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One thing I have noticed, even in college, is that some women are going for the "alpha male" types. I started to figure this out early on. It disturbed me alot too. I don't live up to that. Being a "bad boy/alpha male" is not something I identify myself with.
As for being goal oriented, one of the women I wanted to date is graduating this semester. I might suspect she might like to go out with someone who is the same way. I also thought of a person I knew who was an "alpha male". He could get any woman he wanted, and often did. He was a weightlifter type, knew how to charm women, seemed unafraid of anything. He dating one woman for a while, then they broke up due to irreconcilable issues. He got another girlfriend, and then they later broke up. After that breakup he tried to date another woman. He too was a control freak. The irony is that the women he seemed to charm were working women with jobs and a car, and he had neither.
I currently have a job(no car though). I am working on getting a business started(and getting my college degree). I don't do the whole "alpha male" thing. I always wondered how this guy I knew could be such a charmer. I have that "what you see is what you get" kind of thing going.
I know it takes time, but what I never imagined was that I would be 25 years and never had a girlfriend. I never imagined I would be at that stage.
Married and divorced before, I would never imagine.
I've always told myself that I want a nice guy. What kind of nice guy is the question for me. I realized that the guy I dated (oh the wonders of labels) was the "alpha" type, and it had nothing to do with "bad boy" image either. He was a normal, everyday guy who loves to take photos (photography as a hobby), but this guy was a flirt. A huge big time flirt, but I got him to calm down once we started talking. I am automatically drawn to leadership and charisma and I don't know why. Personality is ok, not the best. Geez, I even compromise my standard.
My best friend is a guy and we are so close that people always ask if anything is going to happen. The interesting thing is that I have this dominated side of me, so if he doesn't lead I WILL lead which my best friend doesn't have it. Yes, I'm old fashion so I prefer for the man to lead.
What would be the wrong kind of female that you are referring to? I'm just wondering.
Are you consistently attracted to girls with similar traits/personalities? Perhaps they're simply not the type to be attracted to your personality type. Be patient. Trust me GM, if it's meant to be, they'll be interested in you. Don't get down about it. Again, is it wrong for someone to deceive you? Yes. Remember that there is a female poster who responded to you and told you that she did the same thing to a guy and feels AWFUL for doing so. People make mistakes and you really are young. I know that many people are dating frequently at your age, but that doesn't mean that there's anything more "right" about them than you.
You mentioned meeting gals in church? Yes, if you're a churchgoer and want a fellow churchgoer for a mate, I STRONGLY advise you to look there for your mate. Trust me, if you're a churchgoer, you probably don't want to invest a whole lot of time in trying to establish a relationship with someone who is an atheist or agnostic. It can be a real moodkiller.
Also, one of the things that you should try to remember about the "alpha male advantage" is this..... most women do NOT want to be the protector, always HAVE to make the decisions, always have to be the one to make decisions. They do not want to have to be a guy's mother. Guys who are good leaders can make good partners because the women don't feel like they're hooking up with someone they're going to have to parent.
Are you consistently attracted to girls with similar traits/personalities? Perhaps they're simply not the type to be attracted to your personality type. Be patient. Trust me GM, if it's meant to be, they'll be interested in you. Don't get down about it. Again, is it wrong for someone to deceive you? Yes. Remember that there is a female poster who responded to you and told you that she did the same thing to a guy and feels AWFUL for doing so. People make mistakes and you really are young. I know that many people are dating frequently at your age, but that doesn't mean that there's anything more "right" about them than you.
You mentioned meeting gals in church? Yes, if you're a churchgoer and want a fellow churchgoer for a mate, I STRONGLY advise you to look there for your mate. Trust me, if you're a churchgoer, you probably don't want to invest a whole lot of time in trying to establish a relationship with someone who is an atheist or agnostic. It can be a real moodkiller.
