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Being the recently unknowing victim of the dreaded friend zone, I thought it would be good to have a definitive thread about it here that could be helpful to all of us CDers, past, present & future.
Why does the zone exist? Why would girls put a guy in the Friend Zone? Is it possible to get out of it without losing contact?
And to be equitable to both genders, why would a guy put a girl in the Friend Zone? Would it be easy for her to get out of it?
What are everyone's opinions & beliefs?
I was friends with a great guy. We enjoyed almost everything together. He and I talked about our relationships and dating others. We were friends for years.
One day, I love you childfree. Uhh! Our friendship stopped, because he wanted to date and I didn't. I had no idea.
There is more to the friend zone than, "I'm not attracted to you so let's just be friends." There is also a power element to it, keeping the other person close to you as an ego boost. Enjoying telling the other person about dating other people because after all we're "friends," but the truth is you get a bit of a thrill because you know you are torturing the other person.
But at the same time, the person in the "friend zone" is allowing it to happen. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." If you want more from a relationship than you're ever going to get, then you need to remove yourself from that situation.
I am a woman and am guilty of doing this to at least 2 guys i dated. One guy simply tried too hard. Calling and emailing me MUCH too often for my taste (its ok to call me after a 3 hr date to check up on my commute home, but keeping me on the phone for another 3 hrs is a bit overkill). So because he wanted to be so "chummy" in the beginning, i just viewed him as less physically appealing than before, and in turn, my sexual interest in him waned considerably.
You really don't sound like a very good friend
Quote:
Originally Posted by LegalDiva
The 2nd guy simply stalled at kissing me. After 5 dates, all he would give me were hugs and cheek kisses. No attempts at french kissing, or wanting to get physical on weekend nights we were alone, etc. After a while, i just assumed he was gay and put him in the friend zone. Then after a week of that is when he started acting all romantic and talking about getting a motel room, going away to a couples resort in the Caribbean, but by then it was too late.
Not really a friend of yours either, is he.
There is no such thing as the Friend Zone. There is only the zone where the person you want to date doesn't want to date you. Nothing partiicularly friend-like about it.
Sometimes there's an "immediate attraction." And sometimes it's just "not there" right off the bat..Back when I was dating I didn't assume that every man I met would feel an "immediate attraction" to me. We all have our own tastes and preferences. I knew that some men would just like me as a friend. And vica-versa. I didn't feel an "earth-shaking attraction" to every man I met and dated either...It takes time to get to know people. Sometimes we might have "deeper feelings" for someone at a later date. (Or not!)...Finding a "good match" and "falling in love" isn't the same as going shopping for shoes or buying a new jacket etc...It could take years to find a "suitable mate!" It's important to wait for a mutual attraction and "green lights" on both sides...Otherwise things can go downhill (fast) after the "honeymoon phase" is over because a couple doesn't have enough in common to sustain a lifelong "bond." This has been my experience anyway.
Why would you want to be friends with a woman? What is she gonna toss the football around with you? Is she gonna chug a cheap bear with you? Is she gonna listen to all the complaints you have about the women of today?
On that same coin, why would chicks want to be friends with dudes? Is he going to be excited to go window shopping? Does he come with you to get facials and his nails done? Is he going to go out for an "exciting night filled with dancing"?
Why would you want to be friends with a woman? What is she gonna toss the football around with you? Is she gonna chug a cheap bear with you? Is she gonna listen to all the complaints you have about the women of today?
On that same coin, why would chicks want to be friends with dudes? Is he going to be excited to go window shopping? Does he come with you to get facials and his nails done? Is he going to go out for an "exciting night filled with dancing"?
What the hell is wrong with you kids these days?
I can't tell if you're being serious. If you are, tho -As if all men drink cheap beer and complain about women and all women spend their time window shopping and getting facials. I'd think these two groups would put each other to sleep out of boredom.
I can't tell if you're being serious. If you are, tho -As if all men drink cheap beer and complain about women and all women spend their time window shopping and getting facials. I'd think these two groups would put each other to sleep out of boredom.
It's beyond those actvities. I have never once in my life felt the need to connect on "friend" level with any woman I was not intimate with. There is just no point. Most woman don't enojoy fishing, play a pick up game of street hockey, or shopping for power tools. I don't think most woman would be interested in learning how to change their own oil (let alone a tire) I mean really are YOU serious?
I have never been put in the friend zone, except where benefits were involved. I either score or get straight up rejected. I think the friend zone happens when dudes beat around the bush and don't aggressively pursue a chick they want. If you are direct like me, you find out quickly whether or not you're getting any and you never have to worry about whether you've landed in the dreaded FZ.
It's beyond those actvities. I have never once in my life felt the need to connect on "friend" level with any woman I was not intimate with. There is just no point. Most woman don't enojoy fishing, play a pick up game of street hockey, or shopping for power tools. I don't think most woman would be interested in learning how to change their own oil (let alone a tire) I mean really are YOU serious?
Well, I can't speak for most men or most women. The men and women in my circles don't find friendship between the genders to be challenging. We all find each other pretty interesting. The fact that you don't have women that are interesting hobby/career-wise in your social circle really only speaks of you. Likes with likes, etc.
Well, I can't speak for most men or most women. The men and women in my circles don't find friendship between the genders to be challenging. We all find each other pretty interesting. The fact that you don't have women that are interesting hobby/career-wise in your social circle really only speaks of you. Likes with likes, etc.
I have plenty of woman that are involved in my life that are interesting. I can assure having a little girl , a wife, and a mother is plenty enough woman for me.
As for hobbies, well I don't have girly hobbies. So of course there are no woman doing those things. I don't like scrap-booking or tanning or what ever so yea.
As for careers, well I donno, I don't really mingle with people I work with. Bean counters aren't exactly the most fun group of folks. So I guess that's really kind of a luck of the draw thing there.
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