Why do men still have to pursue? (screaming, bars, successful)

[2mares]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

Tried repeatedly to "learn" body language...and failed, miserably each time (always misinterpreted it, pretty much 99.999% of the time) To this day, I am still almost totally abysmal at it, despite having tried, even to the point of reading multiple self-help books on it and similar efforts...it just doesn't come naturally, to me...

I wonder if those of us who aren't necessarily "visually-gifted" people, have a distinct disadvantage in this area?

Defiantely! If you cant read any body language you would be at a disadvantage in any situation where you would interact with higher life forms.

[justsomeguy5]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

The power of the spoken word can be vastly clearer than any expressed female non-verbal cue -- body language certainly does not come naturally to all of us guys, and for those where this is the case, body language is a definite hit-or-miss (and usually a miss, b/c we tend to misinterpret ).

Just for example: if a guy is blind visually, realistically he is gonna need words, *not* visual cues which he can't even "see" or make sense of, to be able to gauge potential female interest. That is the analogy in a nutshell for us guys who are routinely "blinded" and burned, by body language ...ladies, if you like a guy, please be gentle, and express it to him through words, so he won't be as likely to misunderstand Doesn't necessarily have to be expressed super-directly or as something that might be otherwise attributed as more juvenile, either, as some posters have insinuated C'mon ladies, science has generally recognized the female gender as being more savvy and gifted wth words and language constructs in general -- so why not use that language gift, and help us guys out here a lil? You know we love you...we just can't always read you though, is all

You couldn't tell me that based on how many posters have said that this is a horrible idea.

[Z3N1TH 0N3]

Originally Posted by Veyron

Why do men still have to pursue? I was talking to this one girl and we were connecting extremely well. She was really interested in me and what not. She had to leave and she was waiting on me to ask her for her phone number.

It was awkward and obvious too. I didn't ask for her number because I'm tired of pursueing. Its tiring and a waste of energy. I'm actually considering giving up and marrying my right hand.

I think most girls are simply raised that way. It may also be instinctive on their part, as in it may be in their internal wiring. There are some girls who will be more aggressive. The girl I'm dating right now actually pursued me, or at least through her friend she did.

[Haley James]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

Tried repeatedly to "learn" body language...and failed, miserably each time (always misinterpreted it, pretty much 99.999% of the time) To this day, I am still almost totally abysmal at it, despite having tried, even to the point of reading multiple self-help books on it and similar efforts...it just doesn't come naturally, to me...

I wonder if those of us who aren't necessarily "visually-gifted" people, have a distinct disadvantage in this area?

I'm guessing you may be better at reading body language than you think. Can you read male body language? Males communicate with eachother all the time through body language. I see it non stop at the bar where I work. I bet you pick up on it right away when another man has taken a disliking to you but hasn't "said" a word about it.

[Phoenix2017]

Originally Posted by Haley James

I'm guessing you may be better at reading body language than you think. Can you read male body language? Males communicate with eachother all the time through body language. I see it non stop at the bar where I work. I bet you pick up on it right away when another man has taken a disliking to you but hasn't "said" a word about it.

All body language is pretty challenging to read, for me...whether male or female Unless it's completely obvious of course; for example, a hateful glare or an angry stare or "the silent treatment", are all pretty self-explanatory. But if the body language is much more nuanced or indirect or abstract, it is extremely hard for me, to read...

[14Bricks]

[quote=Haley James;21043103]I'm guessing you may be better at reading body language than you think. Can you read male body language? Males communicate with eachother all the time through body language. I see it non stop at the bar where I work. I bet you pick up on it right away when another man has taken a disliking to you but hasn't "said" a word about it.[/quote]

Yeah its called a mean mug or a mag dog and in some places it can get you shot.

[Haley James]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

All body language is pretty challenging to read, for me...whether male or female Unless it's completely obvious of course; for example, a hateful glare or an angry stare or "the silent treatment", are all pretty self-explanatory. But if the body language is much more nuanced or indirect or abstract, it is extremely hard for me, to read...

That would definitely make things more challenging.

