U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-28-2011, 05:40 PM
 
Location: charleston
1,532 posts, read 3,855,833 times
Reputation: 596

Advertisements

I know you have all probably heard this senario before: gay guy falls in love with best friend. Well I feel this is a bit different but again I am new to this happeneing so here is my story and any advice would help.

I met this guy a couple of years ago when I first moved here alone and single; he was one of the first people to bring me into his circle of friends and introduce me to a lot of great people here.. I am very greatful to have met him and he is true friend. I came out to him last year and he was very supportive about it; I stayed up many nights with him on the phone crying about my problems and recently so has he. He just broke up with his girlfriend of 6 years; his first girlfriend. She moved to Colorado for a summer job, ended up staying there and moving in with a guy. He is heart broken but understands that he wont get her back and he feels that she is not to blame saying he took her for granted and regrets it.. I always felt they were more like brother and sister type relationship you know? Anyway they are both great people but at different phases in life and I have done all I can do to help support him and lift his spirits.

I have been hanging out with him a lot recently and like I said he is a true friend, I feel comfortable talking to him about anything and he feels the same way. We both feel very lonely, not really a "feel sorry for yourself" lonely but you know lonely as in wishing we had another person in our life to love. As for me I have dated a few guys here but they are all "bad news", he is all I wanted in a guy. The other night we were talking on the phone and he says "If neither of us find someone ever.. then I better become your type home boy.".. and I responded.. "You are definatly my type but sadly I dont think I am yours" he says "who knows maybe I will have some revelation.. but you are probably right"..

Do you think he could learn to like me in that way? I mean in time? I dont want to push it because I truly value our friendship and he has been going through a rough time with his breakup and my inentions of being there for him are and have always been because he is my friend but in the back of my mind I have a "thing" for him and I think he knows it.

Also do straight guys fall in love with guys? I mean if the connection is there? does it matter that the person happens to be a guy?

Thanks sorry for the rambling!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-28-2011, 05:47 PM
 
Location: USA
18,314 posts, read 13,531,002 times
Reputation: 12013
For him to even say that would be indicative of someone who is possibly Bi. Speaking as a straight man I would never ever even consider opening that door. I realize that there are all levels of human sexuality and there are probably people who can go back on forth but I can only speak for myself. He's the one that opened the door, so who knows?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-28-2011, 05:50 PM
 
Location: SWUS
5,414 posts, read 7,592,522 times
Reputation: 5781
Agree with Jaun, though that could also be one of those things said in jest. Then again, I didn't hear it myself.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-28-2011, 06:04 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,367 posts, read 24,061,807 times
Reputation: 24477
My sister is a lesbian in a long term committed relationship. When we talked about it she said that she fell in love with the person and that fact that she was female was coincidental. She also says if her SO fell off the face of the Earth, it's entirely possible her next relationship would be with a man. For her, it's the person, not their gender.

Back in the long ago, my best friend was a gay male. He hadn't come to grips with his own sexual preference, but I knew. He loved me, but he wasn't attracted to me. We were great friends though. Who knows, if he had been attracted to me, we might be together today. I know I wished and hoped he would change, but I also knew it wasn't likely. So I was in the same situation as you. I would suggest that you just be a good friend and accept what he has to offer, but don't expect more.

What you want isn't impossible, but it's not likely. Look elsewhere for your romantic relationships.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2011, 06:40 PM
 
12,262 posts, read 14,424,217 times
Reputation: 13845
good post yellowsnow....... Teebyrd86.....like yellowsnow said "It's not likely".....Your friend may even have been kidding or teasing you.....I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2011, 08:48 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn, New York
1,194 posts, read 1,504,358 times
Reputation: 1719
He's straight don't read to much into this besides his gf of 6 years dumped him... hes vulnerable.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2011, 09:33 PM
 
4,101 posts, read 5,863,480 times
Reputation: 5637
Darn, I would hope you can have a really good male friend without him turning into your lover. Personally, I wouldn't make the first move in that direction. Wouldn't make the last move either...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2011, 01:49 AM
 
5,420 posts, read 8,107,878 times
Reputation: 7186
He's not straight.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2011, 03:34 AM
 
10,996 posts, read 11,092,973 times
Reputation: 8355
I think he was testing the water. He might not be gay at all , but he is probably hoping you will offer a BJ cuz he is really, really in need of some sex.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2011, 06:49 AM
 
1,253 posts, read 1,771,295 times
Reputation: 2539
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
My sister is a lesbian in a long term committed relationship. When we talked about it she said that she fell in love with the person and that fact that she was female was coincidental. She also says if her SO fell off the face of the Earth, it's entirely possible her next relationship would be with a man. For her, it's the person, not their gender.

Back in the long ago, my best friend was a gay male. He hadn't come to grips with his own sexual preference, but I knew. He loved me, but he wasn't attracted to me. We were great friends though. Who knows, if he had been attracted to me, we might be together today. I know I wished and hoped he would change, but I also knew it wasn't likely. So I was in the same situation as you. I would suggest that you just be a good friend and accept what he has to offer, but don't expect more.

What you want isn't impossible, but it's not likely. Look elsewhere for your romantic relationships.
You know, it's interesting, yellowsnow. This is something that lesbians tend to say for whatever reason -- that the fact that their SO is a woman is coincidental, and they "fell in love with the person."

I can tell you as a straight female -- I have had a lot of lesbian friends over the years, and even seemingly straight women friends (with kids and husbands) who have made passes or come on to me -- and I can tell you that I have never had the urge or desire to "fall in love with the person," or even go in that direction at all. There is just no romantic or sexual feeling there for another woman.

Anyone can do it as a self-check if they hear illogical statements like "I fell in love with 'the person', who happens to be my own gender." Could you?

The fact is that many gay people will say or do anything to deny their orientation for a whole variety of reasons. They can say anything they want, it doesn't make it true!

As a straight wife of a closeted gay man, I am a complete and active supporter of gay rights in every form -- in the military, in marriage, in having their relationships and their families accepted and respected. If same-sex relationships are treated exactly the same as hetero ones, then our gay friends won't hide behind straight people, or make statements like your sister did.

OP, be so careful. Your heart is already in this relationship, it sounds like. I will say that entirely straight men do not say things like "if we don't find someone, I better become your type." It is a bit of a tease, isn't it? But if he is conflicted, you could get hurt and badly. Because he may never entirely come out, and use you and reject you.

I agree with others. Let him do all the talking about this. Be happy with yourself and with your life, and you may serve as an example that a happy life can be led with a true partner. Good luck, and a hug from a straight sister.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2017, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top