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A really good friend of mine is a member of an american baptist church. We met in college, so I've known her for 20 something years. She is the kindest, friendliest and most considerate person you'll ever meet. For the last several months she's been confiding in me that she's been bullied by some people within the church, and one of them is the pastor's wife. It has come to the point that she and her family want to change church. Does bulling happen in churches? I've never been a church goer and did not grow up in that scenerio. I understand bullies can be found everywhere people are, and I believe her, but find it hard to except the fact that people who say they live by the fruits of the spirit, can actually be quite mean and gossipy. If so, why bother attending church? Is it only for socializing?
I'm really curious to why she's being bullied. Does she not "fit in" for some reason?
Yes, some churches do have their fare share of self-righteous bullies in their congregation. But your friend does not have to attend this particular church, does she?
And, no, church is not just for socializing. Although the attending members are often a community, you can certainly do your worship and go home. I know ~ that's how I am.
Church bullies, in theory should be an oxymoron, but in reality they do exist and are very common. That is one reason why I don't go to church anymore. From my experience, church-goers (not necessarily Christians) are some of worst a-holes I've dealt with. They are shady, judgemental, gossiping, backstabbing, and hypocrites. Of course there are bad people everywhere, but if they go to church (even if they're not saved), I hold them to a higher standard. Another reason I stopped going is because that church was too politically conservative, which might explain why they weren't very nice. They supported GWB and the Iraq War, which I didn't agree with (it was back in 2003). I remember going to bible studies on a Friday night and one guy in our prayers would thank God that we have a good Christian president.
For the OP, how big is your friends church? From my experience, the large megachurches have been less friendly than the smaller ones.
Nah, church isn't for socializing, not necessarily anyways. Yes, most people gather there to socialize with people they haven't spoken in numerous days or months. However, some people actually go to do "business".
Like you said though; there are bullies where there are people. I remember something that happened years ago. My brother and I were really good friends with these two other girls. We've known them through a long time. One day we stopped going to their house. We asked if we could go and our mom said, "No", but lied to us the real reason. I found out later that their mom threatened our mom about a new job she was trying to get. Something that had to do with our parents divorce, because it was against our church's beliefs or something like that.
Divorce is no happy picnic to go through. I don't have first hand experience, except on the kids-side of it. Yet, to have someone that is a good friend threaten you about something that the "church's beliefs" were threatened, doesn't make it any better. There was some that were worse incidents, too. One we actually stopped going to a certain school because of it.
Anyways, we just stopped going to that church. My brother and I left a lot of friends there that we haven't seen sense middle school. The church still grows today but has changed a lot sense. They're more "government" now. Thankfully, there are other church's about that is a heck of a lot nicer and is also willing to accept your "donation". Instead of paying the bills of a pastor, they're actually going to a good cause, to help the people of the church.
I understand bullies can be found everywhere people are, and I believe her, but find it hard to except the fact that people who say they live by the fruits of the spirit, can actually be quite mean and gossipy. If so, why bother attending church? Is it only for socializing?
There are people on this earth who slaughter, rape, and murder one another in the name of religion, why should it surprise you that someone could be bullied by some mental midgets of a congregation? Tell her to find a new church, problem solved.
A really good friend of mine is a member of an american baptist church. We met in college, so I've known her for 20 something years. She is the kindest, friendliest and most considerate person you'll ever meet. For the last several months she's been confiding in me that she's been bullied by some people within the church, and one of them is the pastor's wife. It has come to the point that she and her family want to change church. Does bulling happen in churches? I've never been a church goer and did not grow up in that scenerio. I understand bullies can be found everywhere people are, and I believe her, but find it hard to except the fact that people who say they live by the fruits of the spirit, can actually be quite mean and gossipy. If so, why bother attending church? Is it only for socializing?
How are these people bullying your friend?
Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode
"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car."
People are human and do things that are wrong. People take vows to love honour and cherish - and we know how often those vows are broken. That there are bullies in churches where people are acting contrary to what they allegedly believe and vow to, should not come as a huge surprise. A disappointment, yes, but not a surprise.
When I used to go to church I saw some really hideous things - not just from regular people but from pastors as well. Tell your friend to hightail it out of there and find a place where people are kinder.
A church is a human institution, run by human beings with human failings. There are churches with an embracing culture where all members are valued and there are churches that succumb to the worst impulses of human nature, dividing into cliques. Pick up and move to a different church, one that nurtures your ideals.
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