your g/f . Hes made a big mistake putting her as his saviour because that is totally misappropriated . Life is worth living not because of another human being, but because of the Creator and what the Creator has done for us., so he has placed his devotion and love in the wrong person. Conversely, it is very important that WE dont become God to another and let God be God in how he works in a persons life.

I suspect she should have come to the realizaton much sooner that they should have been friends from the beginning and nothing more. This is something that typically happens when people become enthralled with each other early on and the friendship moves too fast forward. PLUS, if sex is thrown into the equation, then the persons heart is captured along with his Soul. At any rate, she should let him down very easy as possible but still be firm in her decision shes reached ; she should apologize if she did things to get his heart and Soul so deeply...and she should assure this man that she does want to be good friends and that she values his friendship immensely. Theres really no easy way out of this , other than to be gentle and honest...and to learn from this whole experience. Perhaps learning to take it real slow next time and to determine certainly after 3 dates whether it is someone you want to get to know deeper before emotions start to get planted real deep.
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Old 08-18-2011, 01:57 PM
 
Location: San Gabriel Valley, CA
11,639 posts, read 11,787,995 times
Reputation: 7778
Quote:
Originally Posted by ferretkona View Post
She can not be his friend for a long time.
Best way is to sit down and be honest. Tell him it is him.
No BS, no lies or fantasies. Tell him he does not rock her socks.
A nice parting gift may be a introduction to a easy friend. There are even break up parties for this.
I haven't read beyond this part of the thread but I wanted to say I agree with this. I know it doesn't seem as kind-hearted as the "I'm not ready right now" speech. I know people don't want to hurt others' feelings and that saying such a thing would be well-intentioned so I'm not putting the suggestion down at all.

But it leaves a little crack open for the lovestruck party. He'll be thinking, "When will she be ready, then? Is it just a case of timing? Can I remain friends with her and hide my deep love, waiting for that time that she *is* ready, and then I'll be there and hopefully be the one? How can I help 'make' her ready?" etc.

And then 6 months of secret 24/7 obsessing later we'll see him here on CD posting about how his ex lied, strung him along, she started seeing someone else after saying she wasn't ready, so that makes her a damned liar and he'll never trust a woman again and women are horrible, they're liars, they really want a bad boy because *he* (the dumpee) would have treated her so well but she chose someone else instead who, because this new guy is not begging and pleading, is obviously an uncaring person compared to the him (the dumpee) who had "been there for her through everything," and blah blah.

We all know this is how it would happen. We've probably all been that party at least once ourselves. And we were bitter and angry until one day when we had to be that party to someone else. But that realization can take a looooooooooooooooong time. It can literally take years. In trying to be gentle, your friend could just be allowing this guy a rollercoaster of emotional ups and free falls for months or years to come. It's hard to be honest, but in this case, she really does need to be, for his sake.

Last edited by JerZ; 08-18-2011 at 02:07 PM..
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Old 08-18-2011, 02:04 PM
 
Location: San Gabriel Valley, CA
11,639 posts, read 11,787,995 times
Reputation: 7778
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
This forum sure has some weird responses.
Ha ha, yeah, it's true, it really does...Just roll with it...some people make statements for a laugh and to lighten things up.

But yes, you will surely hear one of everything on here!
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Old 08-18-2011, 02:22 PM
 
1,112 posts, read 884,458 times
Reputation: 1191
Don't give me that "she would love to remain friends" BS.

If she cares about him at all, she would know that would crush him.
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Old 08-18-2011, 03:22 PM
 
24,194 posts, read 24,628,880 times
Reputation: 31952
Quote:
Originally Posted by BKSnook View Post
Don't give me that "she would love to remain friends" BS.

If she cares about him at all, she would know that would crush him.
Yeah, that's the worst, most lame line of all time.

Basically what it translates to is: "I won't reciprocate your feelings towards me. On the other hand, I won't leave you the hell alone, either."
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Old 08-18-2011, 05:34 PM
 
4,211 posts, read 6,736,564 times
Reputation: 3547
Quote:
Originally Posted by 007.5 View Post
Evidently, he isnt great in the eyes of your g/f . Hes made a big mistake putting her as his saviour because that is totally misappropriated . Life is worth living not because of another human being, but because of the Creator and what the Creator has done for us., so he has placed his devotion and love in the wrong person. Conversely, it is very important that WE dont become God to another and let God be God in how he works in a persons life.

I suspect she should have come to the realizaton much sooner that they should have been friends from the beginning and nothing more. This is something that typically happens when people become enthralled with each other early on and the friendship moves too fast forward. PLUS, if sex is thrown into the equation, then the persons heart is captured along with his Soul. At any rate, she should let him down very easy as possible but still be firm in her decision shes reached ; she should apologize if she did things to get his heart and Soul so deeply...and she should assure this man that she does want to be good friends and that she values his friendship immensely. Theres really no easy way out of this , other than to be gentle and honest...and to learn from this whole experience. Perhaps learning to take it real slow next time and to determine certainly after 3 dates whether it is someone you want to get to know deeper before emotions start to get planted real deep.
Okay , I didn't mean "savior" like replacing Jesus but yes he does look to her for his happiness.
The 3 date rule of certainty sounds good but sometimes things seem right in the beginning and flaws in the relationship take longer to see.
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Old 08-18-2011, 05:38 PM
 
4,211 posts, read 6,736,564 times
Reputation: 3547
We were trying to remember the break up lines Meg Ryan used with her fiance' in Sleepless In Seattle. I remember thinking "what a respectful, gentle way to let someone know its over"
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Old 08-18-2011, 05:41 PM
Status: "A gentle man and a gentleman." (set 10 days ago)
 
15,757 posts, read 7,189,328 times
Reputation: 11095
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
I think the best breakup strategy I have ever heard or used is the 10-minute phone breakup (because you do not want to do it in person for a number of reasons.)

You need to rehearse your exact words for a bit. Then set a timer for 10 minutes and make the call.

You say something very simple like, "Our relationship has reached its natural end and it is no longer making me happy, so we should not see each other anymore. I am very sorry."

Then let the person absorb the news and stay calm while they react. But do not give any further reasoning beyond this is how you feel and won't be changing your mind.

The person will have questions, but stick to this script as much as possible. You can't get drawn into a discussion of reasons because each reason you give is something for the person to counter or argue with, and you want to do this as quickly and cleanly as possible.

When the timer rings you should be done.
This sounds like an extremely cold way of breaking up with someone. Jeez it makes me not want to pursue a relationship only to have someone do the rehearsed 10 minute break up on me.

*ding!* Turkey's baked! Would you like some pie with that?

That just seems like the wrong way to approach a situation.
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Old 08-18-2011, 07:26 PM
 
4,211 posts, read 6,736,564 times
Reputation: 3547
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prince_Frog View Post
This sounds like an extremely cold way of breaking up with someone. Jeez it makes me not want to pursue a relationship only to have someone do the rehearsed 10 minute break up on me.

*ding!* Turkey's baked! Would you like some pie with that?

That just seems like the wrong way to approach a situation.
I agree completely..
She cares about him just doesn't want a romantic relationship with him.
I have been there...done that.
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