Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Is it a good thing, though?
Are both persons growing through the experience or is one hindering the other? Are both working and contributing or is one carrying the other?
Is the relationship actually limiting life or adding to it?
Life, it seems to me, can be exactly what we make of it and we do not have to settle for old social norms just because our moms chose to settle for them.
But if my parents (or any married couple) want a lifetime marriage with (or without) children and a partner who loves and respects them, and that's what they have and what they worked for all their lives, how is that settling? Don't get married if that's not what you want.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 09-16-2011 at 02:15 PM..
I can't believe the amount of times this type of question is asked on this forum. It makes me frown upon humanity at times when I realize how many of these types are out there.
Here is my answer. If you are self-less, conscientious, and truely care about the person, the answer is yes.
If your only worry in the world is about yourself, and your "happiness" (or what you think is happiness), then no, it won't be natural and it will be hard to stay with one person.
You'll hear that you can find true happiness through making others happy, do unto others as you would wish to be treated, etc. I swear sometimes I see people retrograding back to being simple animals with no cares or emotions, and not just in relationships, but also politics, and other thoughts. You're a human, embrace emotion, its part of life.
Natural? No, if I go by basic instinct and opportunity alone, it is not.
The difference is how each person put value to the many beliefs, be it religion or just personal preference.
I only have had one and only girlfriend, back in high school. We went "steady" for 9+ years partly in a long distance relationship and then through college. Got married, and still together after 15+ years, three kids.
There was a period of time when we were talking about separation and divorce. There's no third party. But rather a perception from both of us that we're both stuck in these roles. I want something fun, passion--and she does too; but neither one of us was saying it.
So I stepped up said it. To my surprise, she felt the same. But going to the point to ask each other "do you want to separate" or "do you want to divorce" or "do you still want to commit to a marriage with me?"
Whatever questions I ask, she asked the same to me. I needed to step up and answer them. It takes many naval gazing moment to be and want to be honest with myself in answering "what do I want in my life?" And so, it is a matter to telling her that.
Because, really, I want to spent my days with someone--and not just for the physical intimacy, but also for enjoying the qualities I want in a partner: intelligence, independent as far as core beliefs and values, and loyalty.
My wife has all those. She is not perfect because she has quirks. And that is ok because I too am a many with qualities and flaws.
At my age, sure I can step away from the 20+ years to go look for someone. But there is no guarantee that my search will be closer to perfect.
I think, it is a matter of finding abundance within myself. Find what I enjoy, and lead that life and invite my wife to join me doing those that I enjoy.
Sorry to differ with most of you, but in my case, religion is never put asside. My religion/faith/beliefs and my relationship with God has made me who I am. God created man for life long relationship. In God's world, he sees the marriage as now not two people but one flesh, and He states, "What God has put together, let no man destroy." So mankind was created for monogamy. The sixth commandment is Do not commit "Adultery". Divorce is a sin also under this commandment.
However, since man fell into sin, he has a sinful nature, and so the answer is because of his sinful nature, monogamy is not "natural" because man's and woman's natural tendency is to lust after "something better".
I could go into a long theological discussion, but this isn't the forum for that. However, I am amazed at how people have become. There seems to be almost no interest anymore in a life long commitment to one person. People seem to have no concern on how a divorce would damage all the others involved in the marriage. What we are seeing in our society now is the product of people who don't want to establish strong families. Its not obvious to most people but there are a lot of lonely people in their 50's and 60's with no spouse, no one to care for them, no one to love them. Their end of life isn't going to be so hot either, because with people's self centered/selfish attitudes, I don't expect their children will care much for them either.
He also has gotten on with his life. He is living with his mistress he had the last five years of our marriages.when the marriage becomes a state of bondage,,that is totally unnatural,,unnatural for your emotional,physical,and emotional health.
OP, of course it's not natural. Being with one man/woman is like eating the same food everyday. Sure, you may like pizza, but after eating pizza for a year straight, you'll start to get sick of it and want something else. Relationships are really no different, but because of social conditioning, people are taught that being with one man/woman is what you're supposed to do (which is mainly to preserve the traditional family structure). Fortunately, I realized a long time ago that it's totally unnatural and often unfulfilling, hence the reason I avoid LTRs like the plague and constantly look for new women to "hang out" with...lol
OP, of course it's not natural. Being with one man/woman is like eating the same food everyday. Sure, you may like pizza, but after eating pizza for a year straight, you'll start to get sick of it and want something else. Relationships are really no different, but because of social conditioning, people are taught that being with one man/woman is what you're supposed to do (which is mainly to preserve the traditional family structure). Fortunately, I realized a long time ago that it's totally unnatural and often unfulfilling, hence the reason I avoid LTRs like the plague and constantly look for new women to "hang out" with...lol
I guess if your man/woman is so bland and one-sided as to be just like one type of food this MIGHT be true.
In my case, my guy is so multifaceted he's more like the all you can eat buffet at Vegas that serves everything from Chinese to Cajun - he could NEVER bore me.
But if it makes you feel better to say people like me are just "socially conditioned" to be monogamous, so be it - I know the truth.
Whether it's "natural" or not, there are plenty of couples who spend their entire lives together, happily monogamous and committed to one another. This may not be be some people want or aspire to, and that's their choice.
And this line is patently absurd:
Quote:
Being with one man/woman is like eating the same food everyday. Sure, you may like pizza, but after eating pizza for a year straight, you'll start to get sick of it and want something else
Believe me, this is spoken by someone who has never been a in long-term relationship or been deeply in love with someone.
Whether it's "natural" or not, there are plenty of couples who spend their entire lives together, happily monogamous and committed to one another. This may not be be some people want or aspire to, and that's their choice.
And this line is patently absurd:
Believe me, this is spoken by someone who has never been a in long-term relationship or been deeply in love with someone.
That might be true, for the 10% (or less) of the cases where men and women go through life in long loving commited relationship. If your add up the people who have divorced (sometimes multiple times) and the people that probably should not be together even though they stay together, it is easy to see where his point of view comes from.
I guess if your man/woman is so bland and one-sided as to be just like one type of food this MIGHT be true.
In my case, my guy is so multifaceted he's more like the all you can eat buffet at Vegas that serves everything from Chinese to Cajun - he could NEVER bore me.
But if it makes you feel better to say people like me are just "socially conditioned" to be monogamous, so be it - I know the truth.
It is a good thing, I guess, that some of us believe the bs we are often fed in our childhood about prince charming. So long as we and the prince do not wake up our entire lives can be spent in the dream.
My mom felt she had that one and only in her second relationship. When he died she fell to pieces, calling me at work about seven times a day. Adults don't behave that way. Such attachment to another is a form of insecurity, in my humble opinion.
I would not say that this is the case with you, for I don't know you, but to me such comments come from immaturity or insecurity. Oh, I have also seen the most 'moral' comments coming from secretly immoral people.
Such 'love' is for Hollywood, not reality.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
