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not to mention the qualities men desire in women decrease in age and the qualities women desire in men increase with age
I've pretty much figured out that this is something the young guys who can't get girls tell themselves to feel "better".
They feel that they'll be able to get the women when they are older, and all the women who turned them down in their younger years will PAY by not being able to get dates.
I think there is a bit of truth in both. I think many young men tell themselves that they will become more marketable to women as they age, both because they want to console themselves in the present, and because that is what they often witness among older men.
Personally, I know several older men presently who lament how frustrated they were as youths as they were laboring their way through school, but after aging and after becoming highly accomplished through much hard work, they have had their selection of women they desire since entering maturation. Because the workforce is still unequal in terms of pay and status, (according to women's advocates), there are always going to be a greater amount of wealthier mature men who are highly attractive to those women seeking someone who is a stable, provider of security/protection and finances, and who are capable of supporting a family.
I doubt its so much a matter of women "getting whats coming to them" in old age, so much as the accounts of older men I know seem be that the dating scene becomes much more accomodating for them with age and status, irrespective of what their older female counterparts experience. You can even hear older women attest to it as well. They say <paraphrasing> 'If a young man gets his act together and goes on to become a financially stable, handsome adult man, he will practically have his pick of women'. And I know older women who thrive as well as they mature. But those who are hot, nurturing women, with great personalities are usually already married when they reach older ages (30+) because they are the best of the best in the eyes of most men. So the leftovers, and those who arent yet married by 30 are competing against younger, often better looking women.
Whereas, men who reach that age, who are handsome, respectful, and financially secure arent as likely to be taken, because the road to financial security takes generally consumes their younger years. Men dont become the best of the best in the eyes of women, until they DO reach the age of financial security, with its accompanying boost in self confidence. So they when they do reach self sufficiency in middle age, they are typically only competing against 1) younger broke men 2) Older broke men 3) Older wealthier men 4) the infinitesimal amount of younger rich men.
Last edited by solytaire; 08-28-2011 at 04:31 PM..
Why would anyone divorce? I don't get it... The people are too sensible these days... In my country in the rural areas people became dependent of alcohol.. and because of it they beat their wives sometimes... (there are to excuses for this...) but the women don't leave them because they know they have to raise their kids with both parents. There's no way a kid can grow healthy (be it mentally or physically) without he's both parents.
As opposed to how well kids grow healthily mentally and physically when they are witnessing violence and abuse inflicted upon one of their parents by the other and/or feeling the brunt of such violence and abuse themselves, clearly. Yes, that seems like an ideal recipe for healthy development, I see your point.
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In my family my father stop working one day... and refused to get another job... yet my mother didn't divorced because we (me and my brother) needed a family. In the end we all were ok even though my mother had to work a little more (actually... more than a little... about 18-20 hours/day).
And these are two examples ... it happens all the time in Europe and with few exceptions (Britain... that makes me wonder if there's not something wrong with the anglo-saxon culture) all the countries have way much smaller divorce rates... people understand than in a relationship you have to make HUGE sacrifices all the time.
In my world, those sacrifices and compromises necessary in a healthy relationship don't include being okay with getting the sh*t pounded out of me or my kids.
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Interestingly, I remember reading a couple of months ago that although fewer people are getting married, young people are getting fewer divorces and more marriages are lasting longer.
Not sure if this has been noted, but I have a feeling this is directly related to the economy. Most people don't want to start off in a marriage being unemployed or with financial problems. It also costs money for a wedding & honeymoon; and sure, you could skip those, but most people want some kind of celebration when they marry. These are reasons people may be postponing saying "I do".
men, when they are all in love swear that they are going to be married forever and how meeting this woman changed their life blah blah and then 5 years down the road they are full of complaints about how it wasn't like they thought it was going to be, their life sucks etc. etc. WELL...
i'm sure there are a few men that are in good marriages but most I have met have some sort of regret, they stay in the marriage only because a divorce means they lose everything they have worked for in their life to the woman..not to mention access to his children will be severely limited.
Most recently this has happened to a friend of mine, married for over 10 years then the wife decides she is "bored" of this marriage and tells him to fly off, takes a huge settlement (she never worked a day in her life and they don't have kids), now the poor guy who makes a good living as an engineer is living in some ****hole apartment paying half his salary as support to this woman that he now hates while she is living the good life...what a life!
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