[quote=14Bricks;21043383]

Originally Posted by Haley James

I'm guessing you may be better at reading body language than you think. Can you read male body language? Males communicate with eachother all the time through body language. I see it non stop at the bar where I work. I bet you pick up on it right away when another man has taken a disliking to you but hasn't "said" a word about it.[/quote]

Yeah its called a mean mug or a mag dog and in some places it can get you shot.

Yeah, mean muggin'. I used male body language as an example for him because I thought it might be easier for him to recognize. I see all kinds of it at my bar and not just the mean mugs. lol Bro'ing down of all sorts goes on as well.

[Braunwyn]

Originally Posted by Raging-Hetero

Why? Did you skip the highlighted part from the first scenario?

I don't think so. Perhaps I misread it, but I thought I addressed it.

I'll admit that there's uncertainty, but again, that same uncertainty exists even when a resounding "No!" is uttered. Heck, there's also a level uncertainty in the latter scenarios. In addition, many people are actually sophisticated enough to subtlely obtain the real interpretation of said ambiguous gesture.

I don't see how a resounding NO could be compared to a perceived gesture from afar. Some people may be sophisticated enough to interpret others, but I wouldn't bank of that for most. CD is a good example of why. There are a lot of people with emotional problems on this forum who would be wise not to trust knee jerk perceptions willy nilly. When a person is all kinds of effed up in the head interpretation of actual interaction is probably wanting, let alone perceiving the state of others they don't actually interact with. Then, there's the above average effect (http://www.damninteresting.com/unskilled-and-unaware-of-it/ - broken link), which probably plagues a majority of people. Imo, I think it's best to air on the side of caution and not assume anything unless you are certain.

That last paragraph wasn't particurlarly directed at you Braunwyn, but I have some question for you nonetheless.

1.Have you ever subtlely indicated your disinterest in a man that was interested in you? If you have, did he get the memo? If he did, how exactly did you know, for certain, that he did?

Honestly, I'm not really sure. I've been thinking about this question today, and very little comes to mind. To be clear, I think I'm sensitive to people. If someone is uncomfortable or possibly expressing suffering in any way, I feel I'm in tune with that and reactive. When it comes to sexual interest, I got nothing. I'm reminded of an acquaintance that used to hang out at the club I manged. Maybe he worked for me (can't remember), but we knew each other for a couple of years. One night we were hanging after hours having a drink and he was talking about this woman he was in love with for some span of time. On and on he went and eventually shared that I was that woman. It really floored me. For one, he was a bud. Two, I had no idea. Maybe he was giving me signals all that time. They didn't hit my radar.

Point being, you just never know. What you also have to consider is that some men, perhaps quite a few men, are pretty aggressive/assertive with women. When a pretty female's continued experience is up front and center men trying for her attention, it all becomes relative. I had a lot of guys after me in my 20s and they weren't shy about it. The one's who were shy, or attempting to gauge something from across the room, might have been completely shadowed out in my mind, like my old bud.

[Ren0045]

What to women think think of guys who aren't doormats or spineless, but are very laidback and passive at times? That's kind of how I am. Half the time, laidbak and passive. Other times, persistent and manly.

[darrensmooth]

having read this thread, I find it suprising the amount of overly sensitve guys there are on here...why is unspoken rejection even something we are pondering, why does it even matter? As other posters have stated, unless you actually talked to the girl that you percieved non-verbally rejecting you, you havent been rejected. UNLESS of course you decide that she has, thereby rejecting yourself in the process, and making you feel even worse about yourself than you already do.

As for body language, if woman smiles at you, sure it may be coincidence, maybe she is smiling at the guy behind you, maybe the longer than normal eye contact is because she cannot believe she is looking at someone so ugly...or those scenario's could be the complete opposite, maybe the girl IS smiling at you, maybe the girl actually is sending you a clue to come and talk to her. The point is reading body language is not 100%, BUT it does help you NOT go up to the girl that purposely looks the other way when you glance over, thus reducing the dreaded rejection. I think some male posters want 100% guaranteed methods for avoiding rejection during their approach, sorry that simply doesnt exist. Because it doesnt exist, you look to the ladies to take the chance and approach you. Yes its 2011 but still many women (most) will not approach a man in a bar/club, so you have the choice to either accept that fact and improve confidence, body language skills, social skills, improve your look and approach said women OR come here and complain, how a woman you never even spoke to rejected you with indifference from across the room, its up to you.