I may have found a woman who's actually interested!

[Hawk50]

Originally Posted by h886

There is something you can do. You can leave her alone and free her to go find someone better suited for her. Don't draw this out and try to worm back in with offers of "friends" or anything else. Allow her to make a clean break.

Okay.

So if she texts me, say, tomorrow, I shouldn't reply?

Edit: See now I get a text saying, "I just want to hold you!! "

[Ro2113]

Originally Posted by h886

There is something you can do. You can leave her alone and free her to go find someone better suited for her. Don't draw this out and try to worm back in with offers of "friends" or anything else. Allow her to make a clean break.

Or maybe he can find someone better suited for him.

[FelixTheCat]

the relationship is rapidly deteriorating. if dont you wish to destroy the friendship, back off now.

[h886]

Originally Posted by Ro2113

Or maybe he can find someone better suited for him.

You'll notice I advocated just that in another post. He asked in this specific one what he could do for her.

Hawk, just ignore the texts. Enough has been said and unless you've changed your position, nothing more needs to be said. You two have laid it on the table and you want different things. She's grieving and handling the breakup in a typical hurt, not always logical fashion. You're not hurting because you didn't develop the same feelings she did (which is not your fault, it just is.)

Ignore and allow this to make a clean break.

[FelixTheCat]

Originally Posted by Hawk50

Okay.

So if she texts me, say, tomorrow, I shouldn't reply?

Edit: See now I get a text saying, "I just want to hold you!! "

this is normal to have mixed feeling when things end. a week of no contact will fade these back and forth emotions.

[Hawk50]

What about being intimate, but keeping our clothes on. Its her suggestion, would that, "work?"

[h886]

Originally Posted by Hawk50

What about being intimate, but keeping our clothes on. Its her suggestion, would that, "work?"

You're missing the big picture.

She wants you. She wants you to be hers. She wants a relationship. She wants you to hold her close right now, but be there day after day, week after week. She wants the full deal.

You want her for physical pleasure. Maybe a small bit of temporary companionship before you move. You don't want to commit to her. You're not willing to stay for her. You don't want to make the effort for a long distance thing. You want to have fun in the here and now and ditch her once it's no longer convenient.

See how you two don't have compatible wants?

If you use her now, if you maintain contact and use her to satisfy YOU in the short term knowing you can't offer what SHE wants in the long term, that would be a very selfish act. You would only hurt her more in the act of satisfying yourself.

Do the right thing. Don't respond. I agree with Felix. After a week or so of no-contact, the hurt will start fading for her. You keep stringing it along, you go back to step one every time. Yeah, I know she's the one texting you, but she's hurting and you're not because you don't have any feelings involved. Do the right thing and don't answer. It would be a heel move to satisfy yourself at her expense.

[Hawk50]

LOL now she wants to stay, my God...

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by Hawk50

What about being intimate, but keeping our clothes on. Its her suggestion, would that, "work?"

It would continue to feed her feelings for you and would keep her thinking, "Maybe there's still a chance."

Tell her right now that there is no chance for a future romantic relationship and that you two need to distance yourselves from one another.

Haven't you been in this situation from the other side? What advice was given to you then? What worked? Think about that.

[Prince_Frog]

Originally Posted by Hawk50

Okay, I understand now, I think.


Question -- is this my "fault" per say?

Allow me to reiterate that this was no person's fault. Feelings and emotions are for the most part uncontrollable and no one can really handle there own emotions when put in a situation like this.

But now, I think she's confused. She says she does want to stay and she doesn't want to stay. If this is correct, she's confused about what she wants. In this case, I would sit down and talk to her about his situation. A long discussion.

If she isn't lying, and does have feelings for you, she won't be able to conceal them or bottle them up. I think in this situation you will either have to begin a relationship with her, or break ties off with her entirely. For her to heal, it has to be one way or the other, no gray areas or in betweens. The heart can't just be jerked around like a piece of jerky in a dogs mouth like that.