What would you do? (boyfriend, women, love, attracted)

[hollygolightly]

My boyfriend (supposedly fiance) is kind to me physically, which was not the case with my ex. He would never abuse me, but he says things that hurt my feelings, ex. I brought up a topic just to start a conversation, and his response was "no, but I bet you're going to tell me." Should I overlook this, because I know he's not incredibly socially skilled?

[kaykay]

This is just me, but in a close relationship, I would definitely confront it. I would just point out that comments such as that hurt my feelings.

[Marylandkitten]

Sounds to me like he doesn't really care to think you have anything worthy of a contribution towards a conversation.

Are you ok with being a trophy? Or would you like to be able to converse with him once in awhile.

- you may have just caught him in a bad mood, or after a bad day. I would try difussing the situation by trying to find out what was really bothering him and talk about it. If that doesn't work, it couldn't hurt to let him know.. "you treat me like crap? watch this crap walk away"

He either cares enough about you to consider what is coming out of his mouth towards you before he says it ... or he doesn't.

[Picassine]

Originally Posted by hollygolightly

My boyfriend (supposedly fiance) is kind to me physically, which was not the case with my ex. He would never abuse me, but he says things that hurt my feelings, ex. I brought up a topic just to start a conversation, and his response was "no, but I bet you're going to tell me." Should I overlook this, because I know he's not incredibly socially skilled?

Bottomline... never EVER let anyone abuse you, whether it is physically or verbally or emotionally... just don't let that happen.

Women tend to overlook abuse when it's not physical... sometimes, that's how it starts... smoothly then he works his way up to more abuse.

Confront him and let him know, right off the bat, that YOU WILL NOT tolerate any abuse... period.

[Marylandkitten]

ummm..

Bottomline... never EVER let anyone tell you what to do...in regards to your own relationship. Take this all with a grain of salt, love. Only you know your bf, and what might have set him off, and what might be what he considers "not a big deal" in how he treats you.

Like I said above, try to find out if something else is bothering him? starting a fight "confronting him" and shoving your finger in his face and laying down the law that you don't want to be treated like that... will start a fight. hehe, it won't necessarily make things any better.

Treat everyone how you would want to be treated. Don't attack him on this. But don't let him walk on you either. It can start an awful pattern of "overlooking hurtful things", until you get so lost in if you are overlooking too much? or keep going? that you don't know which is up from down.

(((hugs)))

[rockky]

Originally Posted by hollygolightly

My boyfriend (supposedly fiance) is kind to me physically, which was not the case with my ex. He would never abuse me, but he says things that hurt my feelings, ex. I brought up a topic just to start a conversation, and his response was "no, but I bet you're going to tell me." Should I overlook this, because I know he's not incredibly socially skilled?

holly, His comment was hurtful. It was also sarcastic.

Sarcasm is a base form of anger and feeling out of control. The nasties are delivered as a supposed sense of humor. Nope. Wrong.

Unfortunately, more verbal abuse usually follows when the one who delivers the message feels in control.

Do you feel in a position to look directly at him and say, "I hear anger in your voice. What you said hurts me. Can we talk about the issue directly"?

Your defenses will go down, and you can talk about what is *really* the problem if he agrees to discuss his feelings. If you hear more sarcasm or an unwillingness to hold an adult conversation, you have no reason to engage furthur.

Communication is paramount in a successful relationship. If you don't both feel free to be direct and respectful, chances of a lasting relationship are compromised.

We all get emotional and screw up. We're human. It's getting things back on track that matter.

Best wishes to you.

[Roaddog]

Talk to him, some people get into a habbit of talking like that and don't think about how the other person feels, tell him how it hurts you.

[songinthewind7]

You haven't asked him why he does this? Could be a bad mood but if he's always like this and you have asked him what his problem in life is and he continues to treat you like this, run as fast as you can the other way. Nobody needs to be abused like this. Plenty of folks in the world that will listen to you.

[spiritwalker]

Originally Posted by songinthewind7

You haven't asked him why he does this? Could be a bad mood but if he's always like this and you have asked him what his problem in life is and he continues to treat you like this, run as fast as you can the other way. Nobody needs to be abused like this. Plenty of folks in the world that will listen to you.

Abuse in any shape or form is intolerable.........Obviously he has qualities to which you are attracted...Approach him in a civil manner and ask him "What's Up?.
If his response is evasive or abusive toss him to the heap !!!! If he is responsive in a positive way then years from now out of nowhere you will get flowers with a card that reads thank you for helping me see the error of my ways so many years ago. I sincerely hope the latter outcome will take place. Keep your head up
Spiritwalker

[Rapture]

Originally Posted by hollygolightly

My boyfriend (supposedly fiance) is kind to me physically, which was not the case with my ex. He would never abuse me, but he says things that hurt my feelings, ex. I brought up a topic just to start a conversation, and his response was "no, but I bet you're going to tell me." Should I overlook this, because I know he's not incredibly socially skilled?

You started with "My boyfriend (supposedly fiance)" that alone sends up red flags. You obviously have more wrong with your relationship then him being sarcastic. Sorry to say that but if you're not sure then you probably need to have a long talk with him.

If he was sarcastic and is always that way, then there's a problem with him respecting you're feelings and you. If he only did it one time or once in a while then maybe he's joking but it depends, did he laugh after he said it?