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Help. My wife is out of control. She is a stay at home person. She does not work, has no income and the kids are grown, married and independent. She has a spending problem to the extent that she hides purchases, credit cards bills. and outrightly lies about what she is doing. She will even tell me she did not buy something when I know and can show she did. She has credit card balances, continues to open new credit cards, and thinks nothing of spending more income that I bring in. Then she blames me for it all and just threatens that she wants a divorce and wants half of everything. I have some inheritance that I recently got, and money saved for retirement in personal savings, ivestments, IRA, and 401k. I have recently retired and will begin drawing a pension next year. I don't know what I can do legally, but know I cannot afford to have take 50% of everthing, including my pension. I will have nothing to live on. Help!!! I am willing to work it out and have offered to set-up a seperate cheching account for her that we can put money into each month so she can buy what-ever, within the amount deposited. all excess each month stays in the account, but she finds this too restrictive. Again; HELP!
Since you are the one with the paycheck, perhaps you could open a new checking account in your name only, change the direct deposit, and then siphon off some money each paycheck for her. She will object but your paycheck is in your name, so you can do whatever you want with it.
It seems that you have let this situation spiral way out of control, so now you have to get tough about it. You might also consult a lawyer, particularly about the inheritance. From what other people here have said, the inheritance is yours alone unless you start commingling funds and sharing it with her. You really need to talk to a lawyer about it. If your wife won't stop opening new credit cards and running up her balances, you might seriously consider taking the financial hit of divorce now, as broke as its going to make you, rather than wait for the situation to get much worse when you are older and cannot build your savings back up. If she's going to bleed you dry anyway, you need to evaluate your options.
I am willing to work it out and have offered to set-up a seperate cheching account for her that we can put money into each month so she can buy what-ever, within the amount deposited. all excess each month stays in the account, but she finds this too restrictive. Again; HELP!
Restrictive of what? Her ability to blow all the money you have worked hard for your whole life?
If you are out breaking your back to make a living for the two of you, and she is doing nothing but spending the money you earn, she has no right to tell you that you are being "restrictive" just because you are trying to inject some fiscal responsibility into your family budget. That is ridiculous. If she wants to blow money, she needs to get a JOB.
You need to strap on a pair and tell her that as long as you are the one making the money, you will be the one in charge of the budget, and starting today, your family will be doing something that is unheard of these days and living on LESS than you make.
Finally, give her an Alec Baldwin quote to chew on: "If you don't like it... leave."
Since you are the one with the paycheck, perhaps you could open a new checking account in your name only, change the direct deposit, and then siphon off some money each paycheck for her. She will object but your paycheck is in your name, so you can do whatever you want with it.
The paycheck isn't the problem; the credit cards are. He should just take them away.
The paycheck isn't the problem; the credit cards are. He should just take them away.
I agree that credit cards are a problem, but all she has to do is pick up the phone and tell the CC companies that she lost her wallet and needs new cards. The OP has already said she lies and hides things from him, so I wouldn't put such a thing past a person like that. If she's really sneaky, all she has to do is open a P.O. Box and direct all her mail there, and there's nothing the OP can do about that. He can't stop her from receiving her mail, using her credit cards, or opening new lines of credit. If she only pays the minimum on her cards, she will be paying them off for years and years and years.
Something very drastic has to happen. I was hoping that his taking his paycheck away would show her that he meant business, and they could start working something out. At the very least, she needs to show him her credit report (so he can see all her open lines of credit and their balances), work with him to establish a budget to pay them off ASAP, and quit spending. But easier said than done, especially if she is a compulsive shopper.
I agree that credit cards are a problem, but all she has to do is pick up the phone and tell the CC companies that she lost her wallet and needs new cards.
I doubt she can get her own cards with no income. She's probably an authorized user of his. Then again, I do remember getting one when I wasn't working, so I might be wrong. That was way back when credit cards were given away to just about anybody, though.
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