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It just sucks that you meet someone that you see is so amazing and they want nothing to do with you the way you want to do with them. It really does.
But if you could meet 1 person who's that amazing, then odds are you could meet someone else who's equally amazing, if not more so?
The other side of the coin is, if you make your relationship intentions obvious and they have problems with that, they'll never show you how amazing they are. But I guess that just means they're not amazing enough.
You want someone who's going to be herself and fun but also wants you the way you want her.
My dude, you need to relax and fall back. Ok! You're going to encounter numerous women that aren't interested in you. That's life. How you handle the rejection is important. You have to learn that there is nothing wrong with being friends with a woman. It gives you a chance to see what her deal really is. You should be talking to nice women. Avoid the ones that are getting f*cked over by delta bravos or the ones that play mind games.
Keep your head up and chalk this is up as a lesson learned.
i find it odd that friends is not what you consider a relationship....by "relationship", I gather you mean SEX...and if SEX (come on....lets call it what it is) is all you really want their ARE women for sale you know.
i find it odd that friends is not what you consider a relationship....by "relationship", I gather you mean SEX...and if SEX (come on....lets call it what it is) is all you really want their ARE women for sale you know.
No, by relationship I mean RELATIONSHIP. It's exactly what I mean. That means sex + everything else that comes along with it.
I've never had one before, which is why I want one so bad. I want to be happy with someone else. Is that so much to ask for?
is it better to get to know someone as friends or to make it obvioius that you want a relationship and risk never getting to know the other person at all?
I wrote a long post then realized it can be summed up succinctly: be a man. Men don't pander to women on a "friendship" level, or whatever the hell they call friendship, on the off chance they might get a relationship or sex out of it. There's nothing wrong with ONLY being friends with a woman, but that also means you have NO romantic feelings for her. At all.
If you want a relationship with a woman, ask her out. If she says no, move on. Her idea of friendship is going to be much different than yours and it's never worth the effort. The obverse to this is that if you're not friends with a woman you're romantically involved with, something is seriously wrong.
I wrote a long post then realized it can be summed up succinctly: be a man. Men don't pander to women on a "friendship" level, or whatever the hell they call friendship, on the off chance they might get a relationship or sex out of it. There's nothing wrong with ONLY being friends with a woman, but that also means you have NO romantic feelings for her. At all.
If you want a relationship with a woman, ask her out. If she says no, move on. Her idea of friendship is going to be much different than yours and it's never worth the effort. The obverse to this is that if you're not friends with a woman you're romantically involved with, something is seriously wrong.
That sounds pretty good & is exactly the sort of common sense I needed. Thanks for that.
So the girl & I managed to make a closing argument this morning, basically. I'm really never talking to her again.
However, it instilled in me this question: is it better to get to know someone as friends or to make it obvioius that you want a relationship and risk never getting to know the other person at all?
I think the latter is more important. I have plenty of friends, I don't need too many more. A relationship is something I've never had before & really want. It's okay if I miss out on knowing an amazing girl if I'm not going to go all the way with her.
It's more important to get to know her & then have a relationship than get to know her, become deeply attracted to her & NOT have a relationship because of her own issues and lack of desire for you.
What do you guys think?
I cannot speak for others I can only speak for myself..
And if it is one thing I have learned after let downs with dating...
is never have expectations...
For me I know by the first date if this is someone I want as a friend or more..
While I have many I never discount more...
They may have more in mind but my mind is made up..
So if you ARE getting the friends vibe? from her? You make the decision and do not feel bad or the feeling that you have to reply..
Haha, didn't mean to give off that impression. I just want to have a good relationship, that's all.
Worse comes to worse, at least I learned a valuable lesson here: if a girl wants to be "just friends first", I have to run like hell, no matter what.
I worry you're taking the wrong lesson from this.
Ironically, what you're proposing is the same sort of whacked-out decision making that she was using on you. She made a bad decision with the previous guy. She had sex before she had time to build up trust and was hurt when he dumped her because she was the mistress and he had a girlfriend. Her mistake was not dating someone right off the bat, but sleeping with them right off the bat, yet she decided as a consequence that she would no longer date guys normally, instead making some weird pseudo "fake-dating" plan designed to put up walls and hoard control while dangling the tease of posting herself on dating sites. See how messed up that is?
A better plan might have been to take a break from dating altogether for a period of time (maybe a few months, maybe longer if she needed it), really heal from the experience, then start dating once she was ready to do so honestly. It's unfair to punish all future guys for the lousy actions of a past guy. She'll never keep anyone good that way. However, she might have instead come up with a rule for herself that she didn't want sex until she was emotionally ready, that she would date and get to know someone for a certain period of time before considering it.
I would hate to see you come up with a similarly illogical plan based on one scarring experience. This girl did some wacky things. I think you can learn lessons from it. But maybe the lesson to learn is instead: if someone isn't ready to date right then, don't waste time waiting around on them. When you fall for someone you've built a friendship with, that can be a beautiful, strong relationship. Also, sometimes one person develops feelings before the other. You shouldn't discount someone as a dating partner right off the bat... you just shouldn't wait around for them either. If the planets align at some point, great, if they don't, you didn't waste time. You didn't hang around like a panting dog waiting for scraps. Date people who are ready and in a good place emotionally. Throw the ones back who aren't.
So the girl & I managed to make a closing argument this morning, basically. I'm really never talking to her again.
However, it instilled in me this question: is it better to get to know someone as friends or to make it obvioius that you want a relationship and risk never getting to know the other person at all?
I think the latter is more important. I have plenty of friends, I don't need too many more. A relationship is something I've never had before & really want. It's okay if I miss out on knowing an amazing girl if I'm not going to go all the way with her.
It's more important to get to know her & then have a relationship than get to know her, become deeply attracted to her & NOT have a relationship because of her own issues and lack of desire for you.
What do you guys think?
So, you made "a closing argument" this morning?
I love it. What're you: a lawyer? LOL.
When you ask a woman to marry you are you going to ask her if she's "amenable to a merger?"
Just messin' which'ya, amigo.
I'll go ahead and rep ya for me being a smart-aleck.
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