I may have found a woman who's actually interested! (clothes, romantic, picture)

[h886]

Originally Posted by Hawk50

I actually want to keep things as they are, I really enjoy her company.

She's the one who wants to break things off; she hasn't even told me why. All I get is "you know why" or "you hurt me" or "never talk to me again"

Clearly, she doesn't want to keep things as they are.

"You hurt me," seems like a perfectly fine answer. And frankly, either person can decide at any time that a relationship (FWB, committed, friendship or otherwise) isn't for them and bow out. They don't have to give a reason.

If she's telling you to get lost, sounds like she's making her wishes clear. If you suspect (I don't buy that you're so clueless as you claim) that it's because she wants a real commitment and you just want easy NSA sex, you have a choice. You can choose to offer her what she's looking for, or you can choose to look elsewhere. No one is forcing you to keep seeing her. What you can't do is force her to change, to want to be around you on your terms.

[Prince_Frog]

Originally Posted by Hawk50

Why is it irrelevant? We agreed before hand, and now she's changing her story.

Also, she is the one telling me she wants to end things, I actually want to keep things the way they are.

I'd also still like to be friends with her after I leave.

i can see you have a thick skull. Let me uh...Help.

You need to understand that having repeated sexual encounters with someone can easily develop emotional attachment and feelings for that person. Even after 1 these feelings can develop.

Just because she agreed to just be FWB going into this relationship doesn't mean she can't develop feelings for you because she said so.

This is someone's emotions now, not someone's word. She unsupectingly developed feelings for you during, and now she expressed them to you, and now you have to give her an answer. either stop the move, end it with her(and possibly the relationship all together), or try to talk her into continuing the current relationship as is, which will end up hurting her even more, and possibly doing emotional damage.

BTW, this is often what happens to people who try FWB. I think the both of you got into more than what you were expecting.

[Hawk50]

Okay, I understand now, I think.


Question -- is this my "fault" per say?

[Hawk50]

All she keeps saying is things like "you don't know what you want in your life" "dont worry about me, go have fun" "we didn't even have anything to begin with."

She's not actually telling me WHY she doesn't want to see me anymore, aside from, "I have developed feelings I can't control."

[h886]

Originally Posted by Hawk50

Okay, I understand now, I think.

Question -- is this my "fault" per say?

No, this is no one's fault. She honestly likes you and wants a relationship. You like her okay, but not enough that you'll do what it takes to have a relationship. In other circumstances, you two might have made a fine couple, but in these circumstances, it won't work. You're a mismatch because you want different things. Call it a loss and move on. You'll both probably go on to find other people much better suited to you.

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by Hawk50

Okay, I understand now, I think.


Question -- is this my "fault" per say?

No. It's not your "fault" that you don't have feelings that make you want to take things further with her. That's just how it is.

It does become your "fault" if, knowing everything you know now, you string her along just for the sex, fully realizing it's hurting her. So I would break it off.

[Hawk50]

Originally Posted by h886

No, this is no one's fault. She honestly likes you and wants a relationship. You like her okay, but not enough that you'll do what it takes to have a relationship. In other circumstances, you two might have made a fine couple, but in these circumstances, it won't work. You're a mismatch because you want different things. Call it a loss and move on. You'll both probably go on to find other people much better suited to you.

Okay, thanks. I feel awful for having hurt her, I wish there was something I could do for her.

[h886]

Originally Posted by Hawk50

All she keeps saying is things like "you don't know what you want in your life" "dont worry about me, go have fun" "we didn't even have anything to begin with."

She's not actually telling me WHY she doesn't want to see me anymore, aside from, "I have developed feelings I can't control."

Um, it sounds like she's giving you LOTS of reasons. Maybe you're just not listening.

"I have developed feelings I can't control."

Pretty simple, man. She likes you and wants a relationship. You don't want that. Nothing in it any more for her except to get hurt. She's smart to kick you to the curb. That's why she doesn't want to see you. You're not offering anything she wants. You'll only use her for sex and leave her missing you. Nothing good in it for her.

"You don't know what you want in your life."

This one sounds accurate too, or at least, if you do know what you want, you know it's not what she wants: a real relationship. She's doing the right thing. She's not trying to make you something you're not. She's just not willing to settle for scraps when she wants the entire meal. Sounds like a smart girl.

"Don't worry about me, go have fun."

That's what you wanted to do anyway, right? Just have fun and not make any commitments? So what's the problem? If there's no commitment involved, it shouldn't matter if it's her or someone else.

"We didn't even have anything to begin with."

Well, that was the original plan, right? Then she developed feelings. You didn't. No harm, no foul.

[h886]

Originally Posted by Hawk50

Okay, thanks. I feel awful for having hurt her, I wish there was something I could do for her.

There is something you can do. You can leave her alone and free her to go find someone better suited for her. Don't draw this out and try to worm back in with offers of "friends" or anything else. Allow her to make a clean break.

[Hawk50]

Thanks, everyone. I appreciate it.

I just wish she was more clear rather than sending mean/rambling texts all the time.