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Are you kidding? Every clear message of interest I've given early in a relationship (asking them to call me, suggesting we declare we are dating, etc) has been returned by the guy freaking out and disappearing on me. These are guys who had pursued me and we had a great connection but as soon as you stop playing coy they bolt.
Yeah, guys in their early 20s aren't known for their reliability and commitment but plenty do manage to call a girl their girlfriend without acting like they're being lead to the gallows.
When a girl pursues a guy and he isn't interested, she's a psycho. When a guy pursues a girl who isn't interested, he's just being a guy. If I have to play hard to get and keep my distance until I'm sure a guy isn't going to panic and run as soon as I let him know I'm into him, so be it.
This has been my experience as well, and why I am currently struggling with a situation where I've gone on a couple dates with a guy, and I want to continue doing so but I'm afraid if I push the issue he'll run.
Are you kidding? Every clear message of interest I've given early in a relationship (asking them to call me, suggesting we declare we are dating, etc) has been returned by the guy freaking out and disappearing on me. These are guys who had pursued me and we had a great connection but as soon as you stop playing coy they bolt.
Yeah, guys in their early 20s aren't known for their reliability and commitment but plenty do manage to call a girl their girlfriend without acting like they're being lead to the gallows.
When a girl pursues a guy and he isn't interested, she's a psycho. When a guy pursues a girl who isn't interested, he's just being a guy. If I have to play hard to get and keep my distance until I'm sure a guy isn't going to panic and run as soon as I let him know I'm into him, so be it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by supernerdgirl
This has been my experience as well, and why I am currently struggling with a situation where I've gone on a couple dates with a guy, and I want to continue doing so but I'm afraid if I push the issue he'll run.
I'm curious. Why waste your time on someone that "fragile"? He's obviously not that interested if he'll run away due to you expressing your interest. That's supposed to be a good thing.
Are you kidding? Every clear message of interest I've given early in a relationship (asking them to call me, suggesting we declare we are dating, etc) has been returned by the guy freaking out and disappearing on me. These are guys who had pursued me and we had a great connection but as soon as you stop playing coy they bolt.
Those type of men call it "game" for a reason. They are very good at manipulating women into thinking they feel a connection.
Quote:
Originally Posted by supernerdgirl
This has been my experience as well, and why I am currently struggling with a situation where I've gone on a couple dates with a guy, and I want to continue doing so but I'm afraid if I push the issue he'll run.
It seems like every time I come here I have to say this over and over again: you're pursuing the wrong people. When it comes to relationships, too many people out there (men and women) are incredibly bitter from repeated failure. Yet, they make no effort to change anything. Change the type of person you pursue, and you could very well find exactly what you're looking for. If you are afraid of showing strong interest and not a high schooler, then that person is not the right person. Shake things up a bit and you could strike gold!
Those type of men call it "game" for a reason. They are very good at manipulating women into thinking they feel a connection.
It seems like every time I come here I have to say this over and over again: you're pursuing the wrong people. When it comes to relationships, too many people out there (men and women) are incredibly bitter from repeated failure. Yet, they make no effort to change anything. Change the type of person you pursue, and you could very well find exactly what you're looking for. If you are afraid of showing strong interest and not a high schooler, then that person is not the right person. Shake things up a bit and you could strike gold!
I'm trying here, this one seems to be interested, but after failing so many times, it's hard to understand what's genuine interest vs. BS. I used to always let them know when I was interested, now I'm forced into being more cautious.
Here's how I know when a guy is interested: he asks me out and wants to spend time with me. And if he doesn't? Then I conclude he's not interested...or not interested enough. It's really pretty simple.
I'm trying here, this one seems to be interested, but after failing so many times, it's hard to understand what's genuine interest vs. BS. I used to always let them know when I was interested, now I'm forced into being more cautious.
I understand that you would feel this way since it sounds like you've been played several times in the past. I had been too (by women who like those games). Here's where the numbers game comes in. Don't try to "hook, line, and sinker" any guy. Go out, have fun, and be yourself. If a guy is uncomfortable with your expressed interest, then he'll leave and you'll have little time wasted off the bat.
This goes along with a post not too long ago about being on your "best behavior" those first few months. Don't ever try to be on your "best behavior," just be you! You'll be pleasantly surprised when you find someone who values your proclivity to be genuine. Those are the type of people that don't hide behind barriers or play silly dating games. They are exactly who they are, and that's the ONLY thing they would ever want you to be. Good luck with your search!
I understand that you would feel this way since it sounds like you've been played several times in the past. I had been too (by women who like those games). Here's where the numbers game comes in. Don't try to "hook, line, and sinker" any guy. Go out, have fun, and be yourself. If a guy is uncomfortable with your expressed interest, then he'll leave and you'll have little time wasted off the bat.
This goes along with a post not too long ago about being on your "best behavior" those first few months. Don't ever try to be on your "best behavior," just be you! You'll be pleasantly surprised when you find someone who values your proclivity to be genuine. Those are the type of people that don't hide behind barriers or play silly dating games. They are exactly who they are, and that's the ONLY thing they would ever want you to be. Good luck with your search!
This is great advice for dating and for life in general. My life got so much better when I stopped worried about making people like me. Now, I just am who I am. I lay my cards out on the table and if I click with someone - great! If not - who cares. My husband loves me just the way I am - flaws and all. My friends, too. If someone doesn't like me because I'm too silly or dorky or clutzy - no biggie. I'm not a cool person - and pretending to be one or trying to be one was just too hard. Funny - but I think more people like me now that I'm comfortable being the quirky dork that I am that ever liked me when I was trying to be something I was not. I think this is true for relationships, friendships, and just life in general.
Here's how I know when a guy is interested: he asks me out and wants to spend time with me. And if he doesn't? Then I conclude he's not interested...or not interested enough. It's really pretty simple.
Same thing the other way around.
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