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Be careful as this is passive aggressive behavior. I know it feels good right now but not being direct doesn't change anything. Here is the problem as I see it. You can't imagine taking over someone else's house or damaging someone else's things or over staying your welcome. Its because you are not a con artist. Your subtle ways of letting them know you are tired of them will work for a few days and then it will be forgotten. Then what will be your next move? It becomes a game and will only add to your resentment of them being there because they will start ignoring your "hints". Then one day you come home from work, they are gone and so is your stuff.
How many times did these people stay with others? Did they ever stay the same people again? I am only guessing but I would say no. They use people up. I seriously doubt they move out of a place on good terms. Are you sure they are not being evicted? It doesn't make sense to move so much without having a place to move into. The home schooling to me is a big clue. They do it because they know they get kicked out places on a regular basis. You need a polite sit down. Tell them that it is simply becoming too crowded in the house and would like to know their plans. If they throw a date out there, then reconfirm that is the date they need to move. Then keep mentioning the move out date. Do not deviate from it. No extensions no matter what sob story they come up with. I know you want to be nice and somehow view these people as friends but I don't think this is going to end well. These people are not viewing you as friends, they are using you.
Just a word of caution. Are they getting mail at your house? In some states this establishes residency and they could refuse to leave. This would require you taking them to court. My mother had a rental property where a squatter moved into one of her houses. He climbed in the window. She had to go to court to toss him out because he started getting mail at the house. A while back there was a woman that let a friend rent a room off her. Things started to go sour and when the woman came home, her locks had been changed. She lived in a motel for a couple of months going to court to get her friend thrown out of HER house. Not sure if something like this could happen in your state but you have to be direct with these people asap.
Very well written with tons of great points that the OP would be wise to consider.
A little bit of passive aggressiveness is not going to work on people like this.
What I see going on with the OP is she and her husband are making the same mistake a lot of people out there do at a young age, myself included. And that is they assume that everyone else out there is as nice and friendly as they are, all with good intentions. Through life experience, if you are smart, you realize that most people don't share your same world view, interests, morals, ethics, common sense or being reasonable.
No one can use you, without your permission. If you are getting tired of their stay, tell them that they have to leave, no drama, you are just done with the party, for reasons that you are missing too much sleep, and are in danger of losing your job. Time for them to go.
These people are con artists. People don't move every year and stay with others on a regular basis unless they are scamming. I don't care if they say they like to move, lots of people like to move (including myself) and only one time did I stay with anyone and that was with my mother while we had a transition out of state. I cut her grass, bought groceries, cleaned her house. She was bummed when I left.
What is the motive to move? You have given them a nice place to live at no cost. OP, I feel your pain because I am not exactly the confrontational type myself. It takes time to learn and right now you are learning. At some point in the future you will be able to recognize a con artist when you see one. Sure they are nice that is how con artists get away with it. If they had been mean to you from the beginning you would have thrown them out. I think they see how you are getting tired of them and that is why they cornered your husband into staying longer. Trust me con artists are awesome at that their craft.
When I moved out of state, we bought a larger home so relatives could come and see us and stay. I was never really a hostess in the past so I had to learn when to be accommodating and when not to. It was a hard lesson. I have the stained carpet to prove it. I had relatives showing up with their dogs. At one point I had 4 dogs in my home along with my dog and 2 cats. The house is not that big. One of the dogs wasn't properly trained and let loose on my carpet several times. I also have a newer home with new everything and we work damn hard for the stuff. I finally had to put my foot down and it was hard. But I felt so much better about myself when I did it.
If you do not put a set guideline on when they are to leave, they are going to extend it. This is how con artists do things. They wait until they get thrown out. They use people up. You can be polite and firm at the same time. Don't view confrontation as a bad thing. Take the negative feelings out of it. This will help you standing up for yourself. Keep us posted. I would like to hear how this turns out.
Good post and I hope the point hits home.
Quote:
Originally Posted by goingcrazyinFL
Thank you for your responses and support.
We haven't had a chance to have a talk yet, but I did send some subliminal messages, and I think its helping and opening the door for conversation.
They left the house for a couple of hours yesterday, so I took the opportunity to make a few changes. The kitchen chairs with pen on them have been moved to the garage, the broken lamp has been moved on the floor - right where they walk by. They had a bunch of boxes piled in my hallway, so I moved it all to their bedroom.
When they returned within minutes, their attitude was slightly adjusted. The wife addressed the lamp, apologized and asked what they can do. They haven't said anything about the chairs yet, but they will - as their is no place to sit at the table!
Some may say this is a weak tatic, and I agree, but for now it is the best I can do. We need to have the talk about being quiet after 10 pm during the week. I will leave that for my dh to do.
OP...opportunistic elements have a tendency to ignore passive/subtle clues and unless you present a firm front (both you and your husband) and spell it out to them, they will continue to take advantage of your hospitality. At this point, being nice would be an act that will not produce good fruit, sorry to say.
I also find it hard to say no...but like everybody said, I had to learn the hard way.
Tell them the hospitality expired YESTERDAY!
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