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I've decided to quit dating for a while, to just focus on my walking and running, ........
Good idea. I was going to recommend that as I was reading your post. You seemed to be putting so much "blame" and thought on the guys instead of looking at yourself.
Maybe buy a couple of good self help books or read up on self confidence. You need it.
Hopefully, when you get your self in order, you'll find a good guy.
Well quite frankly guys have to have high self esteem. It's an absolute must for us. Healthy self esteem benefits women to but for guys, having low self esteem is worst then receiving the death penalty.
You got it. That's exactly what I meant by "evolutionarily speaking".
I agree that men aren't as shallow with looks as women tend to believe. I don't need or want a model on my arm. I've usually focused on girl next door and plain Jane types. Oddly enough, they're more difficult to get for me than the hot ones because the plain ones think they have chance.
I've seen several threads on here that talk about women with their heads in the clouds. Why not for men? I can't seem to find those threads.
I'm above average looking, maybe 10 pounds overweight, tops, well endowed (gee thanks Mom), athletic, and have very long hair. But I'm not a 10, or even a 9, and I'm smart enough to realize this and smart enough not to go looking for those kinds of men. I also dress nice and trendy; I get compliments regularly for how I look--I'm more of a fashionista.
But the men I seem to find think differently. I seem to be finding a lot of men who think they are entitled to women who are a 9 or a 10, even when they are a 5. Allow me to give examples form the last three men I've liked or dated.
The first guy, who I dated twice, is 26. He is overweight, was once obese. He's not too horrible on the eyes, he knows how to dress. If I were to rate him, I'd rate him a 6. He is a Mormon, and after we quit dating, I overheard that he is upset that he cannot bag a temple recommend holding Mormon woman, one of whom is attractive. In his universe "attractive" means looks like Gwyneth Paltrow or Megan Fox, but with a temple recommend, and willing to overlook the fact that he lives with his parents and their cats, owns a crap car, has no aspirations and goals beyond being a "starving artist" (he works part-time, for minimal wages at a department store and is NOT in college) and has never gone on an LDS mission. I have contemplated blocking him on facebook because he complains at length about how he cannot get a Mormon woman, and how even us non-LDS women won't date him. I ended it with him because he was flippant and I did not seem to be a priority to him at all, even though he claimed to like me, and because he had no ambition. I'm not expecting a guy to be rich or middle class even, but some sort of ambition would be nice! I would imagine that LDS women are turning him down because he isn't working that much and does not aspire to work much, and therefore would not be the kind of man a woman would want to start a family with. I suspect that fact alone is more to blame than what he claims is the problem, which is that he never went on an LDS mission (dare I say it, probably because, *gasp* two years out in a foreign country would have gotten in the way of the Graphic Design stuff).
The next guy, who I also dated, was a 37 year old living in my hometown. He complains that the women are few and far between. I'll give a little on that: Vegas has been ranked as having more men than women, and the women there are above average looking, according to several polls, and far pickier. However, I did learn who he was chasing, and as far as I am concerned, if you chase after 10s when you are a 6, you're getting what you deserve. He ended up with a woman who is a 9 on looks but who has issues, who won't even shack up with him, or marry him, and now, rather than whine about how he can't get a woman, he whines about how he cannot get a wife and kids.
The last guy made a fool of me and isn't that hot. I'd rank him a 5. His ex informed me that he starves himself and crash diets because he hates working out. He lies and tells women that he loves working out. He manages money poorly. He lives with his parents. I see him around regularly. He looks like Mexican Trailer Trash: cut up sweatpants, oversize shirts to hide the fact that he has man boobs and a beer belly, flip flops, a rosary, and a baseball cap to hide the fact that he is balding, and badly. The only woman he will date? A 10, and nothing less. Because he is perfect...or so he thinks, and deserves the best. I think his ex inflated his ego; she was a 10; but he dated her, I'm sure, because he met her in a city with more women than men, so the women settle more. As it was they dated for 8 months, she dumped him; he whines that she never gave him a chance; he put on weight and forgot to shave his head, and looks even worse now. The only thing he has going for him is that he has ambition...and a sense of humor, and a cute face. He now regularly whines about how badly his dates are going. He not only wants a 10, but expects her to not have any kids from a previous relationship and to have never touched drugs.
I have read plenty of threads on here about how women have unrealistic standards...it cuts both ways. I've also read that women don't consider looks...well, that is a lie. I'm not going to date a dog because he has a sense of humor and a million bucks. Sorry.
And yes, I have met female friends and colleagues with their heads in the clouds.
I've decided to quit dating for a while, to just focus on my walking and running, to get up to marathon level. And the men can look all they want as I get thinner, but I'm just going to pass. I'm tired of the unrealistic standards of it all.
Because, well, women DO have higher standards than men.
If what all of you are saying is true, then why are all these seemingly average people able to be in relationships?
I know, right? With all the complaining going on all the time on this forum, you would think nobody was in a relationship. Meanwhile, in the real world, a lot of people are in one or have been in one fairly recently.
I've decided to quit dating for a while, to just focus on my walking and running, to get up to marathon level. And the men can look all they want as I get thinner, but I'm just going to pass. I'm tired of the unrealistic standards of it all.
I don't think opting out is a good idea if you really want a husband/long term partner. The key is to size these guys up right away and move on quickly if they are not what you want.
See: Is He Mr. Right? for a very practical read on this subject.
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