Also, one of the things that you should try to remember about the "alpha male advantage" is this..... most women do NOT want to be the protector, always HAVE to make the decisions, always have to be the one to make decisions. They do not want to have to be a guy's mother. Guys who are good leaders can make good partners because the women don't feel like they're hooking up with someone they're going to have to parent.
The kinds of women I have been attracted to well, this is what I can say: The women I have been typically attracted to as far as personality have varied a bit: One woman I wanted to go out with was introducing herself. She had a more outgoing personality than I did, and seemed very comfortable around me. Another woman I wanted to go out with had that innocence about her. When I mean innocence, I mean she had no fear. She seemed very comfortable with me from the start. She had a certain zestiness to her, she was passionate about things, she had a sweet personality. Another woman, she is an old friend. I haven't talk to her in a while because from what I found, she no longer does facebook and is living in another state. I wanted to go out with her but never had the guts to tell her. Her personality was a very sweet, non-judgemental personality.
Typically, I have been attracted to nice women who seem to have no fear. I have been attracted to the easy-going type of women. It is fitting to note that the majority of them I met are Catholic, the same faith as me.
I am going to keep trying. I know the right place to look for a woman who shares my faith is in church. However, it is getting harder to find women my age in church.
Ah yes, but then beauty is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it? Also, one should look at it this way...SHE is getting used goods as well, is she not? In fact, the goods she's getting are probably a whole lot more used than her's. If you're looking for that "teenage girl" look, than you're right about her physical beauty being beyond its prime. If you're looking for a more mature beauty, as well as a leveled out emotional maturity, you're not going to be the least bit put off by her "maturity".
bah. i've met too many burned out women in their late 20s and 30s with so much emotional baggage that it's really off-putting. most average guys haven't been through as much crap so we don't have that kind of baggage with us at that stage in our lives.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel
BTW....just how many men out there in their late 20's to mid 30's are what they were in their teens? Um..... very darn few. In fact, many are developing guts, starting to get frog butts, are balding or graying....definitely looking more "used" than the average woman of the same age.
true, age catches up with everybody. but then again, the good thing for us is that women are far more willing (and many even prefer) to date older (5 - 7 yrs, sometimes a bit more), so in that sense we have some time on our side. in fact i know a number of guys who didn't get the kind of money+confidence+game until their mid 20s at least to really start playing the field, but by then a lot of girls of around the same age are already starting to look for something serious.
and that's when we start to go for the "fresh meat" the cycle goes on...
I'm not selling anything. I'm just trying to get a girlfriend and doing so the best way I know how, by being myself.
When you're out there on the dating scene, you're selling yourself, in a way. You're the product. So, is your presentation and marketing doing its job? What's your target demographic? If you're trying to sell a specific group of women something that they're not interested in, that's a problem right there.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 10-04-2011 at 11:01 AM..
bah. i've met too many burned out women in their late 20s and 30s with so much emotional baggage that it's really off-putting. most average guys haven't been through as much crap so we don't have that kind of baggage with us at that stage in our lives.
true, age catches up with everybody. but then again, the good thing for us is that women are far more willing (and many even prefer) to date older (5 - 7 yrs, sometimes a bit more), so in that sense we have some time on our side. in fact i know a number of guys who didn't get the kind of money+confidence+game until their mid 20s at least to really start playing the field, but by then a lot of girls of around the same age are already starting to look for something serious.
and that's when we start to go for the "fresh meat" the cycle goes on...
Oh puhlease! You don't have all that kind of baggage, because you load up those women with baggage and then go on your merry little way...sans conscience! You then live in this ridiculous little illusion that you deserve some baggage-less, young, virginal hottie to parade around on your arm.
