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Yes, this really bothers me. If someone really has a reason to walk up and talk to me, like to ask if we went to the same high school and that's why I look familiar or whatever, then just do it. Don't stare at me weirdly.
Yes, this really bothers me. If someone really has a reason to walk up and talk to me, like to ask if we went to the same high school and that's why I look familiar or whatever, then just do it. Don't stare at me weirdly.
I'm actually okay with it if I look familiar to the person. They typically have that expression of 'recognition' on their face. It's more if they have that 'hungry' look, or that 'eye candy' look or 'I want to do something' look. If they look at me like they want something from me, I may or may not see what is up...
Yeah I'd say 9 times out of 10 when I've been caught looking at someone, it's because I thought I knew them from somewhere or they looked really familiar. Oh, well.
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Originally Posted by TJenkins602
I agree!
Hell, even women are going to have a hard time making it work towards men.
I used to "stalk" people around when I was much younger, and I made it work. But I am a smallish woman (not very threatening at all.) I actually have more experience doing this with other women, than with men. With men, I just had to look until they looked at me, then smile and look away, and they'd usually come talk to me. With other women, I had to follow them around a bit. I used to make a game of it in bars as a very young adult. I'd "hunt" like that and eventually when I wound up having a woman interested and talking to me, I'd foist her off on some guy I was hanging out with. How did I spot the ones who were bi, and who were not going to freak out about some chick actively cruising them like that? I dunno. But I was good at it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602
I was born in the 80s but grew up throughout the late 80s, 90s. I listen to some of the songs for example of that 80s era...Yikes?
Even some of the singers cringe at the songs they performed back in the 80s (Sting for example). I think that kind of behavior was a little more acceptable back then. It was when it has led to certain extremes with a celebrity that laws have been made for it.
Yeah though, we are talking the late 90's when I was doing that.
Very culturally different at that time for one thing. Also I'm older and lazier now. Now I just sit, or stand around, and they come to me. People always want to talk to me, but I've always been good at talking to strangers. I'm not in the market for a date, but I make new connections almost every day, and if I were looking, I'd have abundance.
Honestly I think that the "staring you down" thing is overstating the situation, and the use of the word "predatory" is confusing because I don't think the OP meant like a stalker, so much as like a tiger or a wolf or something. That smoldering, hungry look. I do think that even today, eye contact is a powerful tool and used correctly can get a primal response. But if you know yourself to be bad at reading nonverbal communication, then you're better off not trying to use this. The difference between it being hot, and being creepy, has a ton to do with how your subject reacts and how quickly you understand the message and heed it appropriately.
In other words, if you are on the spectrum, this game is probably not going to be your strong suit.
Yeah I'd say 9 times out of 10 when I've been caught looking at someone, it's because I thought I knew them from somewhere or they looked really familiar. Oh, well.
I used to "stalk" people around when I was much younger, and I made it work. But I am a smallish woman (not very threatening at all.) I actually have more experience doing this with other women, than with men. With men, I just had to look until they looked at me, then smile and look away, and they'd usually come talk to me. With other women, I had to follow them around a bit. I used to make a game of it in bars as a very young adult. I'd "hunt" like that and eventually when I wound up having a woman interested and talking to me, I'd foist her off on some guy I was hanging out with. How did I spot the ones who were bi, and who were not going to freak out about some chick actively cruising them like that? I dunno. But I was good at it.
Yeah though, we are talking the late 90's when I was doing that.
Very culturally different at that time for one thing. Also I'm older and lazier now. Now I just sit, or stand around, and they come to me. People always want to talk to me, but I've always been good at talking to strangers. I'm not in the market for a date, but I make new connections almost every day, and if I were looking, I'd have abundance.
Honestly I think that the "staring you down" thing is overstating the situation, and the use of the word "predatory" is confusing because I don't think the OP meant like a stalker, so much as like a tiger or a wolf or something. That smoldering, hungry look. I do think that even today, eye contact is a powerful tool and used correctly can get a primal response. But if you know yourself to be bad at reading nonverbal communication, then you're better off not trying to use this. The difference between it being hot, and being creepy, has a ton to do with how your subject reacts and how quickly you understand the message and heed it appropriately.
