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Old 09-12-2011, 08:14 AM
 
2,345 posts, read 1,288,210 times
Reputation: 1934
Honestly, I would create my own account and not give her access to it. If she can't understand how detrimental that is, that's a big problem. I was goingto say divorce her, but that's just what I would do, but making your own account seems more logical.

From my experience with these women, some sure as hell won't take responsibility or be around when you lose your job or they spend all your money.
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Old 09-12-2011, 09:32 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, Arizona
1,505 posts, read 1,039,051 times
Reputation: 3504
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bruto View Post
I have some inheritance that I recently got, and money saved for retirement in personal savings, ivestments, IRA, and 401k. I have recently retired and will begin drawing a pension next year. I don't know what I can do legally, but know I cannot afford to have take 50% of everthing, including my pension. I will have nothing to live on. Help!!!

Yeah, you can afford to have her "take" 50% of everything. That is why it is called marriage. And you will have more than nothing to live on: You'll have 50% of what you previously had to live on. Would you rather stay with her and have her have access to 100% of your money while incurring credit card debt that if she hides it has high interest rates and have to wonder on a daily basis if she is spending more. In your situation, I would consider being able to get rid of her for the one low cost of 50% of everything I have to be the deal of the century. You obviously do not love her since I did not read a single thing in your post that would indicate that and if it just comes down to money, life is short - you will enjoy far more of it, alone and without her if you just cut her loose. And yeah there is a price associated with getting rid of her, but there is with everything in life.

Last edited by Skydive Outlaw; 09-12-2011 at 09:52 AM..
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Old 09-12-2011, 09:41 AM
 
Location: SW Missouri
14,843 posts, read 17,275,925 times
Reputation: 18904
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bruto View Post
Help. My wife is out of control. She is a stay at home person. She does not work, has no income and the kids are grown, married and independent. She has a spending problem to the extent that she hides purchases, credit cards bills. and outrightly lies about what she is doing. She will even tell me she did not buy something when I know and can show she did. She has credit card balances, continues to open new credit cards, and thinks nothing of spending more income that I bring in. Then she blames me for it all and just threatens that she wants a divorce and wants half of everything. I have some inheritance that I recently got, and money saved for retirement in personal savings, ivestments, IRA, and 401k. I have recently retired and will begin drawing a pension next year. I don't know what I can do legally, but know I cannot afford to have take 50% of everthing, including my pension. I will have nothing to live on. Help!!! I am willing to work it out and have offered to set-up a seperate cheching account for her that we can put money into each month so she can buy what-ever, within the amount deposited. all excess each month stays in the account, but she finds this too restrictive. Again; HELP!
Open a checking account for YOU and do not tell her about it. Deposit your money into it and give her an allowance. As far as credit cards, cancel all of your joint accounts and make her apply for her own, which she will be responsible to pay for herself (do not allow her to put your name on the applications). Also, contact the credit reporting companies and make sure your account is LOCKED so that they will not process any request without your permission.

You need to remove yourself from the liability, or else you will become destitute and lose everything you have worked your whole life for.

Try to find a counselor that deals specifically with this type of addiction and behavior. First, however, you have to get your wife to understand and admit she has a problem, which is going to be difficult. Until she is willing to do this, all the counseling in the world isn't going to help her.

It is obvious that she has some deep-seated emotional issues that need to be addressed. You might even consult an attorney to find out what options are available to you to protect your assets.

You will be glad one day, that you did. Trust me.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 09-12-2011, 09:55 AM
 
Location: Florida
2,301 posts, read 4,147,237 times
Reputation: 2250
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bruto View Post
I don't know what I can do legally, but know I cannot afford to have take 50% of everthing, including my pension.
Reminds me of the old joke:

Why are divorces so expensive?

Because they're worth it!

Seriously though, like the above poster said, are you better off keeping her around so she can blow through 100% of your money, or letting her walk with 50%, giving you complete control of the remaining 50%?

Who knows, maybe if you make a convincing case to the judge about her toxic spending habits, he/she will rule in your favor and give you the farm. Wouldn't count on it though. You're a male, which means you have to be married to an axe murderer or worse to receive any sympathy whatsoever from a judge in divorce court.
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Old 09-12-2011, 12:26 PM
 
1,464 posts, read 1,594,641 times
Reputation: 1091
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellwood View Post
The excess shopping and spending might be a sign of something else entirely i.e. depression, unhappiness, etc.

You might try mental health counciling.

might be a sign of her being a selfish thoughtless *****
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Old 09-12-2011, 12:53 PM
 
Location: Rockwall
675 posts, read 712,947 times
Reputation: 1069
Yikes!

She needs a different hobby.

Or a J.O.B.

Put a stop to it or kiss your comfortable retirement good-bye.
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Old 09-12-2011, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Texas
28,114 posts, read 22,952,808 times
Reputation: 33613
Let me understand.

She says she will divorce you if you don't let her have her way with her wasteful and excessive spending, and you want to stay married to this person?

A person who threatens you with the consequences of cutting off her addictions?

Would this even be a conversation if you substituted 'shoots up coke' for 'spends too much money'?

Cancel your credit cards NOW. All of them. Pay them off and re-open in your name only. Open a brand new checking account in your name only, and shift as much of your savings to other various accounts.
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Old 09-12-2011, 12:58 PM
 
Location: San Gabriel Valley, CA
11,820 posts, read 12,331,610 times
Reputation: 7910
Quote:
Originally Posted by elikhom View Post
Tell her that for every extra item she buys she needs to give you a bj.

Win - win.
Oh BWAH HA HA. Dave? Dave, is that you...?
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Old 09-12-2011, 12:59 PM
 
Location: San Gabriel Valley, CA
11,820 posts, read 12,331,610 times
Reputation: 7910
On a more serious note, I posted about this recently in the Mental Health section. I don't spend anywhere near as wildly as your wife does, I do have kids in the home (young ones, one with special needs) and I do work from home, but I think I've pinpointed it down to a sort of a compulsion which makes me feel great for like 10 seconds. Along that vein, if I were you I'd gently encourage the wife to seek counseling. It could be a MH issue, it could be depression...boredom...there are lots of things it could be, but spending like that for no reason isn't normal and isn't the hallmark of a happy person.
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Old 09-12-2011, 01:01 PM
 
Location: Texas
28,114 posts, read 22,952,808 times
Reputation: 33613
Call her bluff, man. Call her bluff.
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