Hello everyone. Today I ran into the woman that I had a really bad falling out with 3 years ago. Some of it was my fault. I have a hard time taking criticism well. I get my feelings hurt easily. I am sensitive in many ways. In some ways, I am emotionally needy. I just want to be loved. I liked her and I never had the guts to tell her. One day, I confronted her about why she was getting more distant towards me. She said that I was clingy and high-strung. I got mad at her, but I didn't express it to her. I walked away from her that day, angry and fuming. I basically bottled up my anger for days until I snapped. She didn't see me snap, but other people did, and they knew I was talking about her. To say the least, we never spoke again after that, and I lost more than just friendship. I lost my confidence, what little I had left. I was scared and hurt for a long time. If I even saw her I would flip out. Today, I saw her and I was determined to bury the hatchet. I was really to extend the olive branch. That was not mutual with her. She was gathered with her friends. I waved at her, trying to make peace, but she just walked off and ignored me. I think in a way I scared her. She saw me beforehand today, and I think she was gathering around her friends. I think she was trying to avoid me. Could I blame her? I think I did scared her without realizing it. Still, I learned that my plea to make a mends, to try and move on, to put this situation to bed, would go unanswered.
That is the situation I am trying to come back from. I have been spending much of that time running away. Now I am trying to get things back I am trying to go after the things that I want. One thing that I was is to be loved, to love, to have a girlfriend. What has been holding me back is the fears that I have had. I had fears of being rejected, being told I was clingy. My confidence was wrecked to the point of fear. Today I am trying to recover from that, to get my confidence back, so that I could get everything back, so that I could go after the things I wanted in my life. I needed to take charge.
This is part of why I have felt disturbed about the flakiness I have seen lately. I feel like I am going through the same thing again. I'm wondering at this point why I am so worried. I guess it has to do with my way of dealing with things. I normally haven't said anything or tried to form very close relationships with other people except on the terms of those persons. I am quickly realizing that I have to take more charge, I have to make the move.
I waved at her, trying to make peace, but she just walked off and ignored me. I think in a way I scared her. She saw me beforehand today, and I think she was gathering around her friends. I think she was trying to avoid me. Could I blame her? I think I did scared her without realizing it. Still, I learned that my plea to make a mends, to try and move on, to put this situation to bed, would go unanswered.
Well, to be frank, you haven't spoken to each other in three years, and you admittedly flipped out when you saw her in the meantime. She may not have been scared, but she may have been thinking, "WTF does he want?"
Everyone has fears of rejection, but rejection isn't the end of the world. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll be able to get on with your life.
Well, to be frank, you haven't spoken to each other in three years, and you admittedly flipped out when you saw her in the meantime. She may not have been scared, but she may have been thinking, "WTF does he want?"
Everyone has fears of rejection, but rejection isn't the end of the world. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll be able to get on with your life.
When I say flip out, this is what I mean. When I saw her, which was very rare(5 times in the last 3 years), I would get scared and run to another building. The first time I saw her after a year, I picked up smoking to relieve the stress. I quit later on. Whenever I saw her, my heart rate would spike because of fear of her looking at me dirty or not accepting any apology. This stayed with me for a long time. Today I decided to face her. She just ignored me. I figured "I guess this is her way of say 'I don't want to speak to you'".
When I say flip out, this is what I mean. When I saw her, which was very rare(5 times in the last 3 years), I would get scared and run to another building. The first time I saw her after a year, I picked up smoking to relieve the stress. I quit later on. Whenever I saw her, my heart rate would spike because of fear of her looking at me dirty or not accepting any apology. This stayed with me for a long time. Today I decided to face her. She just ignored me. I figured "I guess this is her way of say 'I don't want to speak to you'".
Have you ever been to therapy? I know other posters roll their eyes at the suggestion, but having the kind of reaction you have/had is not typical, nor is it healthy. It sounds like anxiety, and you don't know how to cope. Here's a test for Social Anxiety: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/disorder/liebowitz/
What is the worst that can happen if she doesn't accept your apology? Not be friends? You're not friends now, so nothing has changed.
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If you're looking for that "teenage girl" look, than you're right about her physical beauty being beyond its prime. If you're looking for a more mature beauty, as well as a leveled out emotional maturity, you're not going to be the least bit put off by her "maturity". 
the cycle goes on...