In other words, if you are on the spectrum, this game is probably not going to be your strong suit.
Yeah, even then, it was somewhat okay.
I may be on the spectrum. My mental health was "questioned" when I was a child. I don't see it working for me.
I'm used to people doing things like that to me, and feeling uncomfortable in most cases... If I were to try it... nope!!!
Then again, I am not that tall or big. Nowhere near as big or tall as I am hyped to be anyway.
My first reaction is to look down and make sure nothing is hanging out. My second reaction is, WTH is he staring at? Lol
I live and near and frequent the beach ( surf three or four times a week) ... guys stare, guys will come up and talk to you while looking you up and down like you’re on the menu or something. Doesn’t bother nor intimidate me one bit. I just think to myself, “ you can’t touch thisâ€. Lol
I dunno, what do you mean predatory? If it is a hot guy and he looks subtle and flirty, I might look back. It's fun to look. If you mean like an ******* stalker, then I give it right back to him or look away with a poker face and never let him know I noticed. If I think someone is a danger I back up to a wall and let them pass and walk behind them.
I was in an elevator with a weird guy at a hospital about 3 years ago. I reported him. He was the kind that give you the creeps and my name is creepy, so he had to have been really creepy. I called the hospitals Police dept. and reported him. he was talking to me and smiling in a weird way.
Not scared or uncomfortable, but cautious. When this has happened in the past, it has preceded something like inching closer to me on the subway train and attempting to talk to me even after I told him I was reading. Then sitting closer and closer in an attempt to touch. Then following me off the train when I got off at my stop...
If he wants to send predatory signals, I will send signals myself. Depending on where I am, if I have mace with me, I will casually take it out into my hand. If not, I will do the same with a key. I have never had anyone proceed with anything other than staring after doing that.
Predatory staring has nothing to do with dating or relationships. To the degree that that person might think it does only reflects the fact that he is f'ed in the head.
Yeah I'd say 9 times out of 10 when I've been caught looking at someone, it's because I thought I knew them from somewhere or they looked really familiar. Oh, well.
I used to "stalk" people around when I was much younger, and I made it work. But I am a smallish woman (not very threatening at all.) I actually have more experience doing this with other women, than with men. With men, I just had to look until they looked at me, then smile and look away, and they'd usually come talk to me. With other women, I had to follow them around a bit. I used to make a game of it in bars as a very young adult. I'd "hunt" like that and eventually when I wound up having a woman interested and talking to me, I'd foist her off on some guy I was hanging out with. How did I spot the ones who were bi, and who were not going to freak out about some chick actively cruising them like that? I dunno. But I was good at it.
Yeah though, we are talking the late 90's when I was doing that.
Very culturally different at that time for one thing. Also I'm older and lazier now. Now I just sit, or stand around, and they come to me. People always want to talk to me, but I've always been good at talking to strangers. I'm not in the market for a date, but I make new connections almost every day, and if I were looking, I'd have abundance.
Honestly I think that the "staring you down" thing is overstating the situation, and the use of the word "predatory" is confusing because I don't think the OP meant like a stalker, so much as like a tiger or a wolf or something. That smoldering, hungry look. I do think that even today, eye contact is a powerful tool and used correctly can get a primal response. But if you know yourself to be bad at reading nonverbal communication, then you're better off not trying to use this. The difference between it being hot, and being creepy, has a ton to do with how your subject reacts and how quickly you understand the message and heed it appropriately.
In other words, if you are on the spectrum, this game is probably not going to be your strong suit.
There's this one woman I met from Match.com that told me that she had 2 occasions of men not only checking her out, but following her around whatever store or mall or flea market she was at. They'd stalk her from a distance, but eventually approach.
One of them eaves dropped on her conversation with a vendor and he used that topic as an ice breaker to her when he got the courage to approach. NEedless to say, it came off rather creepy as she knew it was a conversation she had earlier with someone several aisles back.
But you know, that's part of the challenge for men or the big challenge, is trying to figure out the RIGHT time to approach...IF there ever IS a time.
It makes me want to punch him in the face but I'm a guy.
I know the feeling. I sometimes say something smart-alleck-y